I’ve been with my partner for four years, known him and his family for 11 years.
We have an 11 month old baby, and I am due to return to work in two weeks.
We own a house together, and my partner owns two more properties one is rented out the other his mum lives in and he pays the mortgage and majority of the bills for her. he told her she does not need to work and gave her freedom to quit her job and set up her own business which is picking up nicely in recent months. No matter what happens with her business, my partner will continue to pay his mortgage on the house she lives in and majority of the bills to provide for her. Sounds lovely doesn’t it … since start in maternity I have given all my wages all of my maternity allowance to my partner to pay for our home and in return I receive £50 on a Friday(every Friday) back to spend as my maternity money. This pays for Baby classes, swimming, social events and clothing for myself and Baby, I’m sure you can imagine this is not enough. However, his business with his mum is his business and not mine so I’ve tried to keep quiet about it. Is this fair?? I know we have our own home commitments but surely we should be provided for a little more?!
Unfortunately, his mum has had to provide a partial home for his niece due to the relationship breakdown between his nieces parents (his brother) therefore the house that his mum resides in (my partners house) has been referred to as the safe house. when my little boy was 12 days old She proceeded to tell me that she will create a safe house for my little boy somewhere he can escape to. Unfortunately, after a traumatic birth I had severe depression and all I needed was my baby close to me to heal me.. this comment really hurt me, and I cried and cried to her, told her how unreasonable and unacceptable It was to tell me these things so close after having my baby, and that my baby will only ever be safe with me and my house should be the ultimate safe house, wherever I am, there’s no need for any house to be labelled as the safe house. there’s been other things like this, where I felt my child has been, not extremely, but slightly unsafe in her care while I have been on maternity leave. His niece, throwing my four month old baby in the air playing while I was at the toilet. I know this because it was caught on video by my mother in law and sent to me after. I trust my mother-in-law with my baby, however some things do concern me for another example giving him food for an advance weaner at only nine months old etc . And disregarded my wishes for him while he’s in her care.
My baby will be at nursery Mondays Thursdays and Fridays and with me on Wednesdays. He will then be with my parents or my partner’s mum alternate Tuesdays.
My work is not being fully supportive of me having a baby and taking a year off maternity leave and making me feel very anxious about my return in two weeks time. Therefore I feel I need to be at ease. The first week I go back I need to know my son is safe.
I have asked that my parents have my son the first Tuesday I am back at work. Then the alternates can commence.. my mother in law cannot do the Tuesday after due to her business requirements and I asked that my parents have him the first and second week I am back at work THEN commence the alternate Tuesdays for his care.
I’ve been told by my partner despite my mental health his mother should have my baby the first Tuesday .. my second day back at work .. I just can’t. I need my parents to have him that first Tuesday she then can’t to the second so would just need to miss one week of her Tuesdays with him. I’m being called unreasonable and that his mother’s feelings cannot get hurt even at my expense … I’m the child’s mother! I respect my little one is OUR baby and we make decisions together however I can’t feel this uneasy my first week back after 13 months of being off work with the already dread I have!
Am I being unreasonable?