What is going on with people’s manners?

[Mum3202]

DH and me were sitting in a bench in the park. DH was about to put DD in her pushchair and I was helping him and all of a sudden I see a woman sitting in the bench just behind him. Not a word. Bear in mind we just stood up, didn’t take even a step away from the bench. DH could have tripped on the woman hadn’t I noticed that. I looked at her with a WTF face and only then she asked if we were leaving. I said yes we are leaving but we are still here. She replies: I’m just asking for my husband to sit and don’t need your attitude. I was shocked with the rudeness and lack of manners. I then said to her: but you sat before you asked. She then goes on and calls me stupid. This woman is old enough to be my mom. Her husband was miles way probably embarrassed with the situation. AIBU or was she extremely rude and had no manners at all?

She was being weird

I've found after covid, that people seem far more entitled and don't seem to have manners as much. Maybe it's always been like that and I've started noticing more because I've got older.

It sounds to me like she’d gone on ahead to find a seat for her struggling husband. Yes, it would have been more polite to have asked but your attitude stinks. If you have something to say, don’t use your WTF face; use your grown-up words. She absolutely did not need your attitude.

Covid/lockdown etc broke the social contract.

Calling people stupid seems par for the course now, but that attitude will only get you so far before you try it with someone who won’t gulp and walk away. Granny or not.

I doubt she’d have done it to a man.

I agree but IMO you too could have been a bit more diplomatic in your post

I get shit all the time and I, we are very polite. It's because we are Asian and many, will just give us dirty looks or make snide comments. But we are not confrontational and ignore and ignore. We rarely pap our horn at idiots that cut us up as it then results in more abuse etc

I think you overreacted a bit

I've seen women had to hand fighting.

I find women a lot more ruder than men in public. Men are often seen as peacemekaers

In OP's case and IMO, the woman was wrong and so was OP and what happened IMO both met their match, so to speak of

I appreciate your opinion but this just reiterates what I said on my original post. You could have said the same thing you just said but in a more respectful way. But maybe this is just me. I’m old school and still say excuse me and thank you, etc. But it seems that this is going out of fashion.

If she was old enough to be your mum and basically sat down the second she could, why was your first instinct to call her out on it rather than ask if she was OK? It seems like you wanted her to be the rude one here in order to justify your reaction.

There was nothing disrespectful about pp's comment.

You could have said the same thing you just said but in a more respectful way.

says the person who looked at an old woman with a what the fuck face when she sat down on a bench. Yes people are getting more aggressive and ruder, but I don’t think you sound like an example of great manners here.

Thank you for your opinion. I’m usual not a confrontational person at all. That’s why I wanted to hear other opinions about the situation. I was just shocked with the fact she didn’t even say a word before seating there. But yes, maybe I should have ignored her. But on the other hand I feel that if we don’t say anything people carry on doing this kind of things.

Maybe a bit of early onset dementia? I don’t think that is normal behaviour at all, especially the ‘stupid’ comment. Either that or a bit thick herself. Don’t worry op, you did nothing wrong. Some people are batshit.

She wasn’t an elderly lady. She was probably in her 50s. It’s not about the seating down. It’s just the fact she didn’t say a single word. Maybe I did overreact but I don’t think that asking a simple question such as “are you
leaving” before seating down is asking too
much.

From the OP and subsequent reply to a PP who was perfectly respectful, I think you don't have the manners you think you do unfortunately.

I also don't understand why you were initially offended? I might have been slightly annoyed but wouldn't have bothered to give an older woman a wtf face or say anything. You were leaving so there was no need.

She probably should’ve asked despite it probably being apparent to her that you were leaving. However, two wrongs don’t make a right.

From your replies, it seems like you posted on here to find people to agree with you in order to justify your behaviour.

I’m not one to react to this kind of situations but I also never said my attitude was correct. I should have just ignored the situation.

I wasn’t offended. We just stood up, trying to get the baby in the pushchair and someone just sits right behind DH and not a word. Maybe I just felt protective because he was holding DD and he didn’t even noticed the woman behind him. If I hadn’t noticed and he had turned around or tripped on the woman…something that could easily be avoided by just using a couple of words.

I’m not looking for anyone to agree. Just trying to find other people's POV on the situation.
And I never said I was right. If I thought that I wouldn’t be asking other people’s opinions on the situation.

Many thanks for that.
As you know I was not there and it was just an opinion. Credit to you for coming back politely, I respect that

Next time you encounter something like that, try to hide your emotions as the next person may be a lot rudder. Yes, its easier said that done

Enjoy your Easter

My pov is that her sitting down quickly would have been quite funny. I have had this on holiday mainly, different places, sunbeds and at the bar in the hotel, and at entertainment areas where seats or views were at a premium. Families hover near you but some look at you in a hostile manner. I would not say anything, if I am finished with the space idc….

I doubt I would therefore get called stupid, because I wouldn’t comment first. But yes it is rude to call people names in any case.