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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He deleted Tinder app but not his profile

26 replies

Ana25 · 02/04/2024 19:12

Been seeing this guy for several months and we are now in a relationship.

Last time we were together he said he had deleted Tinder app from his phone and I agreed to do the same. I said I'd be deleting the app and my profile - to that, he said oh is it different and I said yes deleting the app doesn't delete the profile. He said 'well either way I'm not looking at it anymore, will delete the profile as well if you want'

I was going to delete mine today and he responded 'I already deleted mine' - but we are still matched, messages still there and his profile still there.

He's clearly deleted the app and not his actual profile. My expectation would be that we do both. I don't want to push it and make it seem i dont trust him. AIBU?

OP posts:
swimlyn · 02/04/2024 19:15

He's keeping his options open.

Maybe you should too.

Original poster
Ana25 · 02/04/2024 19:19

I mean maybe @swimlyn but seems unlikely.

It seems like a bad hill to die on when everything is good between us - but now thinking, why the heck should delete mine if he's still on his?

OP posts:
LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 02/04/2024 19:20

Delete your app, keep your profile

Original poster
Ana25 · 02/04/2024 19:22

I just think it's wrong to keep a live profile going once you've decided to be exclusive @LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls ?

It's like hedging your bets somehow

OP posts:
Springtime43 · 02/04/2024 19:22

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 02/04/2024 19:20

Delete your app, keep your profile

What’s good for the goose …

toomuchfaff · 02/04/2024 19:22

when I stopped going on dating apps, I just deleted the app, the profile still remained I imagine but not accessed. it's not an unusual approach... but if you insist it may seem a bit "red flag"

Original poster
Ana25 · 02/04/2024 19:25

That's what I'm thinking @toomuchfaff - he might take it as I'm controlling

So maybe I just delete it as I believe it's the right thing but point out his is still live and not truly deleted. Hint, hint...

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 02/04/2024 19:43

Don’t do this.

If you want this relationship to go anywhere, then you have to start with clear communication.

If you have an issue or an opinion, express it clearly. No “hint hint”.

Original poster
Ana25 · 02/04/2024 19:45

@Mrsttcno1 what do you mean 'dont do this'? You mean don't say anything/turn it into a big deal?

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 02/04/2024 19:46

Ana25 · 02/04/2024 19:25

That's what I'm thinking @toomuchfaff - he might take it as I'm controlling

So maybe I just delete it as I believe it's the right thing but point out his is still live and not truly deleted. Hint, hint...

I'd say so.

I mean, I've not touched mine in over 8 years, I think the app has long since gone now hahaha

Mrsttcno1 · 02/04/2024 19:47

Ana25 · 02/04/2024 19:45

@Mrsttcno1 what do you mean 'dont do this'? You mean don't say anything/turn it into a big deal?

sorry it posted too soon- have editted it with my full reply!

Didimum · 02/04/2024 20:07

Stop with the hints. You’re an adult. Ask him to delete his profile as you find it disrespectful in an exclusive relationship. If he won’t, you have your answer. Don’t tiptoe around men, it won’t serve you well.

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 02/04/2024 20:08

You don't trust him - just end it

Original poster
Ana25 · 02/04/2024 20:10

The above replies prove my point.

If I do what @Didimum suggests he will probably be thinking what @haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain has just said

It's not true that I don't trust him but I think trust us earned over time generally through demonstrating you're trustworthy.

OP posts:
TTPD · 02/04/2024 20:11

I don't think I ever actually deleted my profile from tinder, and I met DH on there 8 years ago.

I just deleted the app and forgot about it.

jamtartandpie · 02/04/2024 20:15

My now dh didn't delete his. It was years and y was a ago though and he was just not savvy with that kind of stuff. I did tell him, he said 'oh really, what do I need to do' and I told him. He did it.
It shouldn't really be an issue, unless there are other issues...

blacksocks33 · 02/04/2024 20:25

toomuchfaff · 02/04/2024 19:22

when I stopped going on dating apps, I just deleted the app, the profile still remained I imagine but not accessed. it's not an unusual approach... but if you insist it may seem a bit "red flag"

This so what came to my mind aswell.
I would just casually bring it up if it's bothering you.. it probably hasn't occurred to him that didn't delete his profile!

mcdonaldschip · 02/04/2024 20:56

My husband did the same thing, but when I told him deleting the app doesn't remove his profile, he redownloaded the app and deleted his profile in front of me. Sadly neither of us took screenshots of our first conversations so they're lost forever 😭

mumofoneanddone82 · 02/04/2024 20:59

I don't think he has a clue! So many men think that deleting the app means deleting your profile. They aren't all that smart.

Sparksi · 02/04/2024 21:00

Whoops, I only deleted the app. Never removed my profile. I don’t think this is a red flag at all.

Scamvictim · 02/04/2024 21:01

I don’t think I ever deleted any of my profiles on apps. If you don’t log in your profile just goes further and further down the stack of ones that are shown until it’s basically it’s as good as deleted. I wouldn’t take it as a red flag, if he’s not using the app that’s good enough IMO.

Mmhmmn · 02/04/2024 21:03

You could catfish him with a fake profile and see if he bites but it wouldn’t be the best basis for a relationship 😂 But seriously, if you don’t trust him, leave it.

Original poster
Ana25 · 02/04/2024 21:24

I think you're right @Scamvictim it's just not the hill to die on. Have now decided I'm not going to challenge him on it but if it comes up later I'll just mention he actually deleted the app and not the profile...

@mcdonaldschip I screenshotted our entire conversation earlier 🙂

OP posts:
missmollygreen · 02/04/2024 21:26

Why do you care? he could make a new profile any time he wanted

Scamvictim · 02/04/2024 21:36

I think that’s the right attitude OP, I think the fact he’s deleted the app is all you need as reassurance. But if you are paranoid, check his profile a couple of times over the next couple of days when you know he’s in different places and see if his distance away from you changes. That only updates if he’s actually on the app. But I’d say the likelihood is that he is really into you if he’s deleted the app and you have nothing to worry about.

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