I am disabled with a specific illness and symptoms that I'm not going to detail. But day to day, the main struggle is the general symptoms of chronic fatigue, memory and cognitive issues. I get physically exhausted, mentally confused and overwhelmed.
My OH has on-off depression which pre-dates my illness. I am sympathetic and know this can also cause these general symptoms that I have.
But AIBU to wonder if he is mimicking my symptoms? Is it likely his symptoms are genuinely feeding off mine?
I often feel like I am in a "who is most ill" competition and I don't want to be. I am a glass half full person and he is a glass half empty person, which I think is why. He wants to wallow in being ill, I do not.
Since becoming ill, I have had to learn my limits and to pace myself. He has had to step up and do more chores, which he huffs and puffs and moans his way through as if its always a supreme physical effort.
When we are doing a chore or task together, I will start to struggle, I physically slow and get muddled. I recognise this and say I need a rest. But frequently OH will then say he is too tired or can't cope with this either. Often before I realise whats happening, he is leaving me with a chore to finish off. Sometimes it feels like he has predicted I am going to say I need a rest and got in first. I'm talking about light chores/tasks where a physically healthy person should not have an issue. For example; emptying the dishwasher, sorting the recycling, packing away the Tesco delivery, cooking multiple ready meals, following a simple recipe or instructions.
I have challenged him about this but he deflects and says I should have just left it for later. The house full of examples of chores he was going to finish later.
Its not just chores. He can't push through or make the effort to do anything regardless of feeling rubbish. We don't go out of the house much. He doesn't spend time with the kids. He has few hobbies or interests. He forgets stuff and makes me organise things. He always says he is too tired or feeling too ill.
I just never feel like I am the ill-est person in my house. Its not that I want to be, but it feels odd to regularly hear my own symptoms reflected back at me as if they are equivalent, when I am the only one with a diagnosis. I know depression can give you these general symptoms and make life difficult to cope with. But before I was ill his depression was very different. Before, he was tired and excessively sleepy but also switched to periods of action, when he couldn't sit still, with a lot of pent up frustration and rage and shouting. I can't help but wonder how come his depression has changed to be similar to my general symptoms, particuarly the brain fog, when they weren't there before. I've been pleased recently to notice when a fun opportunity arises for just him, he has been able to organise himself and have the energy to do it. But after a few instances, I've come to realise the contrast to how he is always too tired and can't cope with organsing or fully getting involved with family things.