To think this is too much time with one friend

[PEEDOFFFACE]

Me and DH going through rough patch. My arguement is we don't see each other ( work opposite shifts) . He doesn't agree. Then when we do he's on what's app etc
Anyway
Last Saturday he went to see a friend ( I took one of kids out for something that was pre planned).
Then this week spent all week at work with same friend, then had a work do with her mid week, then going out with her and other people this Saturday ( ok I thought this was a bit much). However he's just told me she's also invited him out with her and her mates Sunday. He's not going but doesn't really want to say that to her. She did invite our three children and him ( but not me).
If I bring this up he says I'm ridiculous and inventing stuff in my head, or that I'm saying he's not allowed friends. I'm not saying that. I just think it's excessive. As a married person with kids I wouldn't spend two Saturdays in a row with the same person then get invited the Sunday too and think that's normal

Please tell me if you think I'm being crazy or not. He says he's not going Sunday so what's the problem , but he still has to go to her house to pick up something ( tho might not see her but if she sees him she will invite him in and it will apparently be awkward if he says no)

Just to say she is in a relationship and I would still be annoyed if she was a man

I think that your relationship is breaking down and he's at least having an emotional affair, or has a massive crush. You not getting an invite makes me wonder if he's telling her that you are living separate lives.

No you're not being crazy and don't let him convince you that you are. Are you sure she is definitely in a relationship? It sounds like she is dating your DH. I wouldn't be surprised if he has told her you are separated. He's taking the absolute piss.

Your not wrong to think that and seems a wandering mind, your best bet is just to be upfront and ask why etc

Red flag ...

Go along....your kids too. It is bordering on affair territory...if not already. Is he taking the kids to see if they get on with possible OW? your husband is BU...not time spent with you but spends too much time with another woman. You cant tell him no but you can weigh up what to do if he does.

This is not how married people behave.
He is having an emotional affair or at least prioritizing time with her over you/ his family

He’s dating her right in front of your face

You are not going crazy, this is not on. Do not let him try to fool you otherwise.

I've had a look at your other posts over the last year or so. Go back and have a look yourself.
Whether there is something going on or not, things just aren't right are they?

Sorry, what's the situation with her?
You say he spent all week working with her, are they colleagues? Has he known her / been close with her very long? Have they hung out before?

It sounds like an emotional affair might be brewing whether he realises that or not, although maybe they are just friends 🤷🏼‍♀️ you're not crazy for being a little suspicious though, it's clearly making you uncomfortable.

Emotional affair at best

You're calmer than me. I'd be popping along with the kids. Weird behaviour at the least!

They work together. I think he's never really had friends since we've been together. I wouldn't mind if it was different people but it's been her.

Ohh okay, is she the one from before that was calling him huggable and messaging him and stuff? 🤔

The whole thing is a red flag but this part really stood out to me ;

He's not going but doesn't really want to say that to her. She did invite our three children and him ( but not me).

The problem isn’t really her though, the problem is your husband who is gaslighting you . There will always be potential temptation. The issue is him.

Why would he feel uncomfortable declining a social invite with someone who is just a platonic friend? Why would someone invite him and the kids but not you?

He clearly sees her as more than a friend and has likely misled her about the nature of your relationship which is why she feels comfortable to invite your children without you.

I’m not one of those who believe men and women can’t be friends. one of my best friends is a guy I’ve known since I was 18.

I do spend some weekends at his family house where i interact with him AND his wife and kids. We sometimes pop out ourselves with the children and the wife at home, but that is entirely supported and encouraged by her as she is glad to get some time to herself!

But I only see him and his family sporadically as we live far from each other. I haven’t seen him this year. And I wouldn’t dream of inviting him & his kids somewhere and excluding his wife.

Thankfully she knows I’m no threat to her and has always been really kind to me - if she showed any signs of feeling threatened at all or thinking I was after her husband, I’d back off completely. I’d be gutted but his marriage is more important than my friendship with him.

Edit to add - oops I didn’t mean to quote the whole OP 😅

That makes it even worse. If he is not really into keeping friends, the only long term
relationship he’s had outside family is his marriage I guess? But now he’s made an exception for this woman.

If he has no track record of platonic friendships, but has attached himself to this woman I think we can guess it’s not platonic.

My best guy friend has a lot of friends - both male and female. If I was his only friend I’d probably find it weird. I think he’d be creeped out if he was my only friend too!

No, this is someone he's actually friends with

He's shit at making friends. I've just had a discussion with him and he said I was invited. He didn't want to go cos wanted to spend time with us. He says that he was a bit moody the other day and one of his friends called him on it so he made a point of being better as he's realised friendships are fragile . Yet he's not like that with me 🤣🤣.

When we got together he had a few platonic friends ( always woman) which was fine. Bit since married he hasn't really had any ( moved away) my thing is it's too much to spend every weekend with one person. I said I wouldn't mind if he went to see other people ita just the same person. He said she is just really friendly ( yet the two times I've met her she barely spoke to me).

Op you're not crazy and even if you had got the wrong end of the stick which you haven't because their behaviour is not on your hubby shouldn't talk to you like that anyway. He should understand your concern and if you're upset ensure you're reassued . How can he think its normal that this woman invited him and the kids and not you. Never heard such rubbish. And even if she means no harm (can't see how she can think this is normal but ok) your hubby should thinks it's odd especially if you have said you don't like it. If i were you I'd call it How it is and be secure in yourself. If this is something he's going to make the norm or can't see where you're coming from then know he's not treating you right.

😱

Are you 100% sure he's not gay. I had an old boss who was married for years with 2 kids and only really had women friends, he was quiet and withdrawn and purposely seemed to keep away from being close to men. He then came out (still a fantastic father) split respectfully with his wife and then became the life and soul of the party and ended up in a really lovely relationship with a man and they married etc. I know this sounds extreme and possibly a one off example but your post made me re live it. Especially as you said you're having marriage problems aside from this issue with his new friend.