AIBU to move overseas with child

[Tomorrowwillbeok]

Just that really, I want to move overseas with my upper primary age child. They love the country but reluctant to move due to family/ friends, I feel we would have a better quality of life if we moved. They would obviously be able to keep in touch virtually and we would aim to return home once a year. WIBU to move without their 100% agreement?

AIBU - their agreement is needed
AINBU - move

What would their immigration status be? Would they be able to stay in the new location as adults with full citizenship, or would they face needing to return to a country they have not lived in since childhood? What would be the economic consequences for your children’s transition from childhood to adulthood? Would their education transfer if you or they decided to move back?

children can adapt, but you need to be thinking about the lifelong impact of the move.

YANBU. Out of interest which country is it?

We are in our second year of living in SE Asia with our two children (younger than yours) however, we LOVE our life here. We have a cleaner, babysitting if we need it, have take outs (which can be really healthy too) every night and go on holiday every school break...
And we still save around £2000 a month between us. What's the worst that can happen? You don't like it so move back home!

Are they generally adaptable (be honest with yourself) if they are that's fine. If not, reconsider.

Is their dad also coming too or would he still be in UK?

How about school? International? Or?

If your children settle well the might not relocate to UK with you if you later want to. Just something to consider.

I think a lot of it depends on your reasons for moving, connection with the place, etc. Also whether or not their other parent is involved and what the impact/arrangements of that would be. So if it's a bit of a flight of fancy, you've watched 'Eat, Pray, Love' and like the idea of living in Italy but don't speak the language and haven't spent much time there then I'd say YABU, but if you have had a great job offer, know the country and language well, know you and your child will have a better quality of life and great opportunities there then YANBU.

Yes living overseas can be a great experience but there are a lot of factors to consider.

Are you going as a couple - you say 'I' .If dad is not around but still named on birth certificate then he has PR and you would need his agreement or agreement from the family court if he disagrees.

If going as a couple - are you married ? Check that cohabitation without marriage is not an issue where you plan to go..

What will your immigration status be ?
How good are the schools?
Does your child speak the language. ?

Ultimately it's your choice not your child's . As a parent you have to make the best long term decisions for them and not be influenced by perceived short term upset if this move provides a better life than the one you currently live .

By upper primary are you talking year 6?

Realistically you're the parent and can move for any reason you think is good enough. I'd be wary though of moving a child away from their entire support network, especially if they're about to start high school, that can be really tough. I'd also consider that if you move knowing you don't have their 100% agreement, you can't act shocked if they act up / are resentful of this in the future.

As PP have mentioned, is it just you - is there a dad in the picture? Is there a language barrier? Is there a schooling barrier? What's the other country like? What's the moving process? Etc

Tbh I'd be interested to know what "quality of life" you think you'll have that could make up for the loss of family / friends. I'd also consider that in the future your child may choose to relocate back "home" even if you're settled in the other country, which would be a consideration for me!

We moved abroad in Auguste with an eight and one year old. We had purposely started visiting lots, so for the last 18 montha before the move we were here as much as possible so our son would become more familiar, rather than just having one visit and pictures etc to go on. We knew where we would be living, so he already knew who the neighbours were, what school he would be going to etc.

He had worries about friends and his grandma, he sees more of his grandma than we lived in the UK, but there are bigger gaps between seeing her. He made friends very quickly here and was playing out at the park, going on playdates etc far more than he did in he UK. To our surprise on a recent trip to the UK after he had a day out with his friends it became clear he was no longer worried about not seeing them much anymore which did surprise us.

We agreed as a family we would review the move after 12 months to see how we all feel. So far we’re all very happy with the move.

You're the adult so no, don't seek a child's permission.
Having said that, you need to give bit more info that other posters have already mentioned.

You don't need to ask permission of the child, but you do need to do your homework about schooling etc.

I moved internationally twice before the age of 9 and is messed my head right up. I lost people who were extremely close to me in both moves and it was quite catastropic for me both times. However, my Mum moves several times as a child and it had no effect on her whatsoever. I think it depends very much on the person.

I moved to the US age 6 - we knew it was only going to be for a fixed term. I was fine moving over there and had the most amazing time! I was an only child because my mum had struggled to conceive after me. The type of visa we had meant that she couldn't work and, being more relaxed, she conceived and gave birth to my 3 little brothers when we were there.

However, eventually our visa ran out and we had to return to the UK. I still feel sad to this day about leaving. It was very very tough. I would give anything to go back but it just doesn't work like that. By then I felt more American than English and it took me a long time to adapt. Despite spending a good chunk of my childhood there it doesn't count. My brothers, on the other hand, can return tomorrow if they wish, because they were born there, even though they were very young when we left - youngest was a baby in arms!

I would consider the bigger picture, OP. Where are you heading?

It depends what “better quality of life” actually means. It would have to be a lot better to justify the loss of family, I think. Keeping in touch virtually and a yearly in-person visit is a poor substitute and will lead to acquaintanceship. Tough on grandparents, too.

Friendships are not such a big issue, IMO. Many a child doesn’t want to move away from friends, but so long as they make new friends in the new place, they’ll get over it. But you can’t make new family.

I was living and working in a foreign country for a few years.

I moved back when my DD was 2 because I found it really isolating as a lone parent.

I'd say it really depends on your situation, but no I wouldn't move away from family and friends.

Do thorough research. We have lived overseas for 10 yrs and considering moving back. No where is perfect so make sure there are pull factors as well as push factors.

Just to answer a few questions: Dad not an issue, we speak the language, do have some family/friends in new country and schools are better than our local schools are.
Some really valid points though, lots to think about

I had lived in 5 different countries before the age of 10. I spoke 3 languages and attended local schools. It was the best time of my life and has opened up a whole world of opportunities and experiences for myself and my family. Personally so long as you can sustain yourself financially, school environment is a good one and you have friends and connections over there, I would definitely do it. Good luck to you and your family!

We moved a lot as kids and it was always whoever was in the last few years of primary who had the tougher time. Something about that age group and it being challenging to make friends again.
But if it's worth it for the family overall, you'll make it work, with a lot of patience and support.

That was my experience too. I think it's also childhood sweetheart phase and being repotted at that time is very complicated.