To not allow another hobby?

[GYNisaliarWTF]

DH owns a very old but cool campervan, and has recently forced sale of my car so that we can have a more modern van in its place. I am fine with this as I like a project providing its family orientated. Van 2 is currently in the garage having works done so it’s road ready for me to use daily.

Since the decision to buy van2 he has been toying with the idea of selling van1 (worth much more). I am also fine with this, BUT…
After being away for the weekend in Van1 he has decided he’s going to sell it and use the funds to buy himself a motorbike.

So as not to drip feed he works away from the home Monday to Friday and is usually gone 4am Monday and back 4pm Friday. I work full time so have (happily) got the responsibility of ensuring all childcare/ housework is taken care of in his absence and running all life admin. This is likely a trap fallen into by an extended maternity leave but equally unavoidable as I decided to WFT.

AIBU for telling him to fuck off, as his first thought was to buy a motorbike instead of thinking of what the funds may be used for in terms of family/ our home?

He bought a motorbike a few years ago after the sale of a car and it sat in the garage because he never did his test. He sold it and we didn’t see any familial gain from that either.
FWIW I don’t own my own car or campervan and actually have very little in the way of my own asset wealth following DC arriving.

*should have mentioned he already has three occasional hobbies that don’t and cannot include young DC and I have zero interest in partaking after working full time all week and doing it all alone.

It’s unreasonable to control his hobbies, but assuming you share finances it’s not unreasonable to say you’re not happy for him to buy a motorbike over things the family need.

Sounds like YANBU. Do you have any hobbies that use up thousands(?) of family money from time to time, or is it always him that spends the big bucks?

Yeah he’s being selfish! Is he planning long motorbike rides at the weekend while you are doing the wife work?

Have I read you original post correctly, he forced the sale of your car - yet he works away and you do all the school runs/after-school activities etc?

A motorbike seems a bit silly if he hasn't passed his test, works away and planning to do up a campervan in his down time. Not to mention the other hobbies.

Quote from OP
FWIW I don’t own my own car or campervan and actually have very little in the way of my own asset wealth following DC arriving.

Are you being serious? A marriage is a proper joint enterprise. After a few years of marriage then reinforced by the arrival of DC, everything IMO is 50/50

Or have I misunderstood you and you have nothing everything is his?

We've always considered everything as 50/50 . When we got married I did not work for 6 months, not claim benefits or anything as my OH wanted me to enjoy my life with my new family. At times I earned more than my OH and other times OH has earned more.
We never spend more than xx mount of money on anything without consulting

A marriage is built of trust and sharing

If you are not happy, tell your OH rather than beating about the bush. Tell him what you want and take it from there

Pass the test, then talk about bike.
And if you pass it first, maybe you get a bike…

So effectively he will have forced you to sell your car to finance him buying a motorbike...?

The control aspects of this sound worrying. But if he does get a motorbike, make sure he's got decent life insurance.

So basically you sold your car so he can buy a motorbike?

I'd be telling him he can use the money to replace your car!

He is immature. Why are you without a car? Get a car.

Selfish shit.

also. Has he actually looked at bike insurance costs? Your car No Claims Bonus doesn’t carry over. I suspect I t’s going to be a lot more than he thinks.

How is your pension pot compared to his?

YANBU. I'd be digging my heels in over this OP.

Firm NO.

A motorbike is not a hobby. It's a deathtrap.

No point having a motorbike unless he's passed his test . They are fun and can be family oriented if you join a nice club which welcomes families, there's always lots of kids and camper vans at rallies

I once worked in an industry where many men were away all week, facilitated by wonderfully capable women who ran the show alone all week. It never failed to surprise me how many had time consuming hobbies at the weekend - cycling, golf, climbing etc. The type of hobby kids can’t be involved in..

It also occurred to me how many divorces happened when the husbands ended up at home for prolonged periods.

Think carefully about what you get from this arrangement and how much consideration of your needs takes place. My guess is zero. YANBU.

We don’t share finances in the respect of what’s left spare, he outearns me x4 so he pays all the bills & I pay for food shopping/ any extra curriculars & DC childcare when.
I did have a car but it wasn’t worth much, I’m happy to drive van2 every day but it won’t be in my name. I guess that doesn’t matter as we’re married but to me just leaves me feeling like I’ve got nothing that’s ‘mine’. I think that’s a bit of an identity issue stemming from being the lone parent majority of the time though.
I don’t think he’ll bother doing his test (which he’ll pass first time no doubt as is that way inclined) unless there are funds earmarked for a decent bike.

In respect to controlling his hobbies, I’d like to say ‘I’m not’ but when they encroach to a full daytime/ two full daytimes of the only 48 hours he gets with his family, I do get quite vocal.

We’ve already discussed it, I stayed as calm as possible and explained my side; he says I make a fair point and has agreed to not buy a bike (for now) but wants to know what I want to spend the money on instead as if it’s already in his pocket and there’s no such thing as a savings account. I now wonder if he was just trying to find a way to earmark the cash to justify selling van1.

also to mention- I don’t want a car. I’m happy driving van2 daily as it’s not unusual for people to do that with this particular type of van.

I have links to motoring communities which is why I think he’d like to get one, which is all fine and dandy but I spent my entire childhood at these events he’d want to go to and I absolutely hated my parents for it so I won’t be putting my DC through that 😂

thank you to you all for validating my feelings- I’m not so much against him having another hobby as I am against him finding a way to make it my fault he couldn’t possibly spend all week getting his arsed wiped in a hotel and coming home to a clean home where he dumps his gear, gets whatever hobby item he wants out of the garage and piss off all weekend is all…

and no, I don’t have a hobby, I can’t leave DC Monday- Friday & I enjoy the family time at the weekends. I have a good social circle who will visit in the week, we make plans probably once every 6 weeks both with our DC & me alone with them. But I don’t see where I’d fit a hobby in to be honest, around his current set up & the demands of the home/ DC

Your hobby is supporting his hobbies.

I am realising this!