My FIL clearly doesn't like to sit next to me during meal times at their house, as for years now, when we sit down for every single meal, without fail there is a fanfare on seating arrangements. Today he said 'I thought you could go there' and pointed next to the high chair which is where I want to go, next to DS. However because FIL was bringing food out, the only empty seat left for him was next to me. He asked his daughter to get up and swap places. I've always noticed the seating malarky and had my suspicion but today confirmed it. I felt really low after that.
A month ago I was promoted at work and we told them over the phone, they were mortified and didn't hide it. MIL said 'well what happens now??' They are so concerned about the time I spend working vs being a mum, it's so old fashioned. I have a good work life balance, I wfh 4 days a week and no one polices if I go in, I can finish at 5pm for nursery pick up and start late if needed. It's a lot of pressure and a lot of work but I manage my own time.
We also found out we were expecting DC2 around the same time as the promotion, which was quite stressful for me, as I didn't realise the two would coincide and whilst I felt stressed about telling work, I wondered if PIL were annoyed because they think my career takes precedence over our little family. So the next time we saw them, a few weeks ago, we told them about DC2 but still nothing said about the job then or today. I just came back from a work trip and they were visibly annoyed asking about it and asked how much travel is expected now. Tbh not a lot, DH goes away, ever year at least 1 stag do, 1 ski trip and 1 work trip. I won't go away much more than that with my role but why should it matter, I being in a six figure salary and I've come from a highly dysfunctional and unloving family, so I feel proud and accomplished in my job.
About my pregnancy MIL said 'did you get nausea and things like that, I never did' and when I said I had with both she dismissed it. Just thinks our generation are dramatic and work too much and don't spend enough time with our children. Doesn't understand times have changed and hardly anyone gives up work and they definitely wouldn't if they had the role I did. With so much potential to grow and earn and feel accomplished. I wouldn't feel like that at home.
Before DS was born they very kindly offered to pay nursery fees as they said they did for his siblings but once he came along nothing. We are now going to eventually have 2 of them at nursery, so FIL asked DH about fees and asked if we would manage but didn't offer. I don't care and the truth is we are both high earners and will mange but it's the fact they offered then said nothing more and said they paid for BIL nursery fees and SIL DC school fees. It's so odd but definitely because they don't like me working. They also know my company do well with stock price as FIL follows it and used to be interested in my earnings from stock but recently has never asked. It's now taboo to talk about my work at all. I joked to DH do they just think I'm thick and sleeping my way to the top or something? What IS the issue here?? I might not be book smart like them but I'm street smart and have resilience and drive more than most.
Also they're so religious and strict. No PJs, so everyone is in clothes first thing until last thing, no TV (even at Christmas), or sitting on sofa, only around the kitchen table and hardly any alcohol, a trip to church if we stay over Christmas Eve or Saturday Eve before Easter Sunday. I love PJs and sofa at home!!
Today we drove here and had to name bible stories before getting a piece of Easter dessert, last time it was naming 12 apostles,,, I'm not religious and everyone smirked when I said 'Adam' MIL corrected me saying that's the Old Testament. Everyone else got one right.
They cook and we are very well fed when we visit, it's a nice change of scenery from home and nice for DS to see some kind of grandparents and cousins as there's nothing my side. They play with DS a little but it's hardly time off for me, DH kicks back and totally relaxes, so I pick up more here than at home where he is usually hands on.
I've told DH how I feel and tbh we don't spend loads of time visiting but I dread it now, wish we drove home today rather than stay, as it's getting worse. I don't have a family to go back to over Easter or Christmas, no parental support as one has been on their death bed for 4 years and the other a raging alcoholic with mental problems, who was never a parent to us, we don't even have a family home. I would have relished a family of in laws and so am feeling deflated.