To think it’s rude to only get in touch with someone on your own birthday?

[PitterPatter3]

This is an old college friend. Male but only ever totally platonic and I was friends with he and his girlfriend (now wife) as a couple. They now live back in his native Canada.

I’m a bit of a birthday geek and always used to send out a quick FB message on each of their birthdays which would lead to a nice catch-up conversation. Neither of this couple ever acknowledged my own birthday however and after 10+ years I reached a point where I was busy with a young family and frankly I couldn’t really be arsed anymore.

Every year since the guy has messaged me within a couple of days of his birthday to point out he hasn’t heard from me and hopes I’m ok. This year he said he hoped I was ‘coping with parenthood ok’, after I said something last year about having two toddlers keeping me busy and not leaving much time to hang out on FB anymore. This really pissed me off to be honest and I’m tempted to reply with, ‘By the way my birthday is October 5th.’

I think I'd probably just delete him, he doesn't bring anything to your life sounds a bit pointless!

I would not expect someone who I knew from college who lives in another country to 'acknowledge' my birthday.
Why not just take it that he's not a 'birthday geek' like you are. Just reach out to him at random on a different day.

You're a self described birthday geek, he isn't (most people aren't). Given that he knows this he is probably surprised and slightly concerned when you don't contact him on his birthday. If you don't want to stay in touch then don't, but I don't think you can get in a grump if he doesn't contact you on your own birthday, it's not obligatory.

Yes this

To be fair I do get in touch with 3 others only in the week of my birthday.
It's tradition, we've done it for almost 40 years, as we once worked at the same place and were half the workforce - all our birthdays are in the same week, two of us even share the same day. Back in the day when we all lived closer we'd go out and celebrate.

If you can be bothered to reply, why not leave it 6 months and reply in the week of your birthday? Otherwise just ignore.

Maybe his birthday makes him think about the passage of time and people he knows from the past?

Reply to him the week of your birthday!

It does sound to me like the friendship has run its course a bit, particularly if you are really pissed off - maybe just delete him from FB!

Yes fair point about me being a birthday geek.

We used to share a house together so deleting them completely feels a bit drastic. However that was getting on for 20 years ago now and I should probably just accept that we’ve all moved on and that keeping up a connection over that time and distance just isn’t realistic.

I totally wouldn't accept someone to remember my birthday, even my own cousins half the time forget. People have busy lives, this is OTT to expect this from anyone.

I am happy to hear from people whenever I happen to hear from them, they are busy I am busy that is life

I wouldn’t get too hung up on the whole birthday thing. I think sadly the friendship is done though by the sounds of it. There seems to have been a lot of time (and now distance with them living in Canada) so maybe a lot has changed in all of your lives and you’re just not close anymore?

You developed a tradition then just decided to stop. He cared enough to a)notice the lack of contact and b) initiate it himself c) remember your given reason the year before and ask how you were doing. I really don't see the issue here.

I could be your friend. Rubbish with dates, but would notice the absence of a message from that one friend who always remembers my birthday and would automatically check in to see if they were okay. His birthday made him think of you. I'd take it as genuine interest in your wellbeing, just bad at remembering birthdays.