Selfish partner?

[foreverrose94]

I have a 4 month old baby and I'm really starting to get annoyed with my partner.

Partner works Monday - Friday and in the week I practically do 90% of the caregiving for our baby, he will do the odd feed or nappy
change.

Partner will usually fall asleep and have a good 10 hour sleep whilst I barely get 4 hours.

I do all the house work, cleaning, cooking and looking after baby.

Surely if a man works he should still be expected to help look after his child??

And this is my place which I pay rent on and he has a place (was hoping to buy a place together) and he offers no money for bills.

He pays me £300 a month which is supposed to pay for anything the baby needs, bills and the food shop.
My gas and electric bill alone is £200 a month.

Partner thinks because he pays me £300 a month I should be grateful and do everything.

He also is starting to complain about not getting enough attention from me and things his mates Mrs's do.
Well I have a baby to look after, I barely even have time to shower.

I am really fed up of his attitude.

He is so messy too and I am constantly clearing up after his mess.

He is also now saying I am stopping him from
seeing his family at the weekends because I need help with him looking after the baby.

He complains about not being able to go out with his family and says I am the reason that they don't have a relationship anymore?

I just don't think it's fair to have a baby and expect the mother to do everything?

I am now considering ending the relationship as every day he will complain about not getting "TLC" about his sexual needs.

I feel like I have 2 kids!

I am just not happy.

His cousins just expect that partner should be able to drop everything to go clubbing with them at the weekends.

I am now considering moving closer to family as I just feel so unsupportive and fed up.

Am I being unreasonable?

100% reasonable to leave him - he is not a partner or a man. The fact he gives you 300 and barely helps is disgusting

YANBU he sounds like a dick head. Move closer to your family where you’ll have some support and leave him behind.

Yanbu, he brings nothing to your life.

Ditch him, you're parenting alone anyway, then claim CMS and move to where you'll get some actual support.

What a wanker. My DH works all week but come the weekend he's up with my DS, at 5 usually, and I'm having a much needed lie in. I'm a sahm so I also do 90% in the week. £300 a month is a fucking joke. Babies are bloody expensive and your partner needs an eye opener fast. You deserve better and I hope you leave the twat and get it😊

He sounds absolutely pathetic & gross. 'wah wah I want sex' ah get to fuck. I'd say he sounds like a teenage boy but all the teen boys I know are much more emotionally intelligent than he sounds.

Go to your family & let them love & support you.

The mere description of him just gives me second hand embarrassment.

What a poor excuse of a father and partner.

Kick him to the curb OP and go to your family where you know you'll get support.

Was he like this before having a baby? Was he completely unaware of what a baby needs? And what a partnership looks like?

Why can't he take the baby to see his family on the weekend? Have you questioned this?

Not unreasonable at all!! He’s a manchild. You’re already a single mum.
Around 22 years ago when DS1 was 2 my DH was similar but I was working F/T, he’d been made redundant. My DM was looking after DS1 and DH was out in the pub spending money we didn’t have. Then at weekends he’d be out for hours on end with his family watching football, drinking!
He mistook me being emotional for weakness.
I kicked him out. He was shocked!!
We’ve been married 25 years now and have a 2nd DS.He has his lazy days but mostly pulls his weight now.

He does sound like a slob and I would expect him to do some of the childcare in the evening and at weekends. However, if I was on maternity leave, I'd expect to do the lion's share of the childcare. That's the whole point of m leave. I'd also do most of the housework. Mu DH will retire before me and when he does, I will expect to come home to all the house work done. I won't be doing any.

P.S. when you return to work, he needs to be doing half of everything.

Kick that lazy freeloading bastard out tonight.

He sounds revolting.

Sorry you are better of leaving. I don't dare ask how old this bloke is as he sounds like a teenager.

Yes whilst I was on Mat leave I did the nights solely I would sometimes just close the door and say I need sleep on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Going back to work 3 days a week and still doing all the nights got too much so we started shifting to more of an equal balance

The finance thing screams red flags

P.s. when on mat leave I didn't cook, clean do everything, in my mind if they were single they would have to full look after themselves.

You have to be a team

What happening with his house?
kick him out and get onto child maintenance. Why can’t he take baby with him to see family as they would love to see their grandkid?

life has changed and he needs to accept that he can’t do everything he used to

Not unreasonable at all! He works 9-5pm Monday to Friday. Outside of this, he has as much responsibility for the household and parenting as you. You also have a Job 9-5pm Monday to Friday which is looking after your baby. Sadly we as mums become the default parents

I would consider with him how you both manage the household and childcare as a team outside of the Monday to Friday 9-5pm. If either of you wants to go out, it needs to be considered together (ie. It’s not fair for him to think he can go out whenever and you being the default carer). He also needs to consider his role to support you after work - could he look after LO whilst you cook for example? What’s his role in the bedtime routine. And if he’s tired well tough because so are you!! Looking after a baby is huge job and unfortunately I’ve been in a similar boat where my OH just seems to think his job means he doesn’t need to do nights and I can just get lots done in the day - babies have a LOT of needs. How is he helping you catch up on sleep on the weekends?

And in terms of finances,not okay! You are on maternity leave, your pay is reduced. He needs to pay his way!! Set up a joint account and ensure you both are adding to this. My OH actually contributes more whilst I’m on leave because hey mat leave affects pay! I really don’t feel it should even be 50:50 but him paying more! Does he not see this child as his responsibility?

sex, intimacy and them needing attention too…if he helped you with baby then you might actually have space for it!!!! It is not about him right now but baby but sadly it took my OH awhile to figure this out. Men can often be used to everything being centred around their needs.