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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hobbies or family

14 replies

YOUSEECOLOURS · 01/04/2024 23:43

Feeling a bit conflicted.

My husband has a football season ticket for he favoured team and will go to every home match (weekday or weekend), fine... But because of children It does mean I need to change my plans to accommodate this. (family meals around it, hair cuts, working from home/in the office etc to make it possible.).

His team played away today (meaning it would be TV watching) and it coincided with my family event for my birthday and Easter.... We have spent the last 3 days with his family for his sisters wedding so I was hoping for a day for me. He sulked most of the day as he couldn't get the match on TV until we got to our house, he originally suggested we left early to watch it. Fed up with him staring at his phone I suggested he goes to my parents local pub to watch the first half but then needed to go home to get our 3 year old to bed and he cheered up.

He said he had a conversation with my sister in law today (she's a bit crazy herself but said he needed to stop with the football) who asked what he would do if his team played at home on a family event (put daughters birthday for example) . He said that we usually compromise to accommodate it but realistically he is only out of the house for 5hours due to it ( it always involves a pint with his dad before).

When discussing this I suggested that I was actually the only one to compromise in this situation as he always gets what he wants. He said that it is unhealthy for a couple to not have individual hobbies and I am free to get any hobby during the week to get out of the house... He didn't accept that if I wanted to get a hobby at the weekend that his football pattern may need to change.

It isn't even about the hobby itself....i don't have a problem with him going to the football ... If he did housework or cooking around it to actually allow me to get a hobby or to let me relax myself . I cook, clean and hoover. We both work and so I just want to rest rather than get a hobby! I think he needs to accept that his life needs to change now he has a family (me, my 11 year old and our 3 year old).... He has had the season pass since he was 11 and is now almost 30.

OP posts:

EIIaM · 02/04/2024 09:04

YABU in that he had a season ticket when you met him, therefore this was what you signed up to. But he should be helping and compromising around those games. If a home game clashed with for example DDs birthday and he was actually going to miss her party or something then yeah he shouldn't do that. He should be helping, and also making sure he gives you some time each week given that he gets his time at the football.

PuttingDownRoots · 02/04/2024 09:11

After you have children, parents do need to reevaluate their priorities, and accept they can't do everything they want. For example, missing one football game as its their child's birthday. In a few years, the child might want to go with them... and the drinking pattern might need to change. Or the child might want to play football, so they need to prioritise the child's games and training over TV.

Sulking because you can't watch one game is childish.

In short... hobbies outside family are good. But they need to be balanced.

skippy67 · 02/04/2024 09:20

My DH has had a season ticket for his club for over 30 years, which is his long we've been together. It's never been a problem in our relationship, even when the kids were little. When my son was about 7, dh got him a season ticket too. Which was great for me because I got every other Saturday to myself. I love football too though, unlike many women on here. I'm sure there have been occasions where there's been a date clash with family events, but we've worked it out somehow. Compromise is key.

KreedKafer · 02/04/2024 10:28

Personally, I think going to the football is fine, but the fact that he does fuck-all around the house when he's not at the football is a problem.

KreedKafer · 02/04/2024 10:33

skippy67 · 02/04/2024 09:20

My DP doesn't hold a season ticket for his team, but he does go to a game somewhere every single Saturday and sometimes on evenings during the week and it's never been a problem for us either! He also watches a lot of games on the telly, but like you, I also love football so I don't mind that at all. And he does accept that if there's an important event on a Saturday he has to miss going to a game (although in practice, it's rarely necessary).

We don't have kids, so that does make it easier, but as a general rule I really like having Saturdays to do my own thing or the odd evening to myself. So it works really well for us.

He does do housework and stuff though!

ConflictedCheetah · 02/04/2024 10:41

KreedKafer · 02/04/2024 10:33

We don't have kids, so that does make it easier, but as a general rule I really like having Saturdays to do my own thing or the odd evening to myself. So it works really well for us.

He does do housework and stuff though!

Show quote history

Not having kids is a key difference though. The OP doesn't have Saturdays or evenings to herself. She's looking after the kids.

You're right OP. He's not compromising at all. Everyone else is just working around his precious plans.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 02/04/2024 10:47

Even if your new hobby is cafe visiting alone eow he needs to be accommodating...

Universalsnail · 02/04/2024 10:54

I don't think it's a problem he has a season ticket and goes to home games but I would expect to still be able to go out myself when away games are on. He can surely look after the children and watch the football at the same time. Also the football is 90 mins so he should have a lot of time to do other stuff around the football.

OrigamiOwls · 02/04/2024 10:58

skippy67 · 02/04/2024 09:20

Compromise is key... But at the moment it seems like OP is the only one doing any compromising!

caringcarer · 02/04/2024 11:03

Couldn't he take the 11 year old with him to the football. My DH doesn't go to the football but goes to the cricket. County matches, the Hundred, the Blast and it's not once a week it's 3 or 4 days but only on the summer. I go too and on weekends we take DC too if he's not playing in a match.

givemushypeasachance · 02/04/2024 11:07

If he's out of the house for 5 hours enjoying his hobby, facilitated by you looking after the children, then to be fair he should look after the children at another time that allows you 5 hours to do whatever you want to do. And realistically, with a 3 year old, that means either taking the kids out for several hours or you going out for several hours as otherwise the 3yo will find and bother you if you're both at home and you're usually the default parent.

MsSquiz · 02/04/2024 11:12

My DH has a season ticket, always has. But he will always prioritise family events over football, I don't even need to ask him.

Because we have that understanding, I don't mind him going to the odd away match or going out after the match, etc, it's all about balance.

There has been a home match rescheduled to tonight, but I've got tickets to go to the theatre so he will be staying home to look after our kids. If he really wanted to go, he could've organised a sitter but has chosen not to

Twilightstarbright · 02/04/2024 11:21

I have a season ticket, as does DH. My parents and brother have season tickets for a different team. To be honest, we try to plan events around the matches so say a meal for my Dads birthday we will look at when the matches are and do dinner/lunch around them. However it means possibly saying no to other stuff that weekend but you can’t do everything.

Not pulling their weight when at home has nothing to do with football and a lot to do with being an idiot though.

FestiveAuntFanny · 02/04/2024 11:22

Watching football is a leisure activity, not a hobby. He's not actually doing anything like a sport or cultural activity, just standing around drinking and shouting.

So it should be low down the list of family priorities on a weekend unless you get similar free time yourself with a similar budget.

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