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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked that my friend won't

26 replies

teacheroffsick · 29/03/2024 23:12

let her child watch a tv show if it shows two men kissing? She said she'd rather just have her child see men and women kissing and tv was too woke these days. I said surely it's just depicting a loving relationship. What even is 'woke'? My family try to insult me by saying I'm too woke.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 29/03/2024 23:18

Woke is basically being so open minded your brains fall out.

But your friend does sound actually homophobic not just "woke".

ColleenDonaghy · 29/03/2024 23:19

Two red flags there that would change how I see someone - the homophobia and "woke" as a negative. I'd be distancing myself.

Screamingabdabz · 29/03/2024 23:20

She’s a homophobic arse.

bossybloss · 29/03/2024 23:20

I love being called woke.

Womanbythesea · 29/03/2024 23:20

I'd rather be woke than a bigot.

Womanbythesea · 29/03/2024 23:22

When did being woke become an insult? I mean I see it all the time on MN.

teacheroffsick · 29/03/2024 23:25

Yes exactly. My DH uses the term woke to insult me. I just think I'm very accepting of people whoever they are. Why would that be a bad thing? Why would she have a problem with seeing two blokes kiss? Very weird

OP posts:
meganorks · 29/03/2024 23:25

'Woke' just seems to be a lazy trope for 'I don't have a valid argument for this so I'll just shout woke'. And generally seems to be someone who has some unpleasant views and just hides behind 'woke'

To be fair, I'm not sure how much kissing young kids are seeing though in their TV shows. I don't think there is much kissing in the stuff my kids watch and they aren't that young.

RockyRogue1001 · 29/03/2024 23:28

I'm so old I remember people saying (whilst doing the finger thing for the speech marks)

" politically correct "

ColleenDonaghy · 29/03/2024 23:31

RockyRogue1001 · 29/03/2024 23:28

I'm so old I remember people saying (whilst doing the finger thing for the speech marks)

" politically correct "

Yes me too and then politically correct gone mad.

hazelnutfriday · 29/03/2024 23:33

why would you want your child to be watching tv programmes with anyone kissing?

teacheroffsick · 29/03/2024 23:37

I don't really think that's the point. Maybe she meant if coronation street was on in the background or something

OP posts:
hazelnutfriday · 29/03/2024 23:38

teacheroffsick · 29/03/2024 23:37

I don't really think that's the point. Maybe she meant if coronation street was on in the background or something

why would you have coronation street on in the back ground if your child was in the room? totally inappropriate

SnapdragonToadflax · 29/03/2024 23:39

I'm not sure I believe anyone young enough to have young children thinks like that nowadays. And certainly not that would voice it.

teacheroffsick · 29/03/2024 23:48

Oh I don't know what programme she meant. She said it, not me

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 29/03/2024 23:50

She's a homophobe. Let's hope her child isn't gay because that's a shit, lonely place for them to be.

takealettermsjones · 29/03/2024 23:53

hazelnutfriday · 29/03/2024 23:38

why would you have coronation street on in the back ground if your child was in the room? totally inappropriate

Surely it depends on the age of the child?

TeabySea · 29/03/2024 23:58

"Woke" has replaced "Political correctness gone mad".
I'll keep with team woke. I have no issue with my kid seeing a same-sex couple kiss. Why would it be a problem?
Depending on the age of the child, a highly passionate embrace or sexual activity might not be appropriate but that would regardless of whether the people were both male, both female, or one of each.

Womanbythesea · 30/03/2024 00:04

I'm team woke all the way.Anyone using woke as an insult is a bigot as far as I'm concerned.

Eyeroll2024 · 30/03/2024 00:09

Woke used to mean enlightened and progressive, but now it is generally used as a derogatory term which means you follow an extreme hard left party line and are intolerant and defamatory towards anyone who disagrees with you.

Woke people are sometimes extremely bigoted, for example they often go straight to ad hominem attacks, calling those who disagree with them bigots, phobic, Nazis and far right, instead of just allowing others the right to have dissenting opinions.

Sometimes the woke will claim that others are causing harm by using words they disagree with and try to shut other opinions and beliefs down. The term woke is now often associated with censorship and thought policing.

As a result there is now quite a bit of pushback on the idea of being woke and it's generally used as an insult as in "Go woke go broke".

Your friend may be a lovely person and great parent who just finds men kissing uncomfortable for any reason. Simply not wishing to watch any sexual act on TV no matter who is doing it is not actually wrong or bigoted. Not wanting to watch same sex kissing or have your child watch it might be that she just doesn't want to try to discuss sexuality and same sex attraction with a young child.

But if the underlying reason is that she feels same sex attraction is wrong, deviant, perverse or (insert other slur or negative) then yes she is prejudiced against homosexual people, and I wouldn't be friends with someone who was a homophobe.

Of course, she is entitled to hold bigoted beliefs as well, providing she's not breaking any laws.

Of course, you cannot know what her reasons are without delving further which might lead to uncomfortable conversations or arguments.

Personally, I have had throughout my life friends who are left and right and centrist, but I am absolutely fine with agreeing to disagree with most things provided they don't harm me or mine personally. I don't see bigotry and phobia around every corner, nor do I automatically make assumptions about other people's reasons for having different opinions. I can have a calm rational discussion with someone from another opposing viewpoint too and they can see that I am not being snide, condescending or consider myself better than them, which has been useful in past discussions.

An example, I was friends with a Christian who truly believed homosexuality was a sin. They didn't hate homosexuals or want to hurt them, but believed if they acted on their feelings they would go to hell. I disagreed, and after a couple of calm discussions, we agreed to disagree. They didn't bring it up in public, or bible thump about it. I haven't seen them in years, but I know they were not hateful or harmful, just (in my opinion) misguided on that topic.

I understand that you will never win hearts and minds by screaming abuse at people, and being abusively insulting to those you disagree with just further hardens their heart and entrenches their position.

However, I would find this a bit uncomfortable without knowing her reasons. If she is anti same sex attraction that will be a problem if her child or other family members turn out to be gay, or have gay friends in the future.

Anyway, there are too many variables from the child's age to your friend's intentions to discuss this reasonably.

I guess it depends how much you want to get involved in this discussion and how deep you want to delve.

As I get older I tend to avoid hanging with people who have very different beliefs to mine as I just haven't the bandwidth anymore, only you can decide if you can be bothered to go deeper.

hazelnutfriday · 30/03/2024 00:12

takealettermsjones · 29/03/2024 23:53

Surely it depends on the age of the child?

well yes, it does, but coronation street is inappropriate for most of the length of a childhood

Scarletttulips · 30/03/2024 00:17

It affects 3% of the population so a lot of tv has jumped in the gravy train.

SmallFY · 30/03/2024 00:19

Horrendous homophobic behaviour in my opinion.

And I'm probably too far from woke for most.

If I could choose (and I can't) I'd prefer my DC to be straight and have traditional relationships.

Theyre too young for any of that yet.

But. I want them to be happy and loved more than meet my preferences for their personal lives.

I'm glad we live in a world where two adults can kiss on Tv regardless of gender.

If they grow up to be LGBT then at least they have a much much smaller chance of feeling scared/ashamed of their perfectly normal feelings.

Perhaps if that sort of TV/film existed when I was growing up my (secret) preference that my DC be straight wouldn't exist. As I think really the only reason I feel that way is the shame and difficulty some of my gay friends have gone through.

WhichEllie · 30/03/2024 00:20

How old are the children?

HeddaGarbled · 30/03/2024 00:22

Does she watch all the programmes in advance so she’ll know?