Did anyone else become an adult late in the game?

[OneSeriousPerson]

40 is around the corner, and I don't have kids, property, investments or a viable profession (freelance my whole life and my industry is getting slaughtered by tech).

I also happen to come from a family of settled white collar professionals who all have their shit together and essentially see me as a lost cause.

Is there anyone else here who came to "grown up life" late in the game who can share their experience of becoming a respectable adult despite having delayed? I'm feeling like a fuck up here and am starting to look at retraining options/have applied for jobs, but starting to feel deflated and slightly depressed.

I am 43 and have been in a well paid job for years however I only bought my own home last year (and that’s shared ownership)

the property market is so hard and virtually impossible if you are on your own

things change overnight though don’t be so hard on yourself, if that’s what you really want sit down and come up with a plan to do it ie saving for deposit etc

Thank you .

I feel embarrassed sometimes because I tried a few things over the years and teaching was the first thing I actually stuck to. Now , here I am already trying to get out .

I thought - great , I’ll have a good wage and holidays off with the children to make up for working evenings and some weekends with studying , but it’s just not worked out like that. I’m now in supply having to work in the holidays to try and bump my wage up. My husband supported me through all my studying and now he’s still having to pick up the slack financially. We are by no means well off and I feel guilt with that. Luckily , he is really supportive and it was him who pushed me to leave my first teaching job as I was so utterly miserable and he said to me that my happiness and my mental health was more important than money. I’m currently applying for a CS job that pays about £200 a month less than what teaching would pay ( but more than what I get in supply when I worked it out ) and he’s so supportive of this . I’m lucky in that aspect .

It’s just sad that teaching makes me feel like this . I know I’m a good teacher , I have lovely relationships with all the children I teach and my intentions are so good - I really want to be a positive role model in these children’s lives but I have to consider the impact on my own children . The final straw was , as a mother of a SEN child , being told to not continue with things I had put in place for a SEN child in my class - on advice from an Educational Psychologist and things that were actually working and helping this child to focus more and produce better work - as they are “ never going to progress “ and instead should focus more on the ones that are . I was told if they want to just run around the class during input let them . That’s on top of a lot of toxic and damaging behaviour within the environment behind the scenes …. But I can’t be a part of a system like that 😟

Thank you .

I feel embarrassed sometimes because I tried a few things over the years and teaching was the first thing I actually stuck to. Now , here I am already trying to get out .

I thought - great , I’ll have a good wage and holidays off with the children to make up for working evenings and some weekends with studying , but it’s just not worked out like that. I’m now in supply having to work in the holidays to try and bump my wage up. My husband supported me through all my studying and now he’s still having to pick up the slack financially. We are by no means well off and I feel guilt with that. Luckily , he is really supportive and it was him who pushed me to leave my first teaching job as I was so utterly miserable and he said to me that my happiness and my mental health was more important than money. I’m currently applying for a CS job that pays about £200 a month less than what teaching would pay ( but more than what I get in supply when I worked it out ) and he’s so supportive of this . I’m lucky in that aspect .

It’s just sad that teaching makes me feel like this . I know I’m a good teacher , I have lovely relationships with all the children I teach and my intentions are so good - I really want to be a positive role model in these children’s lives but I have to consider the impact on my own children . The final straw was , as a mother of a SEN child , being told to not continue with things I had put in place for a SEN child in my class - on advice from an Educational Psychologist and things that were actually working and helping this child to focus more and produce better work - as they are “ never going to progress “ and instead should focus more on the ones that are . I was told if they want to just run around the class during input let them . That’s on top of a lot of toxic and damaging behaviour within the environment behind the scenes …. But I can’t be a part of a system like that 😟

@LanaL gah teaching Is HARD. I've had several people tell me even the training was the hardest thing they'd ever undertaken.

I wonder if you could use your training to do something like being an engagement officer for a charity or museum. Google 'engagement officer'. Might suit you x

I'm in my 60s, don't have kids and never wanted them.

I never wanted the normal, corporate, cog in a wheel, tied to the yoke in order to make the economy grow life. I've worked for myself all my life as a gardener making just enough money to do the things I enjoy and keep a roof over my head. I didn't work all day, all week or all year. I had time off to be, travel (cheaply) and muck about enjoying life.

I look at other people on the treadmill, working into their 60s to buy the latest car/sofa/cruise or put their kids through university.....then I sit in my garden with a cup of tea, put my feet up and think fuck that, it looks like a trap.

Do your own thing. We've only been told that growing up constitutes a proper job, a mortgage, kids...........we don't have to believe that.

It doesn't sound like you want any of these things, you just think that ticking these boxes off makes you an adult, but it does not. Just live your life the way you see fit!

But yes, your behavior with focusing on something for a bit and then just dropping it does sound like ADHD.

Dear god I feel like such a mess today

I trained in healthcare, a field which is desperately short of workers. I also trained in an area which many enter as a second career.

Do you want to talk? Hope you're feeling a bit better.

Just turned 40, no house either. Am hoping to buy with my partner this year, but there's no guarantee that it will be possible. Having a house doesn't automatically make one successful, amongst most people I know it's a sign of a rich family or having had a rich relative pass away who hadn't needed to go into care.

Have a career that I trained in a few years ago, however am becoming despondent that I'll never get off the bottom rung.

No kids, don't want them. Even if I did I doubt we'd be able to afford them.

Don't see what's wrong with being out several nights a week, though I suppose it depends how much people are drinking. If you don't have kids, are you simply supposed to become a telly addict after a certain age? My "going out" involves cultural events and activity groups, not sure if that would count as any more mature.

Overall, thank you for posting this. It's been good to hear others' perspectives.