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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that I can't get a doctor for my daughter?

84 replies

JennyBeanR · 02/04/2024 13:36

Just that really. Need to vent. Over the bank holiday weekend my daughter has developed what I suspect is an ear infection. Fever, off her food, and screaming in pain. She's non verbal so can't tell me exactly what is up but she seems to be pulling on her ears more than usual. We've kept her temperature at bay by alternating Calpol and nurofen but last night she was in so much pain, wailing for hours so I took her to A&E. She'd had meds before arriving so fever started to reduce. Triage didn't seem to give a crap and just kept asking her questions to which I repeatedly said she doesn't understand and can't answer...

Left A&E after 2 hours as she was becoming more distressed and I saw estimated wait was 6 hours (which would overlap with GP opening). Tried GP this morning and can't get through. Finally gave up and called 111, now waiting for a clinician to call back. Meanwhile my girl is lethargic, puffy faced, feverish, and still off her food. She vomited after waking today and is pretty much unable to sit up without crying. I'm on my own with her this week and feel so worried and stressed. She can't tell me what's wrong so naturally I keep worrying it's the worst possible thing and not the likely ear infection. Lack of sleep isn't helping.
So yea I'm pissed off at my local NHS at the moment. I know they work hard but this just feels ridiculous.

So AIBU to be completely pissed off at this poor service on behalf of my daughter?

OP posts:
LettersOfTheAlphabet · 02/04/2024 13:37

How old is dd? Does she attend special school? If so the school nursing team may be able to help?

ChedderGorgeous · 02/04/2024 13:38

You should have just waited in A and E. You would have been seen there within the next 4 hrs or so and hopefully with treatment she wouldn't have got worse overnight.

MumChp · 02/04/2024 13:39

You left A & E? I understand your problems but you dont get sorted by leaving.

Hope 111 helps you and your daughter feels better soon!

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 02/04/2024 13:39

I agree you should have rang 111 earlier or stayed in A and E. I’m guessing your area doesn’t have minor injuries style units?

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 02/04/2024 13:40

Write to your MP and tell them how ridiculous it is becoming, but tbh 111 or a walk in centre could have helped over the weekend.

Comedycook · 02/04/2024 13:40

I think you should have stayed in a&e to be honest....I know it's hellish though. Hope your DD is better soon.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 02/04/2024 13:43

You should have stayed. And saying things like Triage doesn't give a crap doesn't help.

People actively dying would take priority, so even though I understand how hard it is for Mum to see their child in distress, you should have waited.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 02/04/2024 13:44

You should have waited in A&E and called GP whilst you were there. Being rude about triage doesn’t help, it’s their job to ask questions. GP would always be busy today after the bank holiday. And yes it’s rubbish but unfortunately your experience is far from unique. Chose your vote wisely in the election…

Mayflower282 · 02/04/2024 13:45

Do you have a walk-in-center nearby? Yes nhs is on its knees right now.

The alternative is private gp appointment, near me they are about £45. I usually get seen within 30 mins of booking an appt.

NCForQuestions · 02/04/2024 13:46

You should have stayed at A&E.

You can phone 111 24/7 and they can arrange an OOH GP appointment for you, but if your GP surgery are open now they will just tell you to contact them or phone 111 again after 6pm (in my experience).

Have you tried your GP again since the morning rush?

Original poster
JennyBeanR · 02/04/2024 13:50

Yes I probably should have stayed in A&E but I was worried about not being able to drive us back, due to exhaustion, and I honestly didn't think getting a GP would be an issue in the morning. She's not sick often so I didn't anticipate how tricky it would be. Also the triage was freaking useless and I was reaching a limit. DD was distressed there and it was hard to comfort her as she just wanted to lay down, but there was no where to do that. The lights and noises were making her cry as well. There was also a drunk man harassing the staff. It was freaking awful.

A positive, the 111 health assistant was very good and thorough so I'm hopeful we'll have a doctor this afternoon (or at least a call). DD is sleeping again now. I hope someone can come see her. When I'm calm I think it's obviously an ear infection, so antibiotics will sort it.

She's nearly 5.

OP posts:
Original poster
JennyBeanR · 02/04/2024 13:51

Hoplittlebunnyhophophopandstop · 02/04/2024 13:39

I agree you should have rang 111 earlier or stayed in A and E. I’m guessing your area doesn’t have minor injuries style units?

The only 24 hours service is A&E unfortunately. Minor injuries unit operates weekdays until 10pm.

OP posts:
AssassinsEyebrow · 02/04/2024 13:51

If you can't get through to GP take her then instead to make an apt in person - they'll get her on the urgent list and you never know, might even see her while you're there.

Otherwise - 111 or even return to A&E if your instincts tell you to. Take what you need to a lengthy wait but you're more likely to be seen quickly if you go during the day

Original poster
JennyBeanR · 02/04/2024 13:52

LettersOfTheAlphabet · 02/04/2024 13:37

How old is dd? Does she attend special school? If so the school nursing team may be able to help?

She does attend a special school but they are closed for the Easter break. She's not due back for 2 weeks.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/04/2024 13:56

The job of the triage nurse is to ask the questions and make the observations that allow them to correctly identify how urgent the patient's need is, @JennyBeanR, and it sounds as if that is what they did.

Unfortunately they did not think your daughter's condition was as urgent as that of the people ahead of her in the queue.

PassingStranger · 02/04/2024 14:00

you shouldnt leave a and e its the same for everyone young and old, you just have to wait?
Thats the reality.

LIZS · 02/04/2024 14:02

A pharmacist can prescribe for minor ailments, although perhaps not a young child. If not they might have directed you to other help.

RitaConnors · 02/04/2024 14:04

I took my dd to casualty recently and she was in absolute agony and we had to wait eleven hours. It was scary as well as there were drunks and people who had been in fights and all sorts.

I agree with you that it's a travesty that we can't get to see a doctor but on the other hand there aren't any so we can't.

My DD's issue was an eye injury and since then we have been to the eye casualty probably twenty times. We've been today in fact. The average wait is four hours. There are people with horrific conditions. Old people who have fallen, people who have been in accidents, workmen with bits of metal sticking out of them. Half of the patients can't see a thing.

Original poster
JennyBeanR · 02/04/2024 14:12

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/04/2024 13:56

The job of the triage nurse is to ask the questions and make the observations that allow them to correctly identify how urgent the patient's need is, @JennyBeanR, and it sounds as if that is what they did.

Unfortunately they did not think your daughter's condition was as urgent as that of the people ahead of her in the queue.

Perhaps you're right, but this feels wrong to me. Aren't they supposed to have understanding of disabilities? My daughter isn't high functioning. She is non verbal severely autistic. She will likely need some form of care for the rest of her life. She doesn't understand "does your tummy hurt" and she can't reply, nod, or indicate. Maybe I'm being over sensitive here,but if the patient had a more visually obvious disability, I don't think they would ask questions the person obviously can't answer.
Think of how they'd adjust the triage questions for blind, deaf, and wheelchair bound patients.

Also, she seemed to be completely ignoring my answers. It was bizarre.
I'm aware my daughter isn't typical. There are just 10 students in her age group at the special school, and some have physical disabilities as opposed to SEN. It's quite possible the nurse had never seen a child like my DD before.

OP posts:
UndecidedAboutEverything · 02/04/2024 14:14

I do really feel for you OP, it’s so upsetting when your child is unwell.

I used to get chronic ear infections as a kid, very rarely antibiotics helped. In reality only things that helped were:

paracetamol and ibuprofen

lying quietly in bed slightly propped up on pillows so ear can drain.

Lie on the “bad side” or if both ears bad, alternate so sometimes on one side, sometimes the other.

Hot water bottle under one ear at all times - really soothing.

Regular drinks of warm weak Ribena (vit C and very comforting and hydrating)

NowYouSee · 02/04/2024 14:14

Op if you’re in England your best bet may be a pharmacy under the Pharmacy First scheme where Acute Otitis Media (ear infection) can be treated for 1-17 year olds.

https://www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/launch-of-nhs-pharmacy-first-advanced-service/

it is also worth reading the flowchart they use to see whether they are likely to prescribe and if so what, see final page
https://www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/PRN00936_ii_Pharmacy-First-Clinical-Pathways-v.1.6.pdf

NHS England » Launch of NHS Pharmacy First advanced service

https://www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/launch-of-nhs-pharmacy-first-advanced-service/

PotatoPudding · 02/04/2024 14:14

If you call 111, they should be able to arrange an out of hours doctors appointment for her.

Pingu18764 · 02/04/2024 14:18

JennyBeanR · 02/04/2024 14:12

Perhaps you're right, but this feels wrong to me. Aren't they supposed to have understanding of disabilities? My daughter isn't high functioning. She is non verbal severely autistic. She will likely need some form of care for the rest of her life. She doesn't understand "does your tummy hurt" and she can't reply, nod, or indicate. Maybe I'm being over sensitive here,but if the patient had a more visually obvious disability, I don't think they would ask questions the person obviously can't answer.
Think of how they'd adjust the triage questions for blind, deaf, and wheelchair bound patients.

Also, she seemed to be completely ignoring my answers. It was bizarre.
I'm aware my daughter isn't typical. There are just 10 students in her age group at the special school, and some have physical disabilities as opposed to SEN. It's quite possible the nurse had never seen a child like my DD before.

Show quote history

I often ask the child regardless, expecting the patient to answer. I do this with anyone with disabilities as you just never know and it feels more human to me.

also often what people think Triage need to know isn’t actually what triage nurses are trained to need to know.

MetalFences · 02/04/2024 14:18

Perhaps you're right, but this feels wrong to me. Aren't they supposed to have understanding of disabilities?

But pretty much everyone in A&E is in a bad situation. That's why they are there. Especially in the night.

Your dd wasn't going to die whilst she was waiting. That's what A&E are dealing with.

I'm not saying it's good enough because it definitely isn't but it's the same for every one of us.

iLovee · 02/04/2024 14:19

You must be absolutely exhausted, I hope you are okay!

Any chance you could sneak a nap in whilst your little girl is napping? Things might feel more manageable after a bit of sleep.

I'm sorry the nurse didn't understand her autism either. That is just adding to frustration!

My GP holds afternoon appts back for poorly children, is it worth calling and asking now the morning rush is over?