If I definitely didn't want children, I'd stay single forever.

[Marinasummers]

I mean, that could change but that's how I feel atm.
I find relationships tough, which may be down to my own personality. Many people I know will come on here and say that with the right person it's effortless, however I thought I had the right person a few times in my past and it was still tough!
I really struggle with the early dating stages. Despite what people like to claim, there is still inequality between the sexes and highly outdated ideas.
I am by no means obsessive/stalkerish but I find the whole having to play it mega cool very hard. I don't give all of myself right away but I just hate all the games so that we don't 'scare men off'.

As much as they're entitled to do so, I'm fed up with men being keen and then literally deciding 'oh actually ' and changing like the flipping wind. As I say they are perfectly entitled to do so, but the speed at which it happens is frustrating.

I have had enough of my partners being open about females at work they fancy. Yes, I know you find others attractive, but why do you need to tell me, it's people you work with!

It's the constant compromise, being told I should grow my hair, I need to eat more fish, I need to do xyz.

Pressure to have sex more, to feel like you need to be making a lot of effort for things to not go stale, worrying about the whole engagement/married timelines and so on.

There are so many great moments too! Feel free to tell me I'm wrong. If anyone could convince me otherwise, I'm on board for it.
The only reason I'm considering it is being mid 30s.

Im not saying I expect a relationship with absolutely zero effort involved. However it just feels like constant anxiety for me and I don't know why.

I definately don't want children.
I wouldn't rule out being single forever. I love the idea of meeting the love of my life and growing old together but in reality I think those type of relationships are rare.

I'd love to have a few hot steamy romances though. But the good thing about not wanting kids is I'll feel no guilt when things don't work out so can walk away easier.

Tbh I wish more women avoided having kids as they end up tied to bastards that they could of otherwise cut completely from their lives. But we can only choose our own paths.

Hit the nail on the head for me with many points. I also struggle with the early dating stages. After my latest experience of being dropped by a bloke, I have pondered just staying intentionally single now. I’m 30 and think I could be happy without children.

Ive a friend and her and her husband of many years didnt want children. They look like they have a good marriage and a great life. I wonder how many men only have children because they have partners who do want them.

however, in your case they sound like shitty men.

It sounds like you've been with some shitty men, I've never been told to grow my hair or eat more of anything.
I've been with my husband for 19 years, we have a very happy childfree life.

I never wanted kids. If it weren't for sex, I'd stay single forever. (I'm 40)

YANBU. It’s the 2020s and being in a partnership is thankfully no longer a pre-requisite for having children.

Thank you for your points of view, I appreciate them.
Can't even be bothered with sex anymore either, and having to sit on my hands to not text a guy whilst he decides whether he's going to slow fade me or not afterwards, and I'm expected to await the outcome.

I mean, you don't HAVE to sit on your hands and not text, you could just be yourself. If you've stopped investing in the supposed outcome (them fading you) why not try being authentic anyway? You might find you are overall happier.

Just have a baby on your own. Women who never marry are happier and live longer.

It sounds like you have not met the right person yet

Don't do anything that you don't want to do, ever

YANBU. But I would consider having a child alone rather than seeking a partner just to have a baby. That would not be fair on anyone.

DH and I were not able to have children but have a very happy marriage, 34 years and counting.

I think this is why DH and I do pretty ok together. We both have very clear boundaries and neither of us cross the others. We also champion each other doing whatever we want even if it’s inconvenient for the other. It’s a very fine line though and can imagine would easily be broken by other more demanding people.

I think as a woman, choosing not to let a man into your life to physically and psychologically leech off you is a VERY legitimate choice For (unfortunately) the majority of women.

I’m horrified you wouldn’t want these men for just yourself but are willing to inflict them on a child tbh, I think it’s awful to knowingly inflict a shitty father on a child. If you are really unable to find a decent man why not have a baby on your own instead.

I think if you are continuously finding yourself dating the same type of men it's a good idea to figure out why.

Some people just suck. But given you seem to have a pattern it might be worth looking into.

A question I always asked on the first date was
"How did you contribute to the break down of your previous relationships?"

I wanted to see what kind of accountability they could take, and really because it's important for me to do the same.

A question I always asked on the first date was
"How did you contribute to the break down of your previous relationships?"

What 😂 if someone asked me this on a first date I’d tell them to do one, it’s a date not a bloody interrogation.

Fair enough. I want to know though. No point wasting my time or theirs.

I like to dig deep on a first date. 😉

Funny enough my partner does the same thing on first dates. I guess we were meant for each other. Lol

I actually loved dating. Met some amazing people.

But if a person had only crazy or shitty exes that was a red flag.

I’m amazed that the OP doesn’t think they could be the problem.

“I can’t be bothered with sex anymore”… you know the largest sex organ is between the ears, right? Your whole approach sounds lacklustre to everything, so how will you feel sexy or want another person, if you yourself “can’t be bothered” with everything relationship?

I am a bit stumped - what do you want from people on here other than an echo chamber of “men are a bit shit” etc

I admire how upfront you are to be honest and I can see how it’s a good way to see if the person has any self awareness.

I know you didn't specifically ask for advice OP but mine would be go to therapy for a year, then if you still feel the same way, just have a baby on your own. You don't need a partner if you don't want one.

I am indeed saying I may be part of the problem. As I said I find dating anxiety-inducing in general because of the inequalities that exist between the sexes. I may well have not met the right person yet though and maybe I will.

So just do you, stay single forever then as per your thread title.

I disagree with the 'have a baby alone' comments so much. Why the fuck would anyone want to do such a gruelling thing alone if they didn't absolutely have to? I wouldn't encouraging someone to do one of the hardest, most isolating, most physically and emotionally taxing things on their own! At least, not unless they were absolutely desperate for kids.

Just shows how brainwashed we are as a society that kids are somehow a requirement. That we feel entitled to bring them into unhappy homes or into existence without a father. 'Oh just do it alone' flippantly banded about. No - just don't have kids.

Well said @Pinkbonbon Fully agree. Deliberately denying a child half of their family is just morally wrong in my opinion. And I don't care how many mothers end up as single parents or how many crap fathers there are out there - that's not justification to 'go it alone'.

Yes it's one thing to have to seperate from the other parent. Totally different to decide from the off to go it alone.

I wouldn't like to harshly judge everyone who does it as maybe they have huge families to support (plenty of hands-on uncles to act as dads) and have always wanted desperately to be mothers and it's their very last chance. I have some sympathy there. Not saying it makes it right but tbf, they'll probably be double the parent to that child than some couples are.

But generally speaking kids deserve the start of a mum and a dad. I wouldn't want to encourage people to skip the step of finding an actual father for their kid. It just isn't the moral thing to do.

Especially if someone isn't even sure they want kids. I mean its a whole other persons life we're talking about here. Not just.. a box to check off.