Am I being too sensitive?

[Loveduvetdays]

My husband has a very dry sense of humour. When I question some of the things he says, I am told I am being too sensitive, it's banter etc. We were having a meal with our kids and their partners (early 20s), and I was talking about changing my hairstyle and he says "I would sort your face out first!". It upset me but he says I can't take a joke. I called him out on it the next day, when everyone was there to get their thoughts. The kids said they were staying out of it! Would this upset you? We have been together 25 years. Just to add, he gives it out but can rarely take it.

Just to add, he gives it out but can rarely take it.

That’s how you know it isn’t a joke. It’s a ‘joke’ from him, but he actually knows the level of malice behind it, which is why he can’t take it.

That's not a joke. It's not.

He's a bastard.

Saying outrageous things and then saying it's banter or a joke is not OK.

Does he keep up this hilarious sense of humour to other people. Does he tell bouncers they need to sort their face out or his boss?

I think that was just a mean thing to say.

I hate it when someone blames you for their bad behaviour. My ex used to say I was too sensitive. The truth was he was a rude bastard.

Just to add, he gives it out but can rarely take it.

He’s utter scum. Either tell him to fuck off or leave him.

Absolutely this.

What a nasty thing to say. He enjoyed humiliating you. Disgusting man

He doesn't sound like a kind person.

Whatever his own opinion on humour is, if you've told him that it upsets you, he should stop doing it.

This needs to be stopped now. U don't like it, u tell him therefore it should stop

Personally I’d find that amusing, and retort with something equally as barbish. Like yeah when you sort your fat gut/smelly arse/bad breath or whatever else I could make up in the moment,

but he should recognise by now you don’t like it and don’t give it back so should refrain, but for me, it would be something I’d laugh about.

If he could take it it might be different, but because he can't you can tell it's bullying rather than joking.

That’s so nasty. It’s not funny, it’s a targeted attack designed to hurt and humiliate you. Does he say things like that to your children? The fact they “stayed out of it” suggests they don’t want him to turn on them instead, or they’ve watched him bully you for so long they think it’s acceptable. Neither is okay.

I hate psychological abusers who hide behind 'it was a joke' because it never actually was a joke and they're just bullying cowards. A good response might have been 'yep, that's the result of years living with you'.

Thanks for the replies. It's helpful to get perspective and know it's not me being sensitive. I told him he's setting a bad example to DS x2 as they will think it's ok to talk to their girlfriends like that.

If I was one of your DS's girlfriends, I'd be cringing at that and making any excuse not to spend time with your husband.

He thinks it's ok to talk to his wife of 25 years like that. Why wouldn't he think it was also ok for his sons to speak to their girlfriends like that?

For him to see it as setting a bad example he'd have to agree with you that it's not ok. He clearly disagrees.