TW to ask how it starts

[thisuserisanonymous]

TRIGGER WARNING
to people who were in domestic abuse relationships,
is it true it can randomly start after years, I’m talking just one day years in just boom it starts. if so what were the signs leading up and what behaviours were potentially warning signs that you now see.
can someone really hide it for years then show there colours. why do they wait etc. what are the biggest red flags and signs

Usually there’s warning signs but we dismiss them, excuse them away or rationalize them.

Things like criticism, negging, criticizing your friends/family, “checking in” (checking up) on you, occasional flare-ups of anger, telling you how to do things/how things should be done, making you doubt yourself over things, disrupting/preventing your sleep, mean little comments, eye-rolls, making you feel “less than” somehow, and yes these usually build up over time.

They “wait” because otherwise we’d leave straight away as soon as we saw they were an arsehole. So we get in a relationship, just think it has its “ups and downs” , give them the benefit of the doubt. But one day their mask slips and they lash out/swear at you/threaten you/punch a wall/bang a table or worse, or do something really cruel and shocking.

So it can seem like it is out of the blue but there’s usually a few little signs.

I think it is common for physical abuse to be preceded by verbal and emotional abuse, and for the perpetrator to exhibit controlling behaviour in some form before the violence starts.

I am so sorry you are here needing answers to this question. I cannot imagine your reasons for asking are good 😩😪

Please take care of yourself.