Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fiancés ex girlfriend won’t stop calling

46 replies

Quickrunner91 · 01/04/2024 00:10

Before my fiancé met me , he had a female friend, who he says he wasn’t in a relationship with and never had feelings for. However, they lived togethor, were intimate, travelled together.

My fiance told me that this woman wasn’t very nice in the relationship. She was very controlling and jealous. He moved out of her place after a few months when she was abroad. When she came back, she came round to his new place and refused to leave. He called the police and they warned her to never come round to his place again.

He tells me that every few weeks she calls him, although the frequency is decreasing. She has told him that she just wants to be friends. He told me he’s told her he doesn’t want to be friends with her and was being harsh with her when she calls.

The last time she called him was around a month ago. He had changed his number a fortnight or so before this and apparently she found the new number as they were on a mutual group chat. He told me she was saying the same thing about wanting to be friends, that it’s nice if they can give eachother help/ advice etc.

He told me that he won’t block her as if he does she will try to contact him on an unknown number. He told me to trust him and let her just call every few weeks and she’ll call less and less.

This situation does me make a little uncomfortable and I can’t deny I have envisaged her turning up at the door one day, trying to stalk me etc.

I suppose I just wanted to get this off my chest. Should I just leave this to my fiancé or tell her I’d rather he block her even if she’ll call him on unknown numbers?

OP posts:
Rainbowshit · 01/04/2024 09:07

He's a liar. How long have you been together and how long have you been engaged for?

Zola1 · 01/04/2024 09:11

He's lying and there's a reason. IME this is probably because he's either still sleeping with her, leading her on, or keeping her on the hook in case things don't work with you. He sounds dishonest and horrible too, saying they were never together and making her out to be a crank.

EverybodyLTB · 01/04/2024 09:13

In these bonkers threads, it’s definitely worth doing AS. Months, this has been. Already endless problems with other women, and a load of bullshitting about religion. The man is a liar, and you’re being exceptionally naive to think he’s only lying to everyone else OP.

inabubble3 · 01/04/2024 09:21

He could just not answer her calls? I dunno 🤷‍♀️ but couldn’t agree more with the others. When men talk about their crazy exes it’s a ginormous red flag isn’t it. O she lost her 💩. What happened before that? O it wasn’t a relationship but you lived together m, travelled together and shagged and she still calls him. O my.

SKG231 · 01/04/2024 09:24

Your fiancé has lied to you and down played the whole situation.

If he had any respect for leaving this relationship in the past, why is he still in a group chat with her?

next time she calls I would be expecting him to answer the phone In front of you so I could hear him clearly telling her to leave him alone and that he is in a happy relationship and he wants nothing to do with her.

BronzeAge · 01/04/2024 09:37

Well, when I have no feelings for someone and am definitely not in a relationship with them, I always move in with them, travel with them and have sex with them. 🙄

Alwaysalwayscold · 01/04/2024 09:40

I'd contact her to tell her he's engaged to be married and she needs to fuck off. If she tells you a very different version of events then you know you need to try and dig out the truth.

Downbythewaterfall · 01/04/2024 10:53

Oh dear. This happened to me. The reason she was "stalking" him is that he was actually still sleeping with her when it suited him and being nice to her when he wanted sex (while we were together btw). He made her out to be crazy to me so I wouldn't believe the truth when it came out.

If he was seriously concerned about being stalked he'd block her and go to the police if it carried on.

Hé was a very convincing liar.

Tombero · 01/04/2024 11:29

Full disclosure, I’ve just had a quick look at your other threads. You’re being completely led up the garden path here. For your own sake just end it with him now and get some self esteem back.
He’s lying to you. Have you given him any money or paid for things for him yet?
How quickly did you get engaged? Does he need you for a visa? I’m sure you won’t answer, but do have a good think about things.

wintersgold · 01/04/2024 11:29

Sounds like he lied to both of you and betrayed his old girlfriend

Begsthequestion · 01/04/2024 12:47

...he wasn’t in a relationship with and never had feelings for.

My fiance told me that this woman wasn’t very nice in the relationship.

so which is it?

burnoutbabe · 01/04/2024 12:50

Grumpetsky · 01/04/2024 05:00

He lived with her, had sex with her and travelled with her, but they weren’t in a relationship? Does she know that?

Could be a flatmate?

I assume he means not a formal relationship? A fwb. Sure you are in sone sort of relationship but they are not your girlfriend.

Notimeforaname · 01/04/2024 12:51

He's lying. About everything.

Saymyname28 · 01/04/2024 12:57

I don't believe a word he's saying.

he had a female friend, who he says he wasn’t in a relationship with and never had feelings for. However, they lived togethor, were intimate, travelled together.

My fiance told me that this woman wasn’t very nice in the relationship. She was very controlling and jealous. He moved out of her place after a few months when she was abroad.

Her live in boyfriend moved out while she was away and then denied ever having a relationship with her, I wouldn't be surprised at her acting a little crazy. Just imagine getting back from work and he's moved out and denies you were ever engaged.

Rosindub · 01/04/2024 13:43

He moved out of HER house. Is he by any chance now lodging in YOUR house rather than a jointly owned or rented house?

AmyDudley · 01/04/2024 13:48

He told me that he won’t block her as if he does she will try to contact him on an unknown number.

and your bullshitter alarm didn't immediately go off ?

StaunchMomma · 01/04/2024 14:38

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.

Even if he is committed to you and doesn't want to ever be with her again. he's getting something out of keeping lines of communication open, even if it's just his ego being stroked by her obsession with him.

SKG231 · 01/04/2024 19:01

My god, a quick search of your name and the amount of threads you made with regards to this man and other women is beyond a joke. Get some self respect and Intelligence and move the fuck on.

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 01/04/2024 19:23

Oh OP, he's lying to you. The amount of threads you've started about women and him are insane in 3 months. Please run now.

cheddercherry · 01/04/2024 19:35

I’d wager he’s either still sleeping with her, or he’s keeping her as his backup and doesn’t want to totally cut ties. Neither of which are fair to you.

Considering they STILL have shared mutual friends and I assume they don’t think she’s some crazy madwoman since she’s still in their group chats, it sounds more like he’s painting a picture of her to keep you off the scent. If she is so awful why are all his friends still in contact with her…. Because she’s not awful, she probably just had the misfortune of sleeping with your fiancé who strings women along and calls them psycho why he ghosts them.

Also travelling, living and sleeping together is a relationship I don’t care whether he called her his gf or not, they were together in every reasonable sense of the word.

RockyRogue1001 · 01/04/2024 19:35

EverybodyLTB · 01/04/2024 09:13

In these bonkers threads, it’s definitely worth doing AS. Months, this has been. Already endless problems with other women, and a load of bullshitting about religion. The man is a liar, and you’re being exceptionally naive to think he’s only lying to everyone else OP.

Apologies, as I know it's a not-cool thing to do, but as at least 3 posters have referenced it, I also did an AS.

There's absolutely no point in posters wasting their time to give advice here.

I'm so sorry, OP.
But you don't want advice. You just wish your reality was different. And only you can change that.

By Quickrunner91
04/03/2024 21:43
I really love my fiancé so much but this has been an issue for me. He was dating many women beforeAIBU?

My fiancé has asked me to lie about childrens religion to his parents
Thread
By Quickrunner91
11/02/2024 00:05
Fiance has asked me to lie about the religion of our future children to his family. My fiancésAIBU?

My partners female friend speaks to him about her relationship issues with her boyfriend
Thread
By Quickrunner91
22/01/2024 16:24
My partner and I have been together for several months and we're serious about each other. We've

Weddings
My fiance doesn’t want to get married in a church because of what others think
Thread
By Quickrunner91
26/01/2024 09:54
My fiance is from a Muslim background, however he isn't Muslim himself. He doesn't mind marrying in

Relationships
My fiancé hasn’t introduced me to his female friend and I’m hesitant to marry until I do

Thread
By Quickrunner91
23/01/2024 16:52
My fiancé has a female friend at his workplace who he says he’s known for a long time. She often

(I've tried to make it more readable by adding some spaces in, but may have put them in the wrong place)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page