Ridiculous work situation, AIBU to keep fighting to stay?

[BigFlamingBurnout]

Please help me, I'm getting worried (and angry).

Context: I'm a conscientious, hard worker and struggle to say no. My employer has taken the absolute piss and piled more and more work on top of me. I'm now working easily 2x full time hours (and not for the kind of Wall Street salary you'd hope, considering I'm sacrificing my life for it). I'm tired, fed up, burnt out. I've been asking them to ease up and they've just kept adding to the pile. Looking back, I should have started saying no sooner. I've led a fairly privileged work life so far in that I'd never been badly treated by a manager in a way that took more than a "hey, can you stop being crap to me please" conversation to resolve. Even that has been very rare in my career; mostly I've been lucky to be treated well (which is not to say I've always got what I want, but I do feel when there has been a "no" it's always been fair).

Enter my current management. I finally asked for a formal meeting where I showed I was working 2x the hours I'm contracted for. Did I get support? No. I got shouted at, told it's a temporary staff shortage problem (for years), interrupted, gaslighted, and not a bloody thing has changed. Now I'm being treated like a criminal. Meetings are being cancelled and I'm not being told, so I physically travel off-site to enter an empty room. Other meetings which I have to attend are being arranged without asking me, at times I can't go. Junior staff are being told to keep things from me. My emails are being ignored. I'm being ignored. I've actually been given more work since that meeting, and when I try to say no to new work, I'm told I have to take it. I genuinely believe they are trying to break me. (I hope I don't sound paranoid but suspect I do because it's that ridiculous, I actually can't believe this is happening.)

I am pissed off but also worried. I like my job and I don't want to be forced out by selfish, unpleasant managers. AIBU to stay and fight my corner, or should I spend some time on that current thread about careers to retrain in?

Poll options because why not:

YABU: get the hell out, life is too short
YANBU: don't take this lying down, stay and fight for the job you enjoy

Thank you 💐

Nah they want you out. Id start looking for something new.

And consider if this might be constructive dismissal. ACAS website would be a good place to start.

Just get the hell out. Life's too short for this kind of shit.

Never stay in any job where you feel the need to ask for a meeting with management is my advice.

Exactly this. Start making a note of everything & save any emails that evidence them being shirty.
Do you have a union? Can you raise a grievance?

I thought constructive dismissal too. It reads like they're trying to make it so you leave, to avoid them paying out for redundancy.

Constructive dismissal. Start keeping detailed records/screenshots/email trails you can access out of work.

They are trying to bully you out.

Keep a diary of absolutely everything. Names, dates, what happened. Keep it unemotional and factual.
Call ACAS for advice
Best outcome is that you raise a grievance and then come to an agreement to leave, they pay you and you sign a compromise agreement, but take advice first.

Oh dear, this is what I was expecting but hoped I was wrong. Thank you all for the advice, duly noted. I've started keeping records, as I thought it might sadly be needed the way things are going, but hadn't considered needing to move it offline.

Two naive questions: is there really nothing that I can do but leave, when they're blatantly being awful? And aren't even successful grievances/constructive dismissal cases a lot of blood, sweat and tears for very little meaningful gain?

It feels as if once your manager decides to be horrific, you just have to leave and the only question left is how much of a fuss you make. I feel quite let down by the system right now. 🙁

Constructive dismissal is very hard to claim, it's rarely successful (I work for a union). Better if you can stay and wangle a settlement, somehow. Have you got a union? You need some proper advice around this. It does look as though they are trying to manage you out. It's difficult to say how to play it without knowing the company.

I would say stop working more than your set hours. If things don't get done that's not your fault. Whilst doing this also start looking for a new job. They don't care about you, don't have your back and will work you to death. I don't think they want to get rid of you - why would they when you're doing two people's jobs - they just want to take the piss and for you to suck it up.

I'd start working your contracted hours and ask your manager what they propose you drop to be able to do so. Put in writing your request so you have evidence- dear manager, as we have been discussing since Feb 2020 I have been having to work more than double my contracted hours to get through my workload. Unfortunately I am no longer in a position to be able to do this as of next Monday, so I'd be grateful for a discussion this week of what you'd like me to drop and to prioritise.' If no discussion is forthcoming - 'Dear manager, despite my request to meet to agree my revised priorities to be completed during my normal working hours no discussion has been forthcoming. I have therefore determined that mu priorities should be XYZ but again would welcome a discussion with you to confirm this.'

It's worth trying. How big is the company, could you get HR involved who might recognise a possible constructive dismissal case coming and act?

Can you not get the same job somewhere else?

Leave. Just go off sick and resign. You won’t change a toxic manager like this no matter how hard you try.

I wouldn’t advise trying to bring a claim for CD unless you’re made of steel and money. It takes a huge mental toll and lawyers can be very costly. I wouldn’t do it alone unless you want to spend the best part of the next two years basically training yourself in employment law and building your case.

Better to move on to somewhere where you feel valued and appreciated.

Look for another job, work to hours and leave when you another job. Life is too short

I voted leave. And remember HR are there to protect the company, not to help you. I learnt that the hard way

Ignoring you, witholding information from you, allowing you to waste time by not informing you meetings have been cancelled, are all examples of workplace bullying.

Just go. Honestly, most of the time pursuing formal processes is just a way of miring yourself in a bad situation indefinitely for very little gain.

If you can afford to (savings, or you have options to pick up work elsewhere), quit now. If you don't, start doing what you can in the time you have and giving no fucks about the rest while you jobhunt aggressively. Make the lack of resource their problem not yours. What are they going to do? Chain you up? They can't make you function without rest or do the job of two people, it simply isn't possible, so you might as well just stop trying and let the balls drop.

Once they want you out there’s no going back.

You could put in a formal complaint against your manager. HR will side with the manager but if you word it in the right way you might walk away with a compromise agreement.

They are trying to force you out.

It's not worth fighting it'll only mess with your mental health.

Leave while it's not too bad.

Sorry.

The only chance to stay is if by “current management” you mean a very specific manager, rather than multiple managers. Does you bosses boss know and support what’s going on? Do people in other depts you work with or collaborate with? Do you have any allies. Because your only route to stay is to get the managers who shouted at you moved, or yourself moved somewhere else in the company with more reasonable management.

Failing those, I’d consider a complaint or grievance to HR (citing workplace bullying) as a step towards negotiating a settlement agreement to leave (Google settlement agreements or exit packages). Do not just resign - if they want you out, make them buy you off.

In meantime agree with others about documenting everything, starting to “work to rule” (ie only your contracted hours) and generally rising above their BS so they don’t have anything they can reasonably retaliate back with.

I'd stay and fight if you think the wider organisation might support you or aren't aware of what is going on.

i had similar with workplace bullying from my line manager, I ended up raising a grievance and after involvement from HR and Senior Managemenr, my manager left the business and 10 years later I'm still there! It wasn't an easy time but it was a job I liked so I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

My first workplace was renowned for this behaviour. I’d take sick leave and find another role.

They’re trying to force you to quit…. but don’t just resign, get the maximum sick pay first then towards the end of it hand in your notice and ask them whether they want you to work your notice or just go quietly.

Actually, when they realise what you’re up to, that you’re going longish term sick, they might even offer you a payoff and a reference. My old workplace got rid of several folk that way and they invariably ended up in more enjoyable jobs - you will too. But make sure that you play this right.

Yep do this and start applying for other jobs when you would have been working overtime. Make sure you are getting a pay raise as well. When you get an offer take it to the highest management you can find at yoir current place and say you will only stay with the company if they beat the salary, put in writing that you will only work contracted hours and will provide you with completely new management.

They are using you OP - at the moment they are getting what they want (you working overtime without pay) they will keep bullying you as long as its working.

OP, you need to get out of there before it destroys your mental health because, believe me on this, it will.

@Mnk711 and@Daffidale are right with all their suggestions. If you work for a big organisation you may be able to go outwith current management structure to resolve this but if it’s a small-middling company with one linear chain of command then no chance. It’s not fair, but work hours, tell them in writing and find new job. Best of luck, incredibly stressful, but you will feel better with a plan and great when you move on and leave them to employ your (two) replacements.