Got the creeps and went back on Facebook Marketplace sale

[Fluffyelephant]

Just had a buyer on Facebook Marketplace get aggressive (by message) and now feeling equal parts scared and guilty..

I'd sold quite a lot on Facebook Marketplace without issue until the last couple of weeks. Mainly to local women who all seemed perfectly pleasant. But the issue started when I put a full-length mirror up for sale, and one of the photos of the mirror included my reflection taking the photo at a distance, face covered, wearing hoody and leggings. This then triggered a huge number of creepy men from across the country messaging. Offering money to speak virtually, things like that.

I quickly deleted the listing but it's put me on super high alert. Anyways yesterday someone asked to buy another item and I initially agreed and was going backwards and forwards about when they could collect. I hadn't given them my address yet. I then looked at their profile and it had no pictures of them, hardly any friends, and it seemed like it probably wasn't their proper name. I was getting increasingly anxious about giving them my address to collect in case it was one of the men who'd seen the mirror picture or someone else creepy. So I messaged again today and apologised and said someone else had bought it (I lied but thought it was the most straightforward thing to say and thought they'd just accept it). I felt guilty going back on the agreement but I figured it was better that than to regret putting myself in an unsafe position and ignoring the anxious feeling in my gut. He's then responded with a tirade of abuse and expletives even though I apologised twice for the inconvenience.

Should I feel guilty? I was surprised he was so angry and aggressive. To me, Facebook Marketplace is quite a casual thing where I completely expect a lot of sellers / buyers to ghost / get cold feet (although I've never done this previously). I still feel quite shook up now and a bit freaked out about whether he can track me down in any way. My days of using Facebook marketplace are definitely over.

AIBU or would you do the same? I hate that as a woman I have to think about these things.

Just block him and forget.

I think the reaction you got proves you were correct to listen to your gut!

im not saying he had any connection to previous men but it and this latest thing proves you just never know who you’re in contact with and to always be carful.

Marketplace is completely unregulated. There are so many scams on there, just look at the cars that are apparently a bargain. It’s really seedy.

Facebook market place is a nightmare... you have spammers, trolls, you have those who want you to post, deliver, and keep for about 9 years. you get the sob story about how they are single/16 kids/not working and can't afford the £3 you are selling the item for... i hate it!

i wouldn't give the interaction another thought.. the internet is full of key board warriors, people who wouldn't say boo to a goose in person.. but give them the anonymity of social media and they turn into monsters

The tirade of abuse pretty much proves that you were right to be concerned. You shouldn’t feel guilty, you don’t owe him anything at all - if you weren’t comfortable you did completely the right thing.

I agree with @Ginkypig the reaction you got indicates your gut was right and he wasn't a nice person.
Block and continue to use caution if selling online.

I think you've done the right thing, in the past when I've been in a similar situation and either creeped out or think it might be a scam, I say I got the item out ready for them to collect and it was broken or badly damaged so I'd binned it. If they are genuine they might be disappointed but less likely to be annoyed that you'd sold it to someone else

Not unreasonable at all to feel uncomfortable about strangers coming to your home. Sorry you were on the receiving end of an abusive idiot

I also rarely get anyone to collect things from my home for similar concerns. Depending on what you have to sell, a car boot on a sunny day can be quite lucrative if the items are too cumbersome to sell online

In the future, would people have to come to your home to pick up what they’ve bought? Or could you meet somewhere in public? It seems really unfortunate for you to completely give up a source of income, however small, because of creepy men.

The fact he replied with such language shows you were right to cancel.

Oddly I had a creepy experience giving away a mirror on Facebook. It was a 30 year old bathroom cabinate plastic one but I had this guy wanted to do a 2.5 hour round trip to collect it then started asking some really odd questions about it. I told him I'd broken it so it was no longer available!

I believe the very first priority is to keep yourself safe, I would be really upset that you had sold it to someone else as the item may have been something I really really wanted / needed and hadn't found it elsewhere.

However as a lone female going to someone's home there can be risks to the buyer too, I have very very little info on my Facebook profile and only 4 friends - however one friend is my daughter and if you were to look at her profile you would realise I am real :)

One buyer I bought from sold the item to me as I had sent a personalised initial message rather than the suggested message from Facebook, turns out she too was a single female and she was wary of whom she had turning up to her home.

Another time my daughter and I were met in ASDA's car park ! at the Click and Collect spaces so we could collect an item, that was the sellers choice and it worked fine for us.

So yes, safety first.
and you can block any potential buyers on Facebook from ever contacting you in the future if they become abusive or anything that makes you uneasy.

This.

As a side note, I have a FB account in a fake name and no photos of me or friends - specifically for selling things via marketplace. I never give out my specific address (just the area) until 15 mins or so before they would be setting off to collect. If people are rude/demanding I just block straight away.