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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

HELP!!!!!

9 replies

ThisIsMyNameOkay · 01/04/2024 06:48

TW:self harm

I'm supposed to start my new dream job in three hours,
I've trained for it, it's what I've always wanted to do. It's as a suicide prevention worker. The last 48 hours I have been crying pretty much non stop, I have self harmed, I have had my own thoughts of suicide. Now I sit here, in the dark, wondering if starting this job would be selfish as clearly I am not mentally sound myself and am I really capable of truly supporting someone who is struggling regardless of if this is my dream or not? Or will I hate myself forever for not just taking the leap and pushing myself.

Please help!!!

OP posts:
ditzzy · 01/04/2024 06:52

If you’re starting today there’s only a few hours to go - so no wonder you’re nervous! Everyone gets nervous starting a new role; particularly as you say it’s what you always wanted to do.

You are so well place to understand what the people you’ll be helping are going through. You’ve done the training (you’ve presumably “passed” the training! Even if there wasn’t a test, someone would have flagged it up if you weren’t looking good enough at it), you can do this.

Good luck! Let us know when you’ve done the first shift.

RhiWrites · 01/04/2024 06:55

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I don’t know enough about you to know if this job is the right one for you. It could be triggering.

But never doubt that you will be able to help others. Having stated into the face of that darkness means you know it, you know the struggle. You will never dismiss or discount it. You can help others on a hard and lonely road because you know the map.

i lost a friend to suicide Christmas 2022. It haunts me and always will. I wish there had been more help available. Someone like you can do a lot of good in the world.

But you will face difficulties. I hope you know you can’t save people. I couldn’t have saved my friend. You will need people to lean on in difficult times and coping mechanisms. I hope you have a therapist or counsellor you can reach out to. This was a good start to reach out here. Please continue to think about whether this is a path you are strong enough for. Put on your own life jacket first. I don’t want you to try to save others and drown yourself in their darkness.

Look after yourself. I’m sending you love and light.

Ridiculous24 · 01/04/2024 06:59

I'm no expert in what you're going through, but the states I have got myself into before starting new jobs is ridiculous. Last time I thought I had vertigo as the room kept tipping upside down. It was just pure fear and panic. It wasn't real. Give yourself a break! You are the best person for the job, and you only feel like this as you care so much. Fake it til you make it! You got this. Good luck and report back later.

Birchvalley · 01/04/2024 07:01

You’ve done all the training and it’s something you’ve always wanted to do.
Believe in yourself OP and go for it.

Primrosepalmtree · 01/04/2024 07:35

Good advice to call the Samaritans.

i don’t know if this will help but having negative and self critical thoughts is very human. As cave dwellers we were better off in tribes and of course we had more chance of survival if we were on the lookout for what can go wrong. This is your brain looking out for what could go wrong. How that looks is different for everyone but the themes are often about not being good enough, not fitting in, messing things up. Thoughts of harm to self are actually more common than we think.

Take some deep breaths and ground yourself. If you don’t know any grounding techniques yet then a quick one is to count the different colours you can see in the room, including shades of the same colour. Keep breathing, have a shower, get dressed, have some breakfast and head out to your job. If you feel panicky breathe well. This links to a breathing video to help slow your breath.

https://nopanic.org.uk/important-breathe-properly-help-anxiety/

This job matters to you, so try to notice the thoughts and feelings that are coming up, but keep doing what matters.

What would you say to a close friend in this same situation? Try and be compassionate towards yourself. You are human. You are doing your best. You are not, nor will you ever be, perfect. You are unique and flawed, just like everyone else. You might have a bit more work to do, to maintain balance and achieve a level of wellbeing, but it’s absolutely possible.

In terms of self harm, make sure any wounds are cleaned so you don’t get an infection. This is a good time (of life) to try and find some alternative coping strategies. You’ll probably learn some in your new job but get a head start and look up ‘distress tolerance’ skills and ‘emotional regulation’ skills from DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy).

Congratulations on getting the job and good luck. 💐

Dontblameitonsunshine · 01/04/2024 08:43

I hope you try out the job. And then, when you’re feeling more settled, I hope you get the chance to figure out what happened that you spiralled so badly xx

IIdentifyAsInnocent · 01/04/2024 09:12

This works for me: you just have to get through the next 10 mins (or whatever time you thi k you can cope with). You concentrate on getting through that and then reflect, you got through 10 mins, you can surely get through another 10, and so on and so on, gradually increasing the amount of time (very slowly). In those 10 mins try to distract yourself. Empty the dishwasher clean out your cutlery drawer etc.

You've got this. Go you!!

Primrosepalmtree · 01/04/2024 19:17

How are you doing OP. Hope you are ok. 💐

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