Picky eater

[NotMyCircusNotMyProblem]

So, I'm in my 50s and have been married for 30+ years. OH is and always has been a fussy eater. I have, throughout married life made allowances for his fussiness but, I have basically had a fcukin-nuff of it.

I love cooking. Just been browsing through a meal planner for the week:
chicken and sweetcorn pie - he doesn't like sweetcorn
Pea, leek and potato soup - he doesn't like leeks
Tuna, boiled egg and potato salad - he doesn't like tuna or eggs
Med veg and chickpea traybake - doesn't like chickpeas
Sausage, sweet potato and lentil stew - won't eat lentils.

If he had tried the offending items and didn't like them, I would say fair enough but, he hasn't tried them, he's just being a fussy twat.

So, my AIBU is - should I just make these meals and if he doesn't want them he can either make his own meal or go choke?

Have seriously had enough.

Absolutely. If he’s going to be awkward about everything then he cooks for himself. My mum panders to her husband like this and as a result has gone without the meals she loves for 30 years. Don’t be like her.

He either eats what you’re cooking or he sorts his sen out

YANBU. Life is to short to be constantly worried about what another perfectly able person is going to eat, especially if it means missing out on things you enjoy!

I think it's fine to eat separate meals or take turns cooking.

I think if you choose to marry someone who's a fussy eater it's a bit harsh to tell him to 'go choke' because you've got tired of it. If he was honest about his eating early on then I think you knew who he was all along. It's not really his fault that you've had enough.

But op is not being unreasonable to stop cooking for him. No reason why he can’t cook his own meals

Yeah, that's literally what I said.

He's in his 50s, he's not going to change his tastes now and he's old enough to know what he does/doesn't like. Cook what you want and if he doesn't like it then let him sort his own tea that day.

Based on your list you'd probably consider me fussy too - I'd eat the pie and possibly the soup depending on it's texture. I wouldn't eat the tuna salad as I hate tuna, wouldn't eat the tray bake as I don't like whole/roasted chickpeas, wouldn't eat the stew as I don't eat sausages. There'll be other people out there who would love that meal plan though and would probably turn their noses up at a meal plan I'd consider to be tasty because we all have our own likes and dislikes.

I married young - in my early 20s, it was the norm in those days.

He was fussy then but, I did get him to try different foods - Indian, Chinese, Italian - I thought I could change him. I was wrong and now I'm old, stressed with work and seriously pissed off with life.

I don't have time for his nonsense.

I don't have time for his nonsense.

Sounds like this about more than just food.

To be honest I'm not fussy at all but I don't like chickpeas and lentils. They also give me the shits. I would never eat Tuna and eggs together unless I was bulking for the gym. And chicken and sweetcorn pie?! Sounds weird. Like you're being awkward. Just swap some things about:
Steak and ale pie/chicken and mushroom pie
Vegetable soup no leeks
Med veg and chicken tray bake
Sausage and sweet potato stew.

Sorted.

The mistake, I think, is to tell him in advance what you plan to cook. My father had a long list of foodstuffs he wouldn't eat, e.g., garlic or leeks, but he really enjoyed my mother's garlic-laden curries and minestrone soup with garlic and leeks, simply because it was put in front of him with no discussion beforehand.😙

Yup! I’m not a fussy eater at all, but OP’s list isn’t great. I’d give most of it a miss.

Dp is a fussy eater although he has gotten much better over the years, he also has issues with heart burn and ulcers so I have to be careful of what he eats.
Dd1 is as fussy as her dad and dd2 has an allergy, I also have allergies so it restricts us alot with family meals.

I love to cook and experiment with new recipes but it's awkward to do multiple meals too often, I just warn them all that tomorrow im cooking something I fancy and they have to eat it or fend for themselves.

Sometimes they love it and other times they make toasties or something else.

I would just explain to him that on x day you want to make a chickpea tray bake and he can have that or he will need to sort himself out something to eat.

OP's list sounds really normal to me. I'd consider anyone who wouldn't eat most of that fussy.

There are at least 3 things on that list I wouldn't like either. I understand you getting frustrated about his 'pickiness', but would it be so hard to choose something you both like? Unless you are picky too?

My ASD DS eats about maximum ten different items and the working out what he can eat and what the rest of us might actually enjoy is exhausting and depressing. He wouldn't touch a single thing on that list and has never tried the majority of it. I guess I feel like maybe your DH isn't trying to be annoying and has a genuine food issue but I totally sympathise with the cooking for a fussy eater. Definitely get him to cook either for you both or for him on days when it is stuff he won't like

There must be some middle ground of meals you both like and meals that can easily be adapted for both. I like much hotter food than dh so I add chilli after his is cooked. Otherwise batch cook what you like and let him sort himself out (within budget- he doesn’t get to just eat take away or something expensive because he’s fussy).

If he had tried the offending items and didn't like them, I would say fair enough but, he hasn't tried them, he's just being a fussy twat.

I would’ve lost patience with this years ago, my husband used to often say he didn’t like things when we first met, turned out he hadn’t usually tried them and had fallen into a habit of saying he didn’t like it.

I realised when he said he didn’t like calzone, even though I knew he loved pizza 🤣

Once I realised that I encouraged him to just try stuff once and turns out he’s actually not that fussy at all 🤣