To be upset about daughters birthday

[AnastasiaBeaverhousen13]

My daughter was 3 last week, so many friends, all of who have kids that I’ve bought birthday presents for, for the last 12 years either forgot or messaged at the end of the day when they’d seen it on social media. I had a lot of ‘I’ll drop her present off this week’ but then nothing and I just can’t help but feel upset by it. I’ve never forgotten any of their children’s birthdays, always call, make sure their card and present are there for them to open. My husband thinks I’m being daft and my daughter is 3 so clearly doesn’t care but I just feel so let down, think more because it’s so many of them. I understand everyone’s busy and I know things slip your mind but if I’d have forgotten I’d have made sure I did something about it.

I only buy presents if I’m or my child is invited to a party.

Is it normal for your friendship group to buy gifts for each other children or is it just something you do?

I think you all need to cut out the present buying. From experience, the first people in a friendship group to have a child tend to receive presents for it, because of the novelty factor. Once everyone has had babies, the enthusiasm and novelty has truly worn off and few people really want to spend money on a dozen or more presents for friends’ children. It’s not “fair”, if you were the last person who has always given to the first, but it’s just how it goes.

Yes it’s something we’ve always done, they’re my best friends kids, godchildren etc so not just friends of my children

I think you are very unusual to buy so many children gifts for their birthdays as it’s far more normal for relatives, godparents and possibly very close friends to be the only ones to buy them or when invited to a party.

It’s likely that they don’t even remember when your child’s birthday is and quite probable that you buying their child a gift hasn’t pleased them because of the reciprocal inconvenience caused.

I'm afraid YABU, it's nice of you to buy friends' kids presents but it's not usual to do so unless the child is having a party so I wouldn't expect other people to know your kid's birthday and buy for them without there being an occasion where they/their child was invited. Most people don't know when their mates' kids' birthdays are.

This is why I never buy birthday presents for my friend's children, and I tell them so. I'm never going to set up that expectation, and have to spend my life worrying about causing offense by missing someone's birthday, so I just let them know from the outset that it won't be happening

I actually told people not to buy for my DC ….it gets out of hand….I couldn’t be arsed remembering birthdays of friends kids….even best friends….just buy for family…..if you get invited to a party then that’s different….otherwise don’t do it

I hear you. I am not bothered about presents, but none of my friends remembered my baby's first birthday and only 1 friend remembered my 3 years oldest birthday. I know it's silly but I felt a bit sad about it - I always acknowledge their children's birthdays and those children are much older now.

This is the thig re social media, too many so-called friends.
I'm sure you feel like that OP but please do not forget everyone is different

I, can just about recall my immediate families BD's but none of my many nephews/nices even siblings for that matter.

You have different expectations and IMO should only give presents and not really expect one back.

I hope you learn from this,

I'm not having a go at you, just saying what needs to be said

As part of the feeling justfied/better, you have done the right thing and asked for opinions from people you don't know

TBH, stick to family and people you know really well, not just the quick hi, bye types as people have lots on in life and not everyone has money to spare these days

Trust me, it was nothing personal.

I don't have a clue when my friends' children's birthday are. I can barely remember my niece and nephew's birthday.