Would you consider me as needy or normal?

[Valhalla22]

I know it's highly subjective as one person's needy is another person's avoidant, however just want to get a general feel.
I'm single but have been considering what I'd like in a potential partner/during the dating stage.

I think I'd like to see someone a maximum of twice per week. Once or twice a week in the early stages seems ideal.

In terms of texting, I wouldn't want someone who texts me every minute of the day, nor would I want someone who takes 24h for every single reply. No issues with people taking 24h if they're on holiday or things like that, but then in the past I've had people start taking a very long time for every single msg because they were no longer interested. A max of 2-3 messages a day seems about right.

If all were going well and we seemed to like each other, I'd probably look at making things official say around 6 dates in? Or after around 5-6 weeks of dating.

Obviously there's no hard and fast rule, and everyone moves differently but looking at this, does it seem reasonable or would you think, woah, way too clingy?

I also wouldn't want a guy who thinks a woman can't ask him out too or that he should be initiating everything, I've got zero time for that.

Perfect!

There are way too many specific numbers in there. You can't dictate these things.

Two or three messages a day from the get-go...or would it build up to that as a maximum? And then could it drop down again? If dh was texting me three times a day I'd tell him to stop swinging the lead. 🤣

It’s oddly regimented.

It wouldn’t be “too needy”, for me; if anything I think it’d lean the opposite way, but you won’t be dating me, so my opinion doesn’t really matter.

Has someone suggested you are clingy? Are you putting rather regimented expectations in place as a way to show that you are not?

I’d have found it really weird to limit my texts to my now husband to 3 or 4 a day. We text more than that now and we live together!

We saw each other when we wanted to and both had time. Sometimes once a week; sometimes three times; I think one week most evenings and then we jokingly talked about why I was still paying for my flat and why I didn’t have my own toothbrush at his, and it all moved on from there…

Surely lots of rules and guidelines just ruin the moment, and the fun?

I think you're thinking about this far too much. You've answered your own question. My view is there needs to be a balance that suits both people. Some people say they had a one night stand with their now husband who just never went home some 30 years ago. For others any texting that's more than just to confirm plans is excessive. What I would do though is set boundaries and stick to them because people will most definitely try!

I wouldn't consider your figures needy, but I am wondering why you've planned the timeline so carefully in advance of meeting someone? You might meet someone and have instant chemistry, or you might have a slow burner, which would affect the speed of things. Or the other person might have a different idea of the timeline from you. I think a bit of flexibility (with boundaries) is good when starting to date.

Is that texting 2-3 times a day literally or sessions of texting?

I wouldn't think you clingy, at all. More the exact opposite.

too many 'limits' for me, I prefer things more natural.

It's all sounds very prescribed and controlled. Just take it as it comes, do what feels right

I absolutely get why people are saying it sounds regimented, indeed it does.
I haven't been called clingy before, but I think it seems to be in my head a little bit. I suppose I'm also stinging a bit after a recent rejection, where the guy dropped from a couple of texts a day to one polite one per 24h as a means of slow fading me.

I will indeed seize the moment and do what feels right. Obviously I won't have an exact 'quota' of daily messages we cannot exceed 🤣 just trying to think of previous 'talking stages' and early dating stages and what felt the most comfortable. Thanks for replying to me.

Sounds fine, albeit overthinking somewhat.

It's good to have a rough idea of what would work, but it maybe sounds a tad rigid.

I think the fact you’re giving it this much thought makes you seem a bit needy, tbh.

Sounds like you want to call all the shots and are very rigid about how things "should be"

Have you ever been in a relationship?

I used to have a similar ideal to you... when I had never dated anyone beyond 2 months 😁

I've had a few relationships before yes, I totally understand why people are saying I'm overthinking. Sadly I've bought into the whole 'don't come across as too keen/eager to men' :(

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it 😂. Some people are chatterboxes, some aren’t, neither bother me. Same for how fast you’d move - you can’t predict how that will hit. I always kept it to once or twice a week in the early stages with partners but then stayed over once at my other half’s and never really left again (it’s fine, we’re 13 years, a marriage and two houses later, and he hasn’t been able to wrest me out the door yet - pretty sure he’s too polite to ask me to leave).

Erm…only you know what works for you but as long as you don’t tell potential partners from the get go what your communication hopes are, you’ll be fine!