Background
My DC's dad's side of the family have never been that bothered about seeing the DC. They see them usually twice a year. Their grandma used to come out for their birthdays but stopped when we split. Most of this family live about a 10 minute drive away, one lives 30 mins away. ExDH is a bit of a wet lettuce and will do anything to keep the peace.
Today ex-DH was talking about his uncle saying about them going out for a meal in a couple of months. His family never send birthday cards for the DC's actual birthdays they just wait til they meet up in the Summer months after their birthdays and will give them a card with money in. At the last meet-up after Christmas my DD didn't go to the meal as she was unwell. Ex-DH's uncle has said today he will only give her birthday money if she comes to the meal!! It's really left a nasty taste in my mouth. In my book, if you give a gift, you give it freely and you give it to show you care about the person. Putting conditions on it just says you care more about controlling someone. Quite honestly, neither of the DC are bothered about seeing them because they have no relationship with them. They go along to be polite. These people who show no interest in the DC the vast majority of the time, think they can control them with £20? Ex-DH said nothing of course. Said he's rude, that's just what he's like. I said I didn't want the DC seeing the uncle atall now. But the DC are 17 and 12 so it's their choice. Their dad asked them and neither want to go to the meal now. Said he could keep his £20! I'm glad that they can at least stand up for themselves even if their dad can't.
Would be interested in an outside perspective as it's really upset me.