My ex (ds's dad) usually has ds on a Friday until about 6pm. Today, I texted him to say he could have him a bit longer if he liked, but please bring him home by about 6.30pm if he hasn't watched TV by then, or by about 7pm if he has (ds watches a bit of TV before getting ready for bed). He replied to say fine. This way, I'd have time to chat with him, read stories, wash hands, clean teeth, etc and him be asleep around 8pm, maybe 8.30pm.
My ex returned ds (who's 3, btw) at almost 7.30pm, in no way ready for bed and having watched no pre-bed TV, and having been told in the car that he could watch some when he got home.
When I explained to my ex why this wasn't on, he told me I was overly-principled when I should be looking for solutions, and that in the time I was "going on about it", ds could have watched a five-minute show. He flung a variety of labels at me, referred to me as overly controlling, and implied I should lighten up.
I said ds needs rest, and some boundaries, and needs to know he can't start watching TV when we'd normally switch the lights out. I didn't put the TV on, which I regret, as it's part of ds's routine, and he flipped at me - and I flipped back. As it turned out, ds went to sleep an hour later than usual, feeling sad "because he wants to live altogether as a family again".
My gut feeling was that my ex is being somewhat controlling and manipulative (he reckons this evening's late bedtime was mostly down to me ) - but then I started wondering, PMT and all, if it is indeed me.
Thoughts? How to handle differently next time? Because there will no doubt be a next ...