Postnatal - feel like DH completely disregard my feeling

[MumDaisy1980]

Had given birth like for a few days. 1st preg.

getting adjusted to new set up. DH off work to help out. But we basically two ppl got stuck at home.

I did mention today is the most fed up, feel physically sick. Becoz I got 3rd tear, I can’t really go out cafe or small outing. My routine so far wake up , feed, nappy n sleep. and also I did the night shift. Because DH don’t sleep during the day, I do.

then I felt stone cold when he asked me am I ready for visitor yet?!?!? I felt wTF ? Why he could even raise the question?! When I asked what made him think I m ready he just said why not. With his eyes staring at the bloody phone playing stupid game of chess.

I sobbed and now hiding in bedroom. Very sad.

I can’t see a problem with him asking several days after the birth whether it’s okay for family and friends to visit, particularly if you’d mentioned feeling fed up at not being able to go out and as though life is nothing but sleeping, waking up, feeding and changing nappies. You’re both getting used to the drudgery of a newborn and need to cut each other a bit of slack whilst you learn the ropes.

I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. That's pretty normal after having a baby, especially your first. Your hormones will be affecting how you feel, and being very tired won't help. I expect you're in pain from the tear, too.

Have a good cry, take a shower, then tell your husband how you feel.

Maybe in a fortnight you'll be ready for visitors. Tell your husband you need more time.

Things will get better, I promise.

WTF.

Make your DH do half of each night shift. Asking about visitors after a few days is totally reasonable.

Thank you for quick reply.

when DH off the phone , then he back to a normal self and indeed like what @ComtesseDeSpair said he suggested becoz I mentioned fed up and thought visitor might help.

but he is like flip when he is on phone playing games . Talked so mean. Then when off phone like a normal human.

he just like puzzled now as in what did he do sth wrong. That made me even more frustrating.

becoz I started shouting , baby on his sling. He just moved out the room eventually.

exhuasted. Thanks again for replying.

He isn't a mind-reader so you need to communicate clearly with him especially as you are tired.

Tell him clearly how you feel, and importantly how much pain you are in without having a go at him.

Oh and he may not be able to sleep in the day but you need to ensure he does his fair share so goes to sleep much later at night. Otherwise when he goes back to work you will be doing it all. Plenty of fathers do solo night care of their baby from the evening up to midnight/1am.

I had guests from the day we brought first baby home and went out to lunch the day after. Because I felt fine. You obviously do not. But don't expect your partner to be a mind reader - tell him you are still feeling uncomfortable, are still adjusting, are very tired, and he needs to get off his phone and attend to your needs. If he wants someone to visit he needs to tidy the house and get the food organised and be prepared to tidy it up after.

he just like puzzled now as in what did he do sth wrong. That made me even more frustrating.

Tell him it isn't a good idea for either of you to talk to each other when you are on mobile phones or watching stuff on TV/steaming/social media.

You will need to do this with your child when they are older so you should start doing this with each other now.

Btw it doesn't matter if you don't do this but if you blame him solely you will get his back up.

How you are feeling is completely normal and I'm giving you virtual hugs. I had a big blip in the first couple of days. The come down from the excitement, your recovering from surgery/ birth, in no routine and trying to be in love and we put a lot of pressure on being happy.

Take all the time you need, we always said to each other whatever was said in those first weeks or during the night doesn't count as your likely to take things out on each other.

Visitors can wait, he's probably having people ask out of excitement and it's ok to say no and delay people visiting.

You will start to feel yourself again and you'll be out and about before you know it.

I agree that honest talking is the way to go. It's normal to be tearful a few days after birth, it's the rush of hormones that help your milk come in. It used to be called the baby blues. My generation would still be in hospital and we'd have Midwife and the support from the Mums on their second + babies. Tell him that you need time to adjust and heal. Make sure that you are eating well. A lot of new first time parents start box sets, because it can be a bit boring, but overwhelming at the same time.