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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel so fucking resentful sometimes?

4 replies

GOT1996 · 04/04/2024 23:54

I have a 10 year old DD who has autism (more on the moderate-severe level and she still needs help with pretty much everything). DD’s father hasn’t seen her in about 4 years (there was quite severe DV and a court ruled he wasn’t safe to have contact).

DD really struggles with the school holidays as she thrives off the school routine, so naturally the school holidays are usually horrific and her behaviour is really challenging. It’s difficult to go out in poor weather because she hates getting wet and it’s difficult to go anywhere indoors because it’s usually packed and again, very triggering for her.

We are currently on Easter school holidays and honestly I’m just willing to completely give up after the day we’ve had. Her current thing is high pitch screaming whenever I ask her to do anything and if we have to get ready to go out anywhere (even if it’s somewhere she has asked to go), she has a massive meltdown (screaming, hitting, throwing things) for about 30-40 minutes before even getting dressed, and this continues even if I give her the option of us not going/staying at home instead.

I’ve not been very well myself (I’m undergoing urgent tests for suspected GI cancer which is fucking terrifying) and I’ve just honestly had enough of dealing with this, and I can’t help but feel so resentful of her dad right now for firstly not having to deal with any of this and secondly for not being a decent enough human being to actually be allowed and be safe enough to be a father and positive role model to DD. My parents help me out when they can but other than that it’s literally just me doing everything alone.

AIBU for feeling like this?!

OP posts:
Biggybigbiggles · 04/04/2024 23:56

Of course not. It sounds horrendously stressful and lonely. I'm so sorry you are in this position.

LifeIsShitt · 05/04/2024 00:04

I feel this way but was told I should suck it up and feel lucky my ex doesn't bother and I get to have the kids all to myself?! My oldest is autistic also but can't attend school and hasn't in 2 years so I am literally never without her and have 3 others younger children but hey I'm lucky my ex doesn't bother and I get to have them 24/7 🤦‍♀️ never had a night to myself in 7 years but shouldn't feel resentful apparently

GOT1996 · 05/04/2024 00:07

LifeIsShitt · 05/04/2024 00:04

I feel this way but was told I should suck it up and feel lucky my ex doesn't bother and I get to have the kids all to myself?! My oldest is autistic also but can't attend school and hasn't in 2 years so I am literally never without her and have 3 others younger children but hey I'm lucky my ex doesn't bother and I get to have them 24/7 🤦‍♀️ never had a night to myself in 7 years but shouldn't feel resentful apparently

DD’s dad said a similar thing to me “oh you’re lucky you get to see her all the time and yet all you do is moan” - coming from the man who genuinely has never parented a day in DD’s life and would probably put her into care if he had to deal with what I have to deal with everyday.

I’m sorry that sounds really tough and really stressful for you 💐 people just don’t understand at all!

OP posts:
LifeIsShitt · 05/04/2024 00:12

Unfortunately it wasn't even him who said it I've been told it on MN by other single parents, my children I chose to have them apparently so that means I shouldn't expect their father to have them 😂 honestly some people have no clue especially when a child has Sen and isn't a typical child!

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