To not understand why people can't be more honest

[Tickdurpin]

So many people I know seem to think the kindest thing to do is ghost and/or make excuses if they aren't interested in someone.
The thing is, by doing this the rejected person is still going to understand you aren't interested, it's just going to waste a bit more of their time and possibly lead them on.
Aside from a small number of people who will react angrily, the majority of people aren't going to melt if you tell them you don't want a second date, don't want to take things further, don't see them in that way.
You don't have to be rude or mean about it. If you tell them you prefer to be friends/don't feel a connection or whatever then yes they'll be disappointed for a bit.
If you tell them you're busy/a lot going on/something came up/ghost. .. they will also get the message you aren't interested, however they might first take your 'busy" message at face value and try again later down the line/wait for you to get back in touch/analyse your message.

I just find it a bit sad that so many adults do this. About a year ago my friend was rejected by a colleague who made a big deal about how he doesn't date colleagues. 2 months later he was seeing a different colleague.

I just think if someone's taken the time chatting to you, meeting you for a date and so on then you need to not be so cowardly and actually be upfront.

@Tickdurpin there's no point wasting your headspace trying to work out people's reasons for not being honest. There could be thousands of possible backstories about not being able to come out with the reality of "sorry, I'm not that into you".

youd be better off thinking about your response to how people are, whichever side of the rejection you're on (either giving the rejection or receiving it). I find walking away and not looking back has served me well. I spent too long taking things personally and found the "meh, have it your way, your loss" approach was as good as any.

DP would say something like that.😂

Most people use polite passive communication to indicate disinterest or dislike.
However, it does indicate levels of attraction are not reciprocated.

unpopular opinion but I don't think ghosting is a terrible thing, yes if you are in a relationship with someone but just someone you're speaking to on a dating site or had a couple of dates with? Absolutely don't see the issue .

I disagree that most people would be upset for a bit then get over it.
The person doing the rejecting doesn’t want the other person to try and convince them to rescind the rejection or for the other person to turn up or be angry. They don’t want to have to go into details about why they are dumping someone.
Slow fading someone is much crueler than ghosting imo. I don’t count people who are low contact with people like family that they can’t dump but slow fading keeps the other person hoping and unaware for longer

We all carry our own baggage. I'd come out of an abusive relationship. I started getting friendly with someone, going to his for a coffee. I cooled off thinking he'd ask me out properly. He didn't, so I ghosted him. I wouldn't do it now, I've recovered from the abuse. I didn't used to recognise that honesty needs confidence and self security, because I used to have it (and now do again), but having temporarily lost confidence, it can prevent communication.

I agree. When I did online dating I didn’t mind if somebody ghosted me after a few dates or after just messaging. I didn’t need to know the real reasons why they weren’t interested in me or the generic ‘there was no spark’. If I didn’t want to meet up again it was usually due to lack of attraction / different values / feeling uncomfortable with them and I assumed when people didn’t want to meet up with me again it was for similar reasons.

Sorry but your post made me think of this!

It is pretty much a case by case thing indeed, it's not necessarily about knowing the real reasons, I just think it's a bit odd how some people couldn't bear the thought of just saying 'sorry I don't want to'/sorry I don't see it going further.'
Totally agree that the easy way out for many is saying I've got a busy week, and then hoping the person will get the hint and stop bothering you.
But as I said it's totally different if it's a virtual stranger Vs someone you already know and are likely to bump into.