Life after messy end to job?

[Islandblue99]

Posting here for traffic.

Can anyone reassure me with their success stories of surviving after a messy end to a job?

Briefly, I have worked for a number of years for a company. I’ve built a good reputation in those years (confirmed in all of my annual review documents by management) and although it’s not always been enjoyable (the company has exercised a few questionable practices over the years and I have a line manager of a few years who has made it clear she feels threatened by me (I have more experience but have tried my hardest to keep out of her way/avert my gaze/appease her as much as I can) which have caused me to job hunt a number of times) I’ve largely enjoyed it and had, over the last year, decided this was where I was going to happily stay for the foreseeable future. Having been assured of it (verbally) previously, I was expecting a promotion this year.

Cut to early this year when I got very stressed over a large piece of work, received no support and ended up in hospital with a stress related injury which I now require surgery for. After a very short period of sick leave I returned and it was made very clear they now want to get rid of me. Lots of accusations were levelled at me (which I can show with evidence are not true) and they’re accusing me of underperformance.

It looks like I’m going to be unemployed imminently, in one way or another, which is an alien situation for me. I have a buffer to lean on for a few months and I have an interview lined up but my confidence is at an all time low and the job market for my profession is exceptionally quiet at the moment.

Having been accused of underperformance (although in my more lucid and logical moments I know this isn’t true) I feel shame and my inkling feelings of imposter syndrome are now at the forefront.

Have people survived this and come back with confidence?

How have you explained a career gap?

Have you successfully hidden this from future employers?

*I’d also add, if people are reaching out to you, don’t rule out the possibility they are fishing for gossip. Keep your powder dry until negotiations have finished.

So sorry you are going through this. Agree about seeking legal advice. I would leave too but with a payout so you have even more of a buffer while you search for your next job. If they do pay you something, they will make you sign something so you can’t out them. However, legal advice/ oversight can help with ensuring they give you a good standard reference etc as part of your agreement to part ways . Ie write down what you want ie how many months pay.
Other things such as whether to put in a grievance are things union and union lawyer can advise on. Sometimes that can kick off a speedier resolution to paying out and getting you out of there so you can start to recover from this.
Hope you are off sick and not trying to work during this stressful time . If not, I would get signed off while this is being sorted., You will be entitled to a certain amount of full pay whilst sick. In my opinion it's impossible to work well under such stressful conditions. Good luck!

I second that op.

I live overseas and so many people I know here have been through a horrible job situation like yours - myself included.

Almost everyone has come out of it and ended up happier and/or in a better role. You may not ever feel quite as secure. But you will recognise the signs more quickly when things are not working for you. And you will have more confidence that you can weather the storm and it won't feel as awful as this does.

Thanks all.

I have a solicitor who just specialises in severance negotiations and the company have confirmed they’re willing to discuss one (silly, I know, but I felt a pang of sadness that they’re so willing to let me go).

I’m signed off sick and I submitted a grievance the other week.

I got a text this week from an unknown number claiming to be my work friend, asking how I’m feeling and hoping I can come back to work soon. It’s not the number she has listed at work so I’ve not responded.

For anyone at work who doesn’t know what’s happening it’s going to look very odd when I leave. We’re a relatively small company and a small team and, like I said, I’m almost guaranteed to bump in to these people in the future.

I’m not quite sure if this is the case but, if you may work with current clients or be in a position to hire current colleagues on the future, does your contract have any clauses designed to prevent this? This could also be mentioned in any severance/compromise agreement and could land you in hot water if you’re not aware of it. However your solicitor should be able to advise.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this. In terms of rebuilding confidence / imposter syndrome I can relate.

My work situation was not like yours, however, I had a very bad time with one company a few years ago, and my insecurities began overwhelming me. I was very fortunate to have the means to engage a work Life Coach and it changed everything for me. Together we worked out what was important to me, and rebuilt my confidence - to the extent that I applied for, and am now in, my dream job.

I hope things work out for you. Sometimes what seems like the worst thing at the time turns out to be the change you needed to make. x

@GreatOak i’ve been thinking that if I do get a severance agreement I should spend some time speaking to a life coach or therapist to help build me back up. If you know one you’d recommend and have time to DM me the details that would be great.

I am so sorry you are going through all this. I hope you will see legal advice.

I will never understand the UK’s negative outlook towards a career gap. I have a friend who is in lower management and he won’t even interview someone who’s taken a career break. He can’t justify his reason; it’s just his mindset.

I used to work abroad and it was the norm for people to take three months off before jobs. People would always save for it, as there were no state benefits.

Could you just say you wanted to spend more quality time with your kids before they got older, or perhaps an older relative who may not have much time left?

@PotatoPudding Thank you. I agree, there are huge negative connotations attached to career gaps here and, people may disagree, but in my experience a career gap for a woman is viewed worse than for a man, in my industry anyway which was a traditionally male dominated industry. I’ve just seen a guy on LinkedIn walk straight in to a senior role after 2 years of being a SAHD (outlined on his profile and his previous experience wasn’t extensive) whereas I’ve been viewed with suspicion for just having taken maternity leave in my previous role. Having heard some of the comments and witnessed some of the attitudes towards women in my industry I can’t imagine it would have been so easy for a woman to have gone straight on to a role after that career gap.

I’m going to suggest to my solicitor we request 3 months gardening leave (plus additional months of pay plus outstanding leave) in the first instance to avoid a gap. I have something on them that could get them into big trouble, as well as their actions since I’ve been ill, so I’m hoping that puts me in a good position.

Unfortunately there are many unscrupulous employers out there.

I personally experienced:

• a company that refused to pay me one months backpay and due holiday leave as I had the nerve to resign (solicitor got involved and I got the money eventually)
• a manager that threatened to sack me if I said anything negative in his 360 appraisal that his manager had asked me to complete (I had been with that company under 2 years so simply found another job and left a honest 360 appraisal).

Sorry to hear about this OP.

I think you were on the money when you said in a post that they’re concerned about you making a personal injury claim against them, and have decided to get in first and smear you as incompetent, to cover their tracks.

Is your solicitor on to this? As the settlement should likely cover the personal injury element, not just a few months severance. As part of the deal, they should also agree wording for a reference for you.

I don’t know how specialist your solicitor is, but if you wanted to run things past a firm experienced in dealing with disability and injury caused by workplace stress, I would highly recommend Didlaw, who are absolutely fantastic and will make sure you don’t miss out on anything you should be getting.

I was manoeuvred out of my job for highly illegal reasons but I hadn't been there long enough to seek legal recourse.

It's really mentally taken its toll on me and I think it'll always live with me, that feeling of being judged as not good enough.

Take control; get another offer in place. Soft give them the power they want over your future.

I had a similar thing.

There was a situation at work that I handled badly, I admit. But in my defense I was at a very low point emotionally and was really struggling. I probably shouldn't have even been there. A more sensible, level-headed me would have gone off with stress long since.
Anyway, I handled a situation badly, but then it was made out worse than it actually had been. Someone even came forward as a witness, claiming I'd said something when I 100% categorically hadn't. In fact, I know for certain that this "witness" wasn't even there. Someone had clearly got in their ear.

It was "investigated", and then I was told that it was going to progress as a formal misconduct, BUT it would miraculously "go away" if I resigned. And then, honestly, it was like I was hit with some sort of revelation from the almighty. I COULD just resign. Quit a job that was actively making me unwell, and GET OUT.

So, OP, I resigned and it was the BEST thing I ever did. This was all about 6 years ago now, and since then I've been the happiest I've ever been. There were 1 or 2 quite lean financial years, but I always made it work. And now I'm about to buy my own first home.

There are better things out there OP. Take this shitty situation as the push you need to find a happier life. It worked for me. Good luck!

Are they firing you or making you redundant? If it’s redundancy, you kind of have a good reason for being out of work.

You say you have something on them. Just be careful going down the blackmail route.

Did you post about this a few weeks ago OP? With your manager who has it in for you and picked up four errors in a massive document but said it was so bad she had to redo it?

(Apologies if not, it sounds very similar)

Anyway sorry this is happening to you. I think firstly yes, if they're trying to get rid of you and you've got evidence that proves they're lying - and if they've acted incorrectly over your injury - then you've got plenty of leverage over them. I'd be using it to negotiate a generous settlement agreement, to include a sizeable financial pay off - your solicitor can advise what might be appropriate I'd hope. I think you can also have a provision within settlement agreements for a positive reference to be given. They won't want to risk an employment tribunal that it sounds likely they would lose, so you've got plenty of negotiating power here.

Finally if the agreement includes gardening leave as part of the pay off, then you can legitimately say you're employed by the company for months after you've effectively left - therefore reducing any potential "career break."

I've not been in this circumstance myself but I've seen this sort of thing happen to lots of people, and it hasn't impacted their future employability. Part of the agreement is often enabling the person involved to say that they left for their own reasons or of their own volition - it's generally best for both sides not to air the dirty laundry of what really happened so the company shouldn't try and block this. It's harder for you because you're in the midst of a very traumatic situation, but externally it will just look like you've decided to move on from a company and nobody will necessarily read anything into it unless you give them a reason to believe something dodgy happened.

I would definitely advise having some counselling though to help you process and come to terms with the situation. And in the mean time, push hard for a generous settlement. I think it's often seen as being a "good leaver" - ie. I'll go quietly, not spread the word around what happened or talk negatively about the company etc - as long as you compensate me appropriately.

An update and also looking for advice.

The company said they were willing to discuss a settlement agreement. My solicitor replied two days later with a suggestion and it’s been radio silence ever since (a week). Now I know I’m suffering with huge anxiety at the moment so i’m
not thinking too clearly, but does this seem reasonable?

I’m just really keen to get this over and done with.

Did your solicitor give a date for response? If not I'd ask them to chase up and give a deadline for reply.

@Islandblue99 this is the biggest thing in your day but not theirs. I know it sounds glib, but do not panic. Let them fold first by replying. It’s a horrible dance/game of chess that no one wants to play really. Take the lead and the advice from your solicitor and all will be well. Stay strong 💪🏻

@Netaporter @SewingBees thank you! I needed some common sense answers- checking my email hundreds of times a day is making my anxiety spiral out of control!