DM obsessed with my weight

[ThankFitsFriday]

I’ve lost a bit of weight recently, nothing too drastic, about 10lb. I’m the smallest that I’ve been in a while, but I think that I look healthy and I’m a size 8-10 so hardly skin and bones.

My DM is ‘worried’ about my weight loss, I’ve explained that it’s from cutting out the snacking and drinking wine through the week and that I’m eating good healthy meals. This isn’t enough, she’s text my DP, my exDP (DDs dad) and also my StepDM behind my back saying that she’s concerned about me. They have all reassured her that they see me eating and that they don’t think there’s a problem. The nail in the coffin is that yesterday she was looking after DD (5) and quizzed her on ‘does mammy eat’.

Its getting ridiculous, I’ve text her this morning saying that she needs to stop worrying and bothering other people about my eating habits and most importantly I don’t think it’s acceptable her talking to DD about it. now literally 10 minutes ago my DDad has come to my house saying that he’s also heard off DM.

I understand a mothers love and concern for their DC, so I’m trying to keep that in mind and not be too harsh on her, but she’s driving me mad with this obsession, especially because there’s absolutely no issue at all. I eat really well, ironically I eat more than she does as she’s very petite and has never been a big eater whereas I like to have big filling meals.

AIBU to reiterate to her that this has to stop or should I accept that she’s just a concerned mother?

How old is she?

Is your BMI in the healthy range?

DM is mid 50s

Do you think she might be jealous of your weight loss?

Yes, I’m in the healthy BMI range

Is she overweight ?

It is quite strange, especially asking your DD, unless maybe you have a history with eating disorders.

Is she normally over anxious or obsessive about health?

Is she overweight herself? Sounds like her issue rather than actual concern for you

You know what, I hadn’t thought of that, but she is always saying that she’d like to lose a stone.

Oh just read back and see you said she’s petite and doesn’t eat much. In that case, I’d tell her she is upsetting you with her obsession about your weight, in particular contacting your DP and quizzing your DD and if she doesn’t stop, you’ll have to step back from her.

Unless there is a back story then I would assume it comes from a place of concern. I would sit her down and say your wait is health according to the NHS and she needs to stop talking about it because your fine.

Have you ever had an eating disorder in the past?

It depends on whether there are any grounds for concern. If as you say you have a healthy BMI and particularly as long as you don’t have history of yo-yo dieting or disordered eating then she’s being really inappropriate and you need to tell her to butt out. Certainly she should not be talking to your child about it.

But be really honest with yourself first. If you have a history with this she may be scared. I can’t tell from your post whether your weight loss is normal and healthy or not. She may have genuine concerns. Her reaction is strong enough that I wonder if she does.

No, I’ve never had an eating disorder.

Also I’m 35 with a professional job and in a stable happy relationship, it’s not like I’m vulnerable in any way.

Do we share the same mum? 😂
I do have issues around eating, and have recently lost a lot of weight. I accept i probably have a problem & do intent to see my GP. My mum is aware, does NOTHING but talk about food, and tries to force me to eat - we went for a coffee recently and had practically a stand off at the counter as she was insisting 'you WILL have a cake!' I didn't, and i nearly walked out she made me so stressed. Yes, it comes from love i know, but it actually makes things worse.

So you could tell your mum that a) you are absolutely fine and well and b) if you WERE unwell she'd be doing more harm than good with her spanish inquisition act. She's bang out of order involving your dc, too

My mum does this as well, right now to the contacting people and asking me in every conversation we have what I have eaten. She is autistic and I suspect it has become her fixation that she genuinely can’t let go of. Massively annoying for me though so solidarity.