To not want to visit in-laws so often

[ladyvimes]

Preface- this is not an in-law bashing post. I love my in-laws dearly and enjoy spending time with them!

My husband and I are teachers. We live about 5 hours away from my in-laws and go to visit them (with our 2 dc’s) almost every single school holiday for at least 4+ nights. They have a big house and plenty of room for us and always host us well. MIL is a great cook and they love us all and spend time with us.

The things is now the kids are older they want to spend time with their friends in the holidays. I want to spend time with friends that I rarely get to see during term time and I am finding visiting the in-laws more and more of a chore. It eats up a huge chunk of our holiday time and I am becoming more and more resentful of the time we spend there.

AIBU in wanting to visit less often? Maybe just the main holidays (Xmas, Easter and summer) and no longer half terms?

PS. In-laws very rarely visit us, even though they are semi-retired and we have room for them (or they could easily afford a hotel if they didn’t want to stay with us). This is simply because they are home birds and don’t really like to travel far.
PPS. My dh has no problem with the amount we visit. We live near my family so he sees our long visits as ‘fair’ as I can see my family easier but I spend more time with his family overall than I do with my own!

I think that’s fine as long as you also reduce down the visits to your family to make sure it’s equal.

Why do they get to be home birds but you can't be?! Especially as they have a lot more free time and flexibility with time than you do.

I'd reduce it to 2 or 3 of the main holidays but make it clear they're welcome to visit you.

I'm not sure if you've said how old your children are but they do reach a point when there are things they want to do in the school holidays like seeing friends or just being at home.

What rubbish! If her parents live 30 minutes away why should she reduce her visits to “make things equal”?

Totally understand where you are starting from OP, and yes, I agree that (if they are fit and capable to travel to visit you) that six visits a year means they visit in half terms over weekends and hopefully they can travel Thursday/Tuesday to dodge the worst of the traffic. It becomes much more difficult if they are aged or ailing. We had a six-hour drive in each direction (between two holiday areas to make things worse) and it is very hard work. Sadly I can't offer a solution, only my heartfelt best wishes for easy traffic.

Explicitly say the kids have stuff they want to do at home at half terms but the grandparents are welcome to come and stay.

Could you visit us this time? Child 1 has football and child b a party and so we can't travel this week..

A soft notice and puts the ball in their court

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. They won’t even consider a visit to you. I don’t feel like 4 nights is a lot but every single holidays it is. I’m also 5 hours away from my in-laws and also love them a great deal but I’m about to travel to them for 3 whole weeks for the kids and I’m dreading it. We all stay under the same roof for 3 weeks there are 12 of us in a 2 bath 3 bed home and I detest it. So I know how you feel.