Boys getting changed in girls changing room

[LovingLife0]

What age is too old? There are two boys in year 5 (age 9-10) who get changed in the female changing rooms at my DD8's lesson with their mums, who are friends. It's cramped and open and she feels embarrassed. Can I raise it with their mums? Perhaps I should raise it with the swimming school instead of directly to the two mums? I don't they're there to help them for SEND needs, they just seem to baby them, but of course I don't know for sure.

Boys that age should not be in the female changing room.
I would mention it to the organisers.

Facilities without family changing are difficult. How would you feel about sending a nine year old to change in the men's unaccompanied?

My son is that age and hates it and feels scared.

I ended up buying him a cheap Aldi dry robe and we get changed at home.

Are there any private areas? I agree it's not good for your daughter with this arrangement.

Would the men's just be the swimming class at that time or general swim.

There's another thread about this today. There should be family changing rooms, and private cubicles, as there are a few years when boys are too young to be safe necessarily in the men's alone, but too old to be in the women's.

Usually for communal changing areas there is a rule that children over 7 or 8 go in the changing room for their sex.

We sent our son in the men's from that age - if it's for swimming lessons and it's just parents and kids about then that feels ok.

If it's a public pool it can feel pretty vulnerable to send a young boy into the men's on their own, so if they don't have dad or another man to supervise them, they should use family or individual cubicles. Sometimes in reality this means choosing a different pool while they're that in-between age. It can be tricky but it's definitely not fair just to bring them into the women's changing room.

The male changing room is just children from the swimming lessons - maybe also a few male parents/carers helping their boys change? The pool is just for lessons. There are no private changing areas, just the two open ones. I'll speak to the instructors as I'm sure I can't be the first person who's raised it. Just find it weird that the two mums of the boys don't see that is inappropriate.

If it's only children attending swimming lessons and their parents, it should be fine for them to use the men's without a parent at that age, as long as their mothers can call from the doorway or ask someone to check on them.

At 9 they should definitely not be using the female changing room for this very reason. I wouldn't say to the mums but would say to instructor or receptionist.

Think if it’s during lessons when restricted to participants and their parents the boys should be in male changing area at age eight upwards. I would ask admin to approach the mum or send out a general notice to lesson attendees.

Don't approach the mum's they'll only be defensive.
Take it up with the swimming school, just explain how DD feels and as there's nowhere else for her to change it makes her feel uncomfortable.

I am close to a decade above this issue, but DH and I have managed to negotiate swimming pools and ££ gyms with a club swimmer.

Age 8 was the cut off for kids of either sex to be in single sex changing rooms of the opposite sex.

If children have an obvious disability, swimmers might be sympathetic and jiggle changing times.

Otherwise this is non-negotiable IMO.

I friend of mine recently said she takes her 10 year old son in the women’s changing room after his lesson and I said, surely he’s too old ? Girls in his class could find that uncomfortable and she got quite defensive about it.
To add, my 10 year old DS has lessons the same place on a different day, there’s only kids lessons on as it’s a pool rented out at a private school so there’s only other kids & some Dads helping them in there. My DS goes in on his own with a big overhead type towel & partially dresses under it and I meet him outside.
I think some parents baby a bit too long ?

I'm always a bit that women insist the presence of their 10 year old sons in female changing rooms don't impact 10 year old girls or other women, but absolutely can't imagine accompanying their 10 year old sons into male changing rooms. Because reasons...

If your son is not safe in the men's changing room or toilet, go in with him. Much less intrusive for you to go with the 10 year olf to the correct sex space than to build an early expectation that girls and women must always move aside for him and sod their personal boundaries or discomfort. Or as the rape crisis ceo defending the decision to deny female rape victims same sex support, they just "need to reframe their trauma".

I think that would mean dads would be expected to come into female changing rooms with their daughters, too, so it really isn't ideal.

It's also ignoring the fact that many women are scared to go into men's changing rooms and can be vulnerable in them.

Boys should be in male changing room when they are 8. If the mothers dont like then get a towel changing robe and teach them to partially change inside it poolside.