To think this was unacceptable?

[Vacantstare]

TW: Mention of sexual assault

When I was in active labour, a midwife came into the room to take over and started reading my private notes aloud. She said “so you’ve got PTSD from a sexual assault, yes?”. I was completely taken aback as this was spoken about privately with my midwife when writing my birth plan as I’d specified that I didn’t want to have any male staff present unless it was an emergency.

AIBU to not want to have been reminded of a traumatic experience whilst feeling incredibly vulnerable and in extreme pain?! I understand she may have wanted to check my notes to see if there was anything she needed to be aware of but was it really necessary to say that out loud in a room full of people? I didn’t expect to discuss it when I was 9cm dilated😐

My partner was with me and doesn’t know much about the trauma as it’s hard for me to talk about it. It was upsetting for me to have this brought up.

Was this normal or was I right to feel upset and angry about this?

I have PTSD from a sexual assault too and the staff were brilliant when I had DS. Admittedly, I had an ELCS because if it but they never mentioned it just went out of the way to make me safe and as comfortable as possible. I would not be happy at all about someone just blurting it out like that. Almost every medical professional I've ever dealt with (bar one but that's a whole different story) has been nothing but supportive and considerate. You're definitely not unreasonable to by upset and angry. The midwife needs serious training.

I think only another midwife can say what the training is on this point, but I had a similar incident - albeit not during labour. I had a different community mw for a home visit as my usual appointments were missed due to being on Christmas/new years day. She read my notes and said how I’d had such a bad time, hadn’t I, referring to my 3 mcs. She said this while my 7 year old was in the room. He looked up, very interested. I mouthed ‘he doesn’t know ‘ at her - and she apologised. I was a bit taken aback that she blurted it out in front of a child old enough to understand that his mum had had a very bad time. After she’d gone, I had to answer his questions.

You would think that common sense would suggest that you don’t bring something sensitive up in front of children or during labour. I’m sorry that it happened to you as it would have much more difficult for you than it was for me.

Thats so out of order. Sorry op x

I think it very much depends on the circumstances. You say active labour. Would there have been time for her to ask your partner to leave or did you need urgent attention?

Again, you say room full of people? Who were they? Other medical staff who needed to be made aware?

It was a precipitous labour so not much time but if that was the case couldn't she have just pulled them to one side and told them or said "no male staff unless necessary".

Yanbu, what clarity would she need while you were in labour. I can imagine how even more vulnerable you felt. How did she know that your dp knew about it? What if it was kept private from him too?

Very out of order and insensitive. I would complain.

It was too long ago now so I don't think I can but wish I did at the time😔

It wasn't even said in a sensitive way. She might as well have said "so it's your first child then."

I thought they would be aware of how to act sensitively in those situations given their jobs. I wish I'd spoken up at the time.