Self worth

[SouthernStarlight]

Long story short- partner and I have not been intimate for 4 years. He had a prostetectomony(sp) I am 48 he is 56!

i feel so conflicted as it’s not his fault this has happened but neither is it mine. He told me that he is completely dead even after taking Tadafil every day and other Sidenafil (sp) etc. I am attractive and I see him looking at other women and enjoys subtly flirting etc and I feel insecure

i am so angry at myself for allowing myself to feel this way. We spoke of marriage and he has expressed he will not as married twice before but wants to live with me for the rest of his life

i feel I am capitulating to: no intimacy and no marriage and feel he is getting the best of it then I feel guilty

please can I get advice as it’s eating me slowly and making me
bitter💔

If you're not married then I suggest you leave if the relationship isn't fulfilling. It won't get better with time.

you don't need a functioning penis though to have a fulfilling sexual intimate relationship with your partner.
are both of you open to oral or vibrators etc.
but if the entirety of "sexual" relations is off then splitting up might better for your mental/emotional health.
equally at 48 with perimenopause at your doorstep, have you discussed hrt in case your insecurities stem from low estrogen as well?

I would end the relationship.

If the situation were reversed do you think he would hesitate in leaving you and seeking a sex life elsewhere?

My gut knows he won’t. I feel guilty truthfully that I am wanting something I know he can’t give due to the cancer . But I see him
staring at women then wonder because I know physically he can’t - we don’t really cuddle - just a kiss in the morning , when we go seperate ways during the day and at night. No intimacy at all

I feel overwhelmed and apologise if I appear weak but I am upset because my life is just not intimate and he won’t address it - it’s all shut down

@SouthernStarlight , that seems selfish of him if he is inconsiderate ro your needs unless u have not openly expressed this. I cant imagine bearing seeing my other half flirting with other women yet he wont be intimate with me...how is it he can do that...i agree with another poster that there are other things yall can explore even if he does not get in the mood, out of love dor you he shud try and please you. Are you open to counselling if this is an option u both are willing to do?