To feel utterly frustrated

[ThisPeachSnake]

Just that really, I feel like an utter failure. I have a lovely child and my partner and I would like another.
However, the cost of childcare means its just not doable. I have worked so hard, and we have a good combined salary. It just feels unbelievable that we can't afford to have two children!
I sometimes feel as though I've chosen the wrong job. I also feel stuck, and would like to move out of the high cost area but just seems so daunting to me. I'm in my dream job, but just can't afford rent + £1800x2 childcare pcm!
I'm not counting on any government funding or 9 month olds coming through, so won't be basing the decision on that.
I'm just irritated and wonder how people do it?

Why don’t you think the government will come through?

Could you go PT?

I always wanted two so that they wouldn’t be alone in the world when I die.

I understand. I’m pregnant. Unless things massively change for us financially we’ll likely be one and done, so this baby (& us!) can have the best quality of life possible. A few reasons for that but a big one being finances. Not sure how we could afford a second. It’s another year of less money coming in on maternity leave, but while having another to clothe and feed, take on days out, buy birthday presents for. Then when you go back to work it’s the double childcare like you say. Even if you wait till the big one is in school, they don’t just start costing less money. You still have wraparound care and school trips and uniform.

Working families shouldn’t be in this position but they are. You either have to cut your cloth, find a better paid job or stick with one tbh. Just the way it is.

To be honest OP, I'm glad you're actually thinking about the costs involved in having another child, and debating whether you can actually afford it or not. Too many people just go ahead and have child after child, without a thought for how they're going to afford to care for them, cloth them, feed them, etc. If you feel that you really can't fund another child, then surely it's not the end of the world, maybe be thankful for the one that you have, and remember there are lots of people who can't have a baby at all, and also that there are lots out there, who are really struggling to afford those that they have, due to the ridiculous cost of living in the UK now. Would it perhaps be better to stop at one, and be in a position to give them everything that you want to give them in life, than to have a second, and make life an even bigger struggle? I know it doesn't seem fair, but no one ever said that life is, did they?

Nurseries really can’t afford it, that’s why. Shortage of places and the funding for each child does not cover overheads at the setting. I’ve been enquiring and I’m still in the first trimester, loads don’t have space until 2026. I will need to go back to work in autumn 2025. System needs a big fix!

could you give up work until the children are at school?

We wanted 4 kids but knew we could not afford a 5 bed house in an ok location, and had to consider work, who would look after them etc as we have never gone for childcare as we don't trust strangers.

I just wish there were more people like you that considered the financial impacts re having a child or more kids

You are a credit to society and there should be more people like you and your DH.

Wishing you the happiness you seek, soon.

I have over 3 years between my DC which helped avoid two huge sets of childcare bills and, if they choose to go, two sets of university fees. Neither seems to want to do degrees of more than 3 years at present. Phew!

Wait until your first is 2. That way you'll be on maternity leave with both and he/she will then start reception. = only one nursery fee.

You'll get the government funding, which is discount rather than free but it all helps.

@AngSey

I always wanted two so that they wouldn’t be alone in the world when I die.

Woah... pretty heavy for the first reply.

And not true. You could have three kids and they could all hate each other and never speak.

@Sparksi

Yep. Totally bizarre reason to have children. I'm an only child. My husband is too. We're not "alone in the world" 🙄