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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why would he do this? Child Maintenance related

13 replies

WonderingWhy2024 · 05/04/2024 18:49

Hello and thanks for reading this thread. I’ve name changed and posting here more for the traffic but in summary my AIBU would be to wonder and be concerned about what my ex is up to as there’s got to be more to this than meets the eye…

I’ve found myself in an odd situation regarding child maintenance and I’m keen to hear people’s thoughts on the matter. If anyone has been through similar it would be great to hear what the outcome was too.

For background, ex and I split 7yrs ago and share one DC. Very acrimonious break-up which involved DV on his part and we’ve been unable to co-parent amicably due to his ongoing poor behaviour.

Ex is self-employed and messed me around maintenance-wise when we first split. I went to the CMS and have received a stupidly low amount ever since. I’ve queried this several times over the years with the CMS and their response was always the amount would stay as-is so I never took it any further.

Until last year. I raised a case with the Financial Investigation Unit (FIU) as the amount of maintenance set by the CMS yet again wasn’t reflective of my ex’s lifestyle - think luxury house and vehicles, multiple 5* holidays each year, Rolex watches and expensive gifts/days out for DC etc.
They discovered a significant amount of unearned income over the period of 2yrs which was not included in any maintenance calculations.
They directed a new amount of maintenance which should have started during summer last year. My ex chose to ignore this and instead continued to pay me via direct debit.
I then opted to move from DirectPay to CollectPay as this meant the CMS could recover the arrears of several thousand pounds on my behalf.
Payments via this method never materialised and my ex continued to pay the usual low amount via direct debit.

Towards the back end of last year, my ex advised me he was appealing the FIU decision as the variation he’d sought after the initial outcome was unsuccessful. I’ve since received the tribunal evidence bundle and submitted my own evidence and we’re at the stage of waiting for a hearing date although I’ve been informed this could take over a year.
The CMS have also said they’re unable to take any further action until the appeal has concluded.

Here’s where it gets interesting…just after Christmas we had the usual annual review and the weekly amount my ex is liable to pay for the next year had increased by nearly 50%.
Bear in mind though that there are still the arrears of several thousand pounds which hadn’t been paid.

My ex advised via email that he’d spoken to his bank and I’d receive the new weekly maintenance amount from X date. Not long after this, I started receiving an amount each week which is a lot higher than the new amount set by the CMS.
Payments over the last couple of months have knocked a large chunk of the arrears off and I’m now left wondering what is going on and how this could play out in terms of the appeal.

CMS are aware of the situation and continue to say there is nothing they can do until the appeal is heard in court.

Questions I’m asking myself are why would he pay over and above what he should be paying if there is an ongoing appeal case which he instigated?! He has legal representation - could he have been advised this is the best way to proceed for him?
Would the fact he’s now paying a much higher amount be looked upon favourably/unfavourably by the judge? And when this does eventually reach court, is there a chance the outcome would be there is no case and I’d need to repay the maintenance?

My ex is not a reasonable person and has tried continuously over the years to make my life as miserable as possible. Why then, would he now be paying this extra money before the appeal hearing, when previously he’s gone out of his way to withhold maintenance and hide his income?

I’d welcome your thoughts and experience around this and thanks again for reading.

OP posts:
haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 05/04/2024 18:54

Personally I would bank everything above the current amount CMS collect or say he should pay and wait for the out come of the case

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 05/04/2024 18:54

You could spend forever trying to figure it out and never get to the bottom of it.

At a guess, it's part of his when I didn't know any better,I didn't do any better but as soon as I could,I did. I've cleared the arrears and want to do it properly going forward.

I suspect he just wants them to stop digging into his finances as there's even more he's hinding or he may have sone illegal income he wants to continue to hide.

Meadowfinch · 05/04/2024 18:59

A couple of possibilities.

He may hope that by 'showing willing' he will avoid more punitive measures from the court.

He hopes to pay off the arrears so they can't charge him interest.

He is going to be an employee in the future, and doesn't want to have to tell his HR department to process a deduction for a child he has abandoned, so hopes to pay off the arrears and avoid that happening.

I know of one man who was threatened with jail for contempt of court and paid up rather than go down for non-payment (but that was a long time ago and he was a very high earner.

SecondHandFurniture · 05/04/2024 19:08

I suspect he just wants them to stop digging into his finances as there's even more he's hinding or he may have sone illegal income he wants to continue to hide.

I reckon it's this. He knows he will lost the appeal (or has had advice he will) so wants to shorten the process.

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 05/04/2024 19:11

SecondHandFurniture · 05/04/2024 19:08

I suspect he just wants them to stop digging into his finances as there's even more he's hinding or he may have sone illegal income he wants to continue to hide.

I reckon it's this. He knows he will lost the appeal (or has had advice he will) so wants to shorten the process.

Me too. He doesn’t want HMRC or the police to come knocking.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 05/04/2024 19:14

I agree with most of the others. To stop them digging. Put the excess in a separate account, until it's settled.
Also...
i think he's playing with you, showing how much he could pay IF he chose to. Wanker.

Saymyname28 · 05/04/2024 19:20

Ah see I'm gonna go down the malicious route based on my ex. When the court decides in his favour he's going to make you repay it all and drag you through court to punish you for trying to make him pay towards his child. Don't spend a penny of it until the court is through.

WonderingWhy2024 · 05/04/2024 19:56

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I agree that banking the excess until the appeal has concluded is the sensible thing to do, but at the same time I'm questioning why I should have to do this given my ex has paid so little for so long.

The "showing willing" comment is something I've thought about already and led to my question of whether his overpayments would be looked upon favourably/unfavourably by the judge.
My thinking is, if you're able and willing to pay (which he clearly is if the last couple of months are anything to go by) then why would you appeal in the first place and wait until a court hearing to show you're willing to pay? That's just wasting everyone's time, effort and money, surely?

I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't want his finances looked into any further. A lot of his work was off the books and honestly the figures declared to HMRC are an absolute joke. I hope PP is right in saying he knows or has had advice he'll lose the appeal. I'm not saying that to gloat - it's sickening how my ex and so many other NRP's are allowed to get away with this kind of behaviour for so long and I hope on this occasion karma prevails.

I know he'd take great joy in dragging me through the courts to recover any monies owed. Another PP summed him up brilliantly in one word! Grin

OP posts:
Sprinkles211 · 05/04/2024 20:00

He's worried he's committed fraud and will go to prison

Zanatdy · 05/04/2024 20:11

He’s clearly worried about being prosecuted for dodging tax so his solicitor has probably advised him to clear the debt and avoid further checks on him. As the maintenance might be the last of his worries. Glad you challenged this as so many men do this and nothing hardly comes of it. So many men living a life of luxury and leaving their kids watching the pennies. No way you’d be asked to repay it, I guess don’t get used to it, he might stop paying once the court case is over. Maybe he’s hoping that will be called off if he’s paid off arrears

RecycleMePlease · 05/04/2024 20:11

I know he'd take great joy in dragging me through the courts to recover any monies owed. Another PP summed him up brilliantly in one word!

Could he though? If he's voluntarily transferring money to you, is that not a gift? You can't take someone to court to get a gift back (and that's not even mentioning the arrears)

StormingNorman · 05/04/2024 20:14

I wouldn’t trust him an inch. Put the money aside like other PP have said.

Even better, put it in a savings account for DC. If he wants the money back, he’ll have to take it from his child. Let’s see how the judge likes those apples.

Your DC doesn’t need to know about this so won’t be hurt by it. Daughter of a DV divorce here so I know how much he enjoys fucking with you. Fuck with him right back.

WonderingWhy2024 · 05/04/2024 21:39

Thanks for the later responses.

The word "worried" has cropped up a couple of times which is interesting as it has never been an emotion my ex showed.

To the PP who said they were glad I challenged this - thank you. It wasn't until after I split with my ex that I realised quite how controlling and abusive he was. It took a good while for me to regain my confidence but once I found it, there was no way I'd be accepting his crap any longer!

To the PP who mentioned the voluntary payments being a gift...I've wondered similar. There's nothing in writing to suggest it's a gift, nor a loan which would need paying back. It's being paid as child maintenance which the CMS are fully aware of but I guess from a legal perspective, if he's only liable to pay £xx amount each week but decides to pay £xxx, can he request the excess back if the appeal goes in his favour?

It would be a pretty shitty thing to do as a father in my opinion but I wouldn't put it past him.

Thank you to another PP for the excellent suggestion of putting the excess in a savings account for DC.
I'm doing my best to shield DC from all of this but it doesn't help when dad tells them mum takes all his money (and that was before the arrears kicked in!)

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