To be upset at brother’s behaviour

[Poiv]

My brother didn’t send a birthday card or phone when it was my DS birthday, which wasn’t a surprise, but I was slightly annoyed as we always make a fuss over DN’s birthday.

He phoned a week later to apologise, said he forgot because of work and would visit us on the weekend with the presents etc.

He sent a text a few days later saying he couldn’t make it on the weekend but would post the gifts instead.

Three weeks later, and he hasn’t sent anything.

I haven’t said anything to him because he’ll take offence and it’s not worth the aggrro.

Its his daughters birthday soon and I wanted to buy some gifts for her but my husband kicked up a fuss, and didn’t want me to buying anything for DN because of DB’s indifference to our children. It’s not the first time he or DSIL have forgotten, but if we don’t buy sufficiently suitable gifts for DN he’ll moan.

On top of this, our father has gone to India for a month and mum has moved with us temporarily. She has asked him several times if he can visit during the Easter hols or if she can visit and he’s just telling her he is too busy.
I find it cruel for him not to take half a day to pop in and visit her. Am I being unreasonable

Don’t punish DN because her dads not as bothered about gift giving as you are.

My DB is exactly the same, he tells me not to bother buying for his DC because he never remembers to buy for mine. I’d never do that to them, especially when they live 3 doors down from my other DN who I buy for. I want them to know I love and care for them, I can’t imagine how hurt they’d be if I stopped because their dads a waste of space. My DC are used to him not getting things so never expect.

You also don’t know what he’s got going on in his life, or maybe your relationship with your parents is hugely different to his. You can’t make a sibling want to spend time with your parents. My own DB -surprise surprise-never bothers with ours either. Some siblings just aren’t interested unfortunately.

Why do people string people along and say they will do things when they won't.
Actions speak louder than words.
I definitely wouldn't bother anymore with presents and cards if he is going too.
I'd tell your brother if he ever makes contact that you won't believe anything he says until you see it.

Cruel is pushing it.

Some people do have busy lives and I have forgotten presents in the past.

If you like DN then buy for her.

So what if he moans, tell him straight what the problem is, and tell.him if he can't be bothered to do something don't say you will.
Sounds as if he wants family but only on his terms.