Aibu to despair of DH never giving anything 100%?! We've been together for over 10 years, 3 DC together and I'm at my wits end. He just doesn't seem interested in doing things, that are a fundamental part of parenting or even god forbid being an adult.
When the DC were younger I got fed up of bearing all of the mental load so gave him two "jobs" to do - sort out registering the kids at a dentist and book them onto swimming lessons. That was 5 years ago. He's done neither.
He has a work trip coming up and his passport has expired. Its the type of thing I would deal with but I've just refused to have anything to do with it so he's now flapping around panicking and had to book an in person appointment to get it sorted in time.
He has four shavers because he can't be bothered keeping track of them (I organise everything in the house so everything has a home but obviously I never use his shavers). He often shaves in the car after he's parked up about to go into the office.
I've tried to get him to help with specific things, e.g. cleaning the bathroom is his job but he will wipe down the sink but never use anything other than loo roll or kitchen roll so after a while there's a ring of black stuff around the plug. He doesn't consider the bathroom floor part of his job. He hoovers around things (even socks!) instead of moving them. He's supposed to be responsible for the weekly shop but regularly forgets to buy the specific things only I need (due to my own dietary requirements) so I often have nothing in for breakfast.
He's supposed to be in charge of the dishwasher (if he 'washes' our youngests bottle up there will still be milk residue in the crevices, so I do all manual washing up) but never stacks it right so things remain dirty, never cleans the filter and doesn't use the right setting so unclean items just sit in the dishwasher until they're eventually considered clean and put away. He often puts away crockery that's still got food residue on it.
Is this unreasonable? Am I asking too much? If I mention it sometimes it'll improve but most often he gets defensive and brings up the one time I left a cup in the living room overnight, or calls me a nag, or points out I work part time and he full time. Sometimes it feels like he's physically incapable of finishing something, I did wonder if he's ND but as a woman with ADHD it's not an excuse for me to be lazy!
I'm just so down about it. Even the non household stuff- this Christmas was the first one since we've been together that I asked him to sort the cards and gifts for his parents. I found a sealed Xmas card with MIL's name on it in the playroom when cleaning it out so clearly that didn't happen.
I feel like screaming.