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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Take the money from both?

26 replies

Awonderfuldayinthepark · 05/04/2024 19:04

My parents have been happily divorced for well over 30 years. Rarely see each other, only at grandchildren’s birthdays etc.

The other day I brought my youngest of 3 a new pair of Clarks shoes (£46). My dad called as we were shopping asked what we were up too, general chat and told him that we had just brought shoes/shopping etc.

Spoke to my mum that evening told her I brought my youngest new shoes and she very kindly offered to buy them. Thanked her and excepted. She transferred me the money later that night.

I just checked my bank online and my dad has sent me £50, I didn’t ask he very kindly just sent it over. I will ring my dad tonight to thank him.

This isn’t a life or death question… just a more what would you do? I can’t lie, but do I just not say anything to the other parent? My husband thinks I’m a terrible person not saying anything and I should return the money to one of them. He’s actually called me deceitful which made my sister howl with laughter!
My sister says not to mention it! (Maybe I need to watch her!! 😝)

I mean I don't think even is do “confess” that either parent or going to ask for the money back!!

The money is more than likely going to be spend on the kids over half term, maybe a cheeky Starbucks in there for me too!

What would you do? Confess? Or just not mention anything?

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 05/04/2024 19:09

Say nothing and use the money for the next pair!

edited to add obviously thank them both but don’t say anymore!

Thinkonmadam · 05/04/2024 19:09

Keep the money, don’t mention it to your mum as she specifically arranged to give the shoe money. Thank your dad for the £50 and tell him you’ll spend it on the kids

oh and tell your husband that he’s hilarious

ZekeZeke · 05/04/2024 19:12

Buy another pair? Buy slippers? Keep for the next pair?
You are over thinking this.

Hippomumma2 · 05/04/2024 19:13

You don’t need to explain to your dad what you spent the money on, he has given you that to help you out.
what lovely parents you have !

gamerchick · 05/04/2024 19:16

Nah keep it for the next pair or something. Sometimes parents like to do shit like that.

Coconutter24 · 05/04/2024 19:18

I would thank your dad and let him know your mum has already offered to pay for the shoes. Then he can decide whether you keep the money to use for the next thing for the kids or not, I’m sure from the sounds of it he will say keep it for the next pair or whatever. I’m thinking more along the lines of at the next birthday party if your mum mentions the shoes and dad hears and they both say they bought the same pair, that would be awkward for you

Original poster
Awonderfuldayinthepark · 05/04/2024 19:18

Honesty it was hilarious when he said it all serious! Me and my sister couldn’t stop laughing!

I’m now being called ‘The Deceitful One” on our sibling WhatsApp 😝

OP posts:
Ukholidaysaregreat · 05/04/2024 19:19

Kids are so expensive. Take the money and use it on them. (Tomorrow when they have used the front of their new shoes as brakes on their bikes)

Tel12 · 05/04/2024 19:20

Tell your dad and offer to repay.

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 05/04/2024 19:20

Way overthinking. Definitely not unreasonable to just thank both of your parents and keep the money. They both sound like they wanted to help, I'm sure they won't begrudge you the next pair of shoes for their grandchildren and the "cheeky Starbucks" for their mother.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 05/04/2024 19:22

Did your dad specifically say it was for the shoes?

Doesn't sound like it

Sounds like he just wanted to treat you as you'd been shopping ;)

AstralSpace · 05/04/2024 19:23

I would thank your dad and say that the shoes were covered but you're going to spend the money on another pair or clothes or something else.

ACynicalDad · 05/04/2024 19:23

if your dad thinks it’s for the shoes say thanks, you should know mum’s already paid, I’ll put it towards x if that’s ok, and it will be.

shiningstar2 · 05/04/2024 19:23

I would offer both of them half of what they gave back.. I think they would then probably say. .it's ok . Keep it . get the next thing the kids need or even better treat yourself. Then you get to keep the extra for half term or other things the kids need without it troubling your conscience. 😀

museumum · 05/04/2024 19:23

It all depends how strapped you all are. If there was a genuine risk of your child going without and your dad has sacrificed something he’d usually have to help out then tell him it’s not needed.
But if things aren’t that tight then I would just thank your dad and tell him the money will be really useful. Telling him your mum got in there first could be seen as stirring bad feeling or competition between them.

TheChosenTwo · 05/04/2024 19:23

Well your kid will definitely need another pair of shoes sometimes soon so the next ones are already paid for.
My parents wouldn’t do this 😂 how lucky your dc are to have generous grandparents 🙂

muggart · 05/04/2024 19:34

Tell your dad that DM had already covered it. He'll probably say to use the money on something else, then when you do send him photos of whatever is it you've bought with his money.

Queenfierce · 05/04/2024 19:51

Thank your dad and say you appreciate it and you'll use the money on something towards the children

DontBeAMeany · 05/04/2024 21:10

I'd definitely tell your Dad and I'd offer to repay. Is there something else you need to buy for the kids? If so then you could politely suggest that you could use the money for that.

I'd be worried if I didn't say anything he would ask about the shoes when you next see him. I think there is a weird special 'thing' about buying shoes for grandchildren. My MIL always wanted to buy my kids new shoes.

Whatwouldnanado · 05/04/2024 21:13

Just say shoes already paid for but you’ll save the money he sent for next time, new trainers or whatever. He does need to know that your mum also sent money.

Hankunamatata · 05/04/2024 21:15

I think it's dishonest. I'd tell dad that mum gave you the money for the shoes, and would it be OK to use the money for x nest pair of shoes

SabertoothKwazi · 05/04/2024 21:18

You’d already bought the shoes anyway. So neither your mum’s money or your dad’s was actually used to buy the shoes and they know that. Put it towards the next pair. If you’re really feeling guilty about it then start a separate savings pot for kids clothing or other expenses and then you can tell your parents what their money bought when you spend it.

justanotherrandomperson · 05/04/2024 21:23

Assuming your parents can afford the gift, I'd let it stand. This way they both get the glow of pride that they helped you and their grandchild. The money can go toward something else your child needs or will enjoy.

CurlewKate · 05/04/2024 21:25

Sorry- I'm with your husband! Obviously don't send it back- but tell your father you're going to buy some summer clothes or a paddling pool or something.

category12 · 05/04/2024 21:31

Did he label what he gave you as "for shoes"? Maybe he just wanted to help you out generally rather than thinking he was paying for the shoes?

I'd just say thanks and that it'll really help with half-term etc.