To think that most of us mums have energy leaks.

[Hucklescar]

I have an energy leak. I wonder who can relate.

My whole life both at work and home is hinged on intense levels of my energy output and expenditure.

I am hurtling in to peri-menopause, furious with rage/sadness 10 days prior to each period and drained of all energy during my time ‘off’.

I’m so burnt out I don’t want to see friends or family because this depends on using up more of my energy. Organising where when what to eat, where to go, buying/ preparation of food, emotional labour. I CANT. KEEP. UP.

Every time I have a weekend off with my family, DH will take a nap while I tidy/ clean. Anything I want to do like go to a garden centre is met with DH yawning, lolloping around and generally hating being in a matriarchal space. DD not wanting to be there. I feel terrible but I just want to be on my own, doing what I want to do without anyone bothering me for up to 2 weeks. At least at work I get some head space.

Whenever I slope off and try to lie down upstairs, both DH and DD make their way to the room I’m in, talking nonsense incessantly DH scrolling on his phone so I’ve got to then respond to DD’s constant questions.

Before you say it, I can’t ask for them to leave me alone and give me space by the time I’ve identified this need, I’m too cross and don’t want to upset everyone with my request because I’m being reactive and this will make me feel more depressed that my short tempered mess is ruining my family’s life. So the hurricane rolls on inside of me.

It’s fucking shit being a woman. A complete rip-off. In my next life I’ll be a man.

I know that the Drs will just tell me to go on anti depressants but I’m not willing to do this as last time I lost my libido, became a hippo and it took me forever to come off them.

All I want is to meet an informed endocrinologist who will tell me which hormones are responsible for transforming me into a grumpy, unhappy woman and for them to give me a hormone rebalancing pill to improve my quality of life. Without such a luxury, I might have to retreat from the expectations of this stupid patriarchal mess of a society and go and live alone in the woods.

Your rage sounds justified, if you are perimenopausal, perhaps it's giving you the outlet to say you are not happy?

Why are you doing everything whilst your husband naps? Where are you not protecting your boundaries for rest?

Channel that rage and tell your husband you are exhausted and need a more equal split. It sounds like you need a weekend to yourself to recharge to start with and clear you head, then protected time. If you want to go to a garden centre alone - do it! Even met a friend there for lunch.

There are too many woman living life for others sake-take back control!

Even with DH covering all the school runs, food shops, most of the cooking etc, I do feel like this. DS can be difficult to motivate to do much on the weekend and, right now, I want everyone and my job to piss off for a month so I can properly sort out my garden and do more rowing, eat what I want and when, not have to listen to chat about Minecraft, not have to tiptoe around anyone else's mood etc.

Currently just me in the house until tomorrow. But I have to pack for me and DS for holiday and get spare room ready for DH grandmother who is coming with us.

I am with you op - does my head in sometimes amd l just want to be on my own

Last night I felt burnt out. We blobbed in front of the TV which was fine but dd2&3 cannot just quietly watch tv. They comment, narrate and just speak total bollocks. I suddenly said “just shut up! Stop talking” and they all looked and me and laughed because they thought I was joking. I wasn’t 🙈

Why on earth does a grown man need to nap at weekends if he’s not ill? Bloody hell, I’m glad I’m not married to one like this.

Have you asked him why he ‘needs’ to sleep in the middle of the day?

I entirely understand why you’re raging - I would have exploded by now.

When I first went into perimenopause I was like that I had so little energy and I was angry when people would burden me with yet more stuff. I used to my husband I can do some housework, go for a walk with you or make the dinner but I can't do all three or even two, I only had the energy to do one thing and that was with him doing half the work.

When I started HRT I felt my energy surging back and my mood settle down within a couple of weeks. Now I even go to the gym.

How did you get HRT though? My bloods always come back normal, my periods are shorter cycle now but regular so I just get told it’s Sertraline or diet.
I’m suffering because of my hormones but I’m just left to implode.
its awful.

I started HRT aged 44 just went to GP with a list of symptoms said I thought it was periM and I’d already tried changing diet and exercised regularly. No blood tests needed as they fluctuate too much anyway they are supposed to just go off symptoms. I’d keep a diary for a few weeks then try GP again a different one if fobbed off.