Am I too ‘ill’ to work? I don’t think so.

[Iamgoingtohell]

I have a personality disorder. Last year I left my abusive husband after 23 years.
Since then I’ve not been able to function.
I am receiving NSH help but it’s not working yet and not at the stage I’m ready for DBT.
For the last 15 years my work has been my only relief. I have lost all family and friends.
I have been off work on and off since March last year and it’s got to them referring me for ill health retirement.
I cut my hours but still not able to successfully do my job. I can not focus, make decisions or organise my life.
I don’t want to be out of work and I’m scared. I have many years left until state pension.
But I can’t regulate myself to be wear a decent mask. It’s like I’ve run out of personas and the only thing that’s left is an unstable alcoholic.
I’ve been told I need to self care but can’t do that because I’m frightened of being reliant on benefits.
Not sure what the point of this is. Just needed to get it off my chest.

It sounds like a very difficult situation

Your current employment is not working for you if you have been off, on and off, for a year - I'm not suprised your employer has referred you

Is there a job that you think you could do? Something that fits in with your health issues?

@PickledPurplePickle There are no vacancies at present that they can move me to.
You are right, it’s not working for me and perhaps I’m expecting too much.
I just can’t imagine being out of work but every time I go back I can’t cope.
I think I just feel utterly useless as a human. A bit dramatic but true nevertheless