Not sure if these are red flags or I'm just too picky?

[Babywhenyouregone]

I'm speaking to a 31 year old man online ATM who's saving to buy his own home by living at home which is entirely understandable, however he's lived there for nearly 8 years. He's also been single for the vast majority of that time too.
I know housesharing can be dire, I suppose I don't understand not even having the curiosity to do it for just a year or even 6 months, just to gain some independence?
Doesn't seem to have any hobbies, just the usual passtimes of football, watching films/series, PS5, etc. doesn't do any exercise even though he looks very slim.
Maybe using the term red flag is a little harsh? Just 'not for me '.

It doesn't really matter what term you use for it, you're not interested. Move on

Sounds like he’s got no motivation, boring lazy bastard. Ditch him and find someone with a bit of energy

Depends. Is his parents house a mansion with his own wing and comes and goes as he pleases or is he still expecting meals, washing, life admin etc to be done by parents. It’s not so much the living at home it’s his adulting in that environment that would be my red flags.

I know he pays rent and does some cooking, but I honestly have no idea about the rest.

i don’t think it’s a red flag but I have a 36 year old brother who lives at home. He is the loveliest, sweetest person. My parents were older when they had my brothers so are now on their 80’s, although very fit and healthy , and I think he stays at home because he worries about them.

8 years ago this man would have only been 23 and most that age are still living at home. I wouldn’t read much into it. Hes saving for a house so not a waste of space.

It’s definitely a sign to wonder how independent and self motivated he is. But if other signs are good, maybe wouldn’t rule him out? I’d not find that attractive either though.

He wouldn't be for me.

Every guy I've met who's still living with his parents because he is "saving for a home" isn't saving for a home at all.

They spend their money on shit and are just looking for a woman to move in with to take on the role their Mum had.

Not always this simple!

It usually is though

For balance Op

I ended things with an ex who was 32 living at home and saving and wouldn't do anything.

Roll on 4 years and he's in a house, far off better financially than I.

The right person should love you regardless of your circumstances. MN just doesn't take that view when it comes to men.

You think people without motivation are just always lazy?

How much has he saved in those eight years? When does he plan to buy? If yes guy an actual plan I might be reassured, but if not then no.

Also he does sound like he's quite boring and doesn't have any curiosity about the world which would really put me off.

I mean he does travel a little. I probably sound like I'm being really judgemental/snobby and I know that's not good.

Yes, normally. He’s been in the same situation for 8 years, sitting in a bedroom playing computer games. Sounds like a lazy loser

I don’t think it’s a red flag but if you don’t find that attractive then that’s fair.

When you say 8 years do you mean since university? Otherwise surely he moved back in with parents at 23 and has experienced living independently?

Also does he see friends or just stay at home playing games and watching football? The lack of hobbies and exercise wouldn’t overly fuss me but lack of social life and friends would

Yeah he does have a couple of friends he says. And yes he went to the local uni, think he lived there the first 2 years then at home for the final year.

i don’t think that living at home all that time is that unusual nowadays.

However, has he got any set plans? Is he aiming to save £x amount by the time he’s 32? Has he started looking around with an intention to buy something?

However , you don’t sound impressed with this situation so I don’t think he’s the one for you.

This will end badly, don’t even go there, OP.

He’s obviously not your cup of tea, so why pursue anything?

Did he live away from home before those 8 years?
Does he have a job? A good job?
I wouldn't judge the living at home thing on its own, but I might judge the other things.
You say he's slim, but you haven't actually met him? Are you going by a photo or by live video chat?

I think it's stretching it to call these things red flags. You can just decide a man is not for you without having to find a red flag to justify it.

I changed my mind about someone when I found out he was still living with his ex’s parents. His next step was going to be moving back in with his parents when his brother and his girlfriend moved out.
He was 50!!! and hadn’t had his own home. It was such a shock that the apron strings had never been cut!