First Time Not Taking Eldest on Holiday

[Bossladywood]

Ok, I’m half expecting to be flamed for this.
Anyway, we have booked a holiday in October this year, for 15 nights.
My children are 8, 12 and 18. My eldest has always come with us on holiday until now.
This year, we are only taking the two youngest. My eldest, will be 19 by then and he has booked holidays with his friends in June, Aug and Sept. I would have taken him but he won’t have many holidays left from work this year. I’ve spoken to him and he says he doesn’t mind and happy for us to go ahead.
Im feeling pretty shit about leaving him for this length of time.
When I say, I’m anxious about it, I don’t mean I’m nervous, I’m on 2 types of medication to deal with my anxiety and currently it’s spiralling.
I can’t figure out if I have anything to worry about or if I’m being ridiculous and all will be good.
Wrapped up in all of this is the sickness I feel about him going on holiday with his friends 🙈

YABU - he will be fine, get over it.
YANBU - you think I’m being a rotten mum going without him.

Thanks for reading

At 28 I am surprised he had come with you for the past couple of years.🤔
Don't worry about it, he has his own holiday booked and it is time he was more free.
All of you have fun on your respective holidays.👍

As a family, we stopped going away with our parents when we reached 16 and were sensible enough to be left at home.

He will be fine.

It's the perfect time to leave him, when he has so much else lined up. Good call.

It doesn't mean he will never go away with you again. It just means he has already got 3 better offers lined up for this year! Which is great going at 18.

YABU, he's a grown adult who naturally has used most of his holiday allowance to go away with friends. He isn't bothered so why are you? I mean this kindly but you need to start loosening the strings and letting go. Have a wonderful holiday

YABU. He is fine. You are probably just feeling anxious about the holiday to mask a deeper fear of him being an adult now and all that entails, or a sense of grief that his years of being with you are over. All totally understandable. Letting go isn't easy, but its absolutely the right thing for everyone. I'm sure he would much rather be with friends anyhow. I would have hated a family holiday at 19!

He’s prioritised his time according to his wishes - he’s made his choice!
I would have rather died than go on holiday with my mum from about 12 onwards, I think I went once again when I was 15 because my little sister was toddling and loads of fun but other than that no way, I went and stayed with grandparents and from about 16 just stayed home alone. My older brother would come and check in to make sure I was alright every few days.
My older dc are still wanting to come away with us at 19 and 18, their choice. We also have a young teen and they all get on so well - I do wonder if they’d still want to come if it were just dh and I! I love having them come away with us but if they decided not to then it’s fine, it’s a natural progression.

He is 18.

Of course an adult child doesn’t need to go on holiday with you. I love my parents to bits but I wasn’t still holidaying with them when I was 18 and neither were my siblings. I was 16 the last time I went away with my parents and think my siblings were about that age too. My sister’s 10 years older than me and I can only really remember one holiday where she was there, and she only came because she was able to bring her best friend with her.

I think it is sad, but it sounds like he's okay with it based on his holiday arrangements.

I don't understand this MN idea of not taking young adult children on the family holiday.

He could be a married man by now!

Thanks all.

I know it’s good for him and I’m glad he has the opportunity to go with friends.

He said he’ll come next year lol I’ll see how he feels by then. I’ll definitely always take them as long as they want to come.

We go to Florida annually and the last time he came while he did enjoy it sometimes he would go back to the hotel in his own and chill or down to the pool on his own etc so I guess he’s looking for his own space more and more (well at least away from his parents lol)

Thanks all for your replies, I so think Im finding it hard as
he pulls away , so to speak, I do understand that’s my problem though and I really try not to let him know how I feel about these kind of things, so as not to offload onto him. Thanks again

I know 😬Logically I understand but struggling a bit with getting used to it all.

Did you invite him?

it’s ok if you invited him and he said no.

if you didn’t even ask him and made the assumption regarding his holidays etc, then no that’s not on.

i didn’t go on holiday with my parents at that age. I had a ball at home pet sitting and inviting friends round. However I was clearly invited and it was entirely my deciding not to go.

whereas DH’s family all make plans then inform us they didn’t include us because they “knew” we wouldn’t have childcare/petsitters/time off work. That’s just rude and pretty insulting.

It's fine, I'm not talking either of my two this year. 20 and 18 and both booked holidays with friends. I'll contribute a little bit of cash instead

I would feel the same sort of conflict! Its so hard to do whats "best" but I think the important thing to focus on is that he has chosen not to go - you haven't excluded him!

Well spotted but that was a typo as I did say, the past COUPLE of years (i.e. from 16).👍

Yes of course I did!

He would always be welcome.