Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my MIL is being childish and really needs to grow up!!!!

17 replies

AngelH · 28/03/2008 21:03

Really really need to have a rant. My DD is 8 months old and to cut a long story short my MIL has been difficult on quite a few occasions since she's been born (And before but thats another story)...kicking up a fuss when my mother has the baby, not listening to what i tell her to give the baby for food and just generally doing her own thing. She seems to think she has more right as a grandparent than i do as her mother! Through all of it I have kept my mouth shut and bit my tongue so hard that i don't think there's much of it left. Anyway...me and my dp have been discussing my dd's 1st birthday (i know its ages away but still), our house is not very big and we have no garden, as my dd birthday is in August my mother suggested having a barbeque at her house, as their garden is much larger. DP has just told MIL of our plans and she has turned into a 5 year old child saying she's not coming, as she'll feel like a spare part coz she won't know anyone (lies all lies), so my dp suggested us all going out for a drink beforehand and she point blank said no. She will strop over this and expect everybpdy to just drop everything just to suit her as always. We are always having to tip toe around her because she gets paranoid about the smallest thing but this is really taking it too far. AIBU to think that she should grow up and start acting like the mature aldut she is supposed to be?

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 28/03/2008 21:06

She should grow up.

Is there anyone there she will know e.g. your dp's family?

Carmenere · 28/03/2008 21:06

Just ignore her. It is true that to some extent you have to give a person permission to have power over you. Not much point in being in a strop if no one is around to notice now is there?

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 28/03/2008 21:08

At least yo have DP's suppport in all of this...

Continue with your plans, continue being assertive with your MIL and hopefully she will drop the attitude and come to the party..

pedilia · 28/03/2008 21:09

She does sound very childish ( if not a tad insecure)

I think you are more than entitled to choose where you have your DD's party without having to jusify your reasoning to anybody.
Even if she doesn't know anyone, can't she just mingle or offer to help so she is kept busy!

lilacclaire · 28/03/2008 21:09

Just get on with your plans, she'll come round, sounds like she's taking the doting grandparent thing a bit far.
Just make a bit of a fuss of her, she'll be feeling left out.
But yes, she is behaving like a 5 year old.

ingles2 · 28/03/2008 21:13

Just say
"Oh we're really sorry you're not going to be there"
Totally ignore her, carry on with you plans and I guarantee she'll be there. Silly Woman. make a stand now before it's too late

Heated · 28/03/2008 21:16

Seems like your MIL and dd may well go through the terrible twos together!

Would be tempted as with any tantrum to ignore her, be non committal......it'll be a shame if you can't come, it wouldn't be the same without you (too right it wouldn't)...and leave it at that. If she cuts her nose off to spite her face, then let her, but don't dance to her tune.

beakysmum · 28/03/2008 21:31

Lol! You have my sympathy! MIL didn't come to DS 1st birthday cos "she was working at Sainsburies" (I kid you not). She has continued to be difficult before and since then.

Now we are already panicking about what to do for DD 1st birthday (in August like yours ). We had thought of having a BBQ outdoors, but have been told by MIL in the past that we don't have her to our house often enough and we are not sure we can face the fallout if she decides that the party should be at our house.

What are we to do?!?!!

anynamewilldo · 28/03/2008 21:47

poor you. I am very lucky in the fact that my mil cant be bothered to turn up to any of our dc's birthday parties bil used to turn up but since being with his new girlfriend he doesnt bother much now either, which although it is a shame for my dc's as for some reason they seem to like her could be the chocolate and crap that she buys them!!!

Its your child's first birthday, you have the party that you want.. its your day too.

Alambil · 28/03/2008 21:55

She'll be the one to miss out - the baby won't know who's there!

Ignore her on this issue - just say "oh what a shame" or something... that will annoy her and you will still have a great day

sparklyshoos · 28/03/2008 21:59

Well, if you had the party at your house, who would be there that she knew? - ie, are you inviting different people just because it's at your mum's??? stick with your plans and hope she doesn't come - troublesome MILs are not worth worrying about - make your peace with it now in plenty of time so she can't ruin your DD's 1st birthday party. (No, YANBU!!!)

TenaciousG · 29/03/2008 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kitbit · 29/03/2008 07:48

Call her bluff. Send her an invitation and go ahead with the party. It might just shock her into behaving when she realises that this time you're not going to jump to her tune

chamaeleon · 29/03/2008 07:54

tell her it will be a wonerful opportunity to meet the family if she says she wont know anyone. she is hardly going to be sat on her own. my mil lives miles away, has very little family - came down to dhs party to meet my enormous family and had a wonderful time. she really didnt know anyone other than dh, she had only met me once or twice. could you suggest mil brings a close friend if she is worried (am assuming there is no fil)

chamaeleon · 29/03/2008 07:55

wonderful, obviously.

i am of the 'ignore the tantrum and it will stop' school of thought, that goes for mils, exps, kids - age doesnt matter!

alicet · 29/03/2008 19:12

With everyone on here that YANBU and don't react.

Send her an invitation like you would anyone else you would invite. When she strops again simply say 'it's a shame you can't come, we will miss you' and leave it there.

Or don't send her an invitation and when she strops about it just say 'oh you said you weren't going to come so we didn't bother - of course you are welcome if you wish!'

I just wouldn't engage her on it anymore apart from like this - this is what you would do with a toddler tantrum and that's what she is doing!

AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 21:52

I agree with everyone else-just ignore it-don't get drawn in and send her the invitation near the time. I think the answer is always to be polite but do your own thing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread