At my wits end - Am I being unreasonable?

[Penny895]

You'll have to bare with me as it's along story but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

Me and my ex broke up over a year ago , we have a jointly owned house and a dog. We broke up because he was abusive emotionally and physically - criticised everything I did and was always talking to other girls behind my back. The abuse got worse when we broke up as I was still living at the house.

Eventually I had to move out due to a physical altercation that involved the police - it was no longer safe for me to be there.

I'm now paying for rent, mortgage and half of some of the bills - house ins, life ins, pet ins etc. I've been trying to communicate with my ex by email so we can make a plan to get the house sold (it's been up for 8 months and no interest) and get the price reduced. The same houses are much cheaper on our road but he says until he gets a legal document to protect his money he won't reduce it and he won't get the legal document until he sells some stuff or if I pay for it ... it's just excuse after excuse and recently he's ignored my communication altogether. I said I'm not paying to protect his money - he should of done that.

I've spoken to solicitors and the police and apparently there's nothing wrong in what he's doing and nothing I can do.

I'm now debating to just stop paying the mortgage and bills to stop his comfortable lifestyle so he actually get's the push he needs. I feel like my life is being controlled by him as I can't get a mortgage until the house sells so I have no choice but to rent. I'm paying out over a £1500 a month , barely keeping my head above water while he's living in our nice house for £700 a month inc bills.

What other options do I have?

I’d speak to woman’s aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/DAME_CHAPTER_07.pdf

Hi OP, I’m sorry this does sound like a tough situation. I really would not advise you stop paying the bills though because if those bills in your name/joint names aren’t paid you won’t be able to get a mortgage in your own name anyway as missing payments, especially mortgage payments, will destroy your credit.

@Mrsttcno1 Yes I thought about this - but he wants his money out the house so bad I don't think there's anyway he'd let that happen as he'd lose all of it.
I've even offered to walk away with nothing so the house price gets reduced and it doesn't compromise his money. It sounds desperate but the reality is I am.
It kills me that I can't move on from him properly and he's still living in our beautiful house while I'm struggling. It's not about me taking profit away from the house even - it's more about me cutting that tie and getting my name away from the joint financial asset.

Yes to calling women’s aid.

But I’d be inclined to tell him you can’t afford to keep paying so if he can’t reduce the price and get a sale he will need to start covering it himself from X date
then stop paying

He wouldn’t lose all of it for missing 1 or 2 payments, but those missed payments would be enough to stop you from being able to get another mortgage once you are free of him. I really would avoid doing anything which will affect you financially for potentially the next 6 years and stop you from building a new life without him.

The best thing you can do is seek proper legal advice, he is not legally allowed to do this. He can stay in the house if he wants to & buy you out, or the house has to be sold, but those are his only two options. You can have a court order the sale of the property if that is what it takes. X

What legal document is he talking about? If you're both in agreement that you own the house 50:50 then there's nothing further needed?

@PoppingTomorrow he put more money in then me and because he never got a deed of trust written up I’m entitled to 50/50

He’s not also trying to get me to stay in the house for 5 days to look after our dog while he goes away.

I’ve said I’ll do everything but overnight . I can’t face staying in the house with all the memories - especially now I’ve made progress with my mental health. I was diagnosed with PTSD from the abuse and I just can’t go back.

I’ve offered to help towards dog boarding but he’s saying if I don’t help he’ll have to look into putting him up for adoption.

I feel so guilty but I just can’t go back

Fair enough with half of the mortgage but why are you paying hlf of the bills? Just let them know it’s only him that lives there now

Have you contacted your mortgage company? They may be able to give you a payment holiday or extend the term to reduce the monthly payment.

Are you definitely joint or tenants in common? If you were contributing unequally, the latter would have been the obvious choice.

You both need to take some urgent legal advice.... are you absolutely sure you didn't put anything in writing when you first moved in together about what would happen if you separated?

See if you can claim occupation rent for your half of the house in the Small Claims Court? This might motivate your ex to take stock.
You don't need a solicitor for this and a claim can be issued online.
https://www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

The house is tenants in common and apart from the deposit I paid half the mortgage and my name is on the house deeds. I also still paid £10k towards the deposit.

@Catopia 100% sure we didn’t. Solicitor said if no deed of trust was written up then it’s 50/50 that’s why he panicking now and won’t reduce the house price