AIBU to despair because of this?

[Sunglow1921]

I work in a very male dominated industry and the casual sexism is really starting to get to me. Even well intended actions are beginning to bother me e.g. someone being overly protective because I’m a woman.

When I was younger I felt that some of it might be due to my age, but now I am reasonably advanced in my career. If anything, it’s getting worse because it seems most men just don’t want to be told what to do by a woman. I’m also seeing more senior female colleagues being treated appallingly (jokingly asked to take notes for a man in meetings etc.) and yet they’re just expected to smile and chuckle. It makes me sick.

I’ve worked hard for many years to get to where I am and I love what I do, but lately I’ve been feeling dread at spending the next 30 years of my life like this. It doesn’t help that I’m currently working as part of a multi-disciplinary team where I’m the only woman. Even casual conversations at networking events will often end with ‘let’s change the topic (from sports, beer etc.), Sunglow will get bored. Shall we speak about knitting and kittens instead?’.

As a woman, it feels like whatever is said to you, whether work related or in casual conversation, you’re just expected to smile and accept it. If you stand your ground, you’re considered hysterical or unprofessional. If you don’t, you’re a pushover and they keep doing it.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to achieve with this post, I guess I just needed to rant 😅

I wouldn’t smile and accept it. I would challenge it and call it what it is. I bet there are men in the room who are also uncomfortable with it. All the time you put up with it, unfortunately you are condoning it.

I'd go for the challenge it every time option, whilst looking for a job with a less archaic organisation. I couldn't stay there for 30 years listening to that kind of crap.

That comment about kittens... I'd just look them straight in the eye and say "why do you think I'd be interested in kittens and knitting?" and make him explain himself.

The issue is not my company (which is actually quite good from this point of view and my line manager, a man, is excellent). The whole industry is very male dominated, so the only option would be to change my career altogether, which would be a huge sacrifice as I actually enjoy the work and I’m good at it.

I wish I had challenged the person who made that comment, but to be honest I’m not sure it would have registered with him 🙄

As a woman, it feels like whatever is said to you, whether work related or in casual conversation, you’re just expected to smile and accept it. If you stand your ground, you’re considered hysterical or unprofessional. If you don’t, you’re a pushover and they keep doing it.

That's certainly not the case where I work.

Have though though about changing to a different industry?

Yes. Every single time. Boring for you, but less depressing than all that smiling.

Really?

Sorry OP, I simply can't imagine any orginisation where anybody would make comments about knitting and kittens.

Who on earth do you work for?

I've never experienced anything like the dialogue you have described. Ever.

What you could do, is join any women's networks in your industry and go to networking events organised through those. Or if there isn't a women's network, then start one.

Also make a dated record of every instance of sexism that you encounter and maybe occasionally show it to your manager.

Even casual conversations at networking events will often end with ‘let’s change the topic (from sports, beer etc.), Sunglow will get bored. Shall we speak about knitting and kittens instead?’.

This is where you then say
"Or shall we talk about why you feel it necessary to only single me out"

Could you talk to your line manager about it?

And of course, because it's not your experience, it couldn't possibly be someone else's experience could it?

Challenge it. Every time. So when dickhead makes some comment about knitting and kittens? “Christ Dave, have we time warped back to 1976? Do try to move with the times, you sound quite the dinosaur”.

Asked to take the notes? “Wrist sprain is it, I can’t imagine what from? I’m sure you’ll manage”.

Sarcastic and cutting stops these fuckers in their tracks, every time and once you’ve put them back in their box, they never try again. You shouldn’t have to, but you do need to sometimes .

Funnily enough the dinosaur twat I worked with was a Dave.
Every morning meeting was dominated by the loud mouth , sexist, homophobic, racist crap,
Only one woman in attendance at these meetings.i brought it up and part of it was he didn't talk to his own wife like that... absolute prick.

Sounds about right. Sexist, homophobic and racist usually go together 🙄