Am I being unreasonable about child’s father ?

[Ellarose23]

My solicitor has applied for me for full residency of 5 month old daughter , she’s been with me full time for 2 months now (probably be a lot longer with waiting for court) (he’s not seen her) but his solicitor is trying to fight 50/50. If I don’t get the residency order and it’s joint residency if he doesn’t return her can I still contact police to return her ? I’m assuming because joint is 50/50 police won’t do anything? Surely he wouldn’t be granted 50:50 if he hasn’t seen his child in 2 months and contact stopped due to him smoking / being high while looking after her ?? Not to mention his temper issues and his mother (who he lives with) puts my daughter in her bed to sleep with pillows everywhere to “make sure she doesn’t fall” she was 2 months old ! Any one know anything I’d appreciate it . I’m in Northern Ireland .
am I being unreasonable in thinking that my child’s best interest wouldn’t be joint custody when she’s no idea who her dad is now ?

She's no idea who he is now.... but she's 5 months old!

How do you expect her to know him if you stop contact?

I don’t see why he wouldn’t get 50/50 tbh. SS may want to get involved with after your accusations but without their involvement it’s your word against his.

sorry , should I let her keep going there when he’s smoking around her ? Ok lol ..

Socials are involved with him , and they aren’t accusations there’s full blown proof of everything he’s done , that’s why it’s going to court ..

Also am I just mention that contact was stopped by his mother because i originally reduced contact and they weren’t happy with that so decided to stop it “until it’s sorted” it wasn’t until I went to a solicitor is when she told me contact should’ve been stopped a long time ago ! But he was the one who originally stopped the contact

Jeez, no.of course he shouldn't have 50/50 with his smoking & drugs, plus the fact t that your DD is a tiny baby who has only known her mum as a caregiver.
If you were posting about your husband/partner doing this with your baby you'd be told to LTB
If he sorted himself out he can have a reasonable amount of access until she's a lot. Older

It would be unlikely that he would get 50/50 with such a young baby anyway because it's not in the best interest of the child. The advice for contact for babies is "little but often". Given social services are involved and he has had no relationship with the baby it is a possibility he would be given supervised contact (if this is the case push for supervised contact in a contact centre rather than at home with his mum). It is important for children to have a relationship with both parents but not for an infant to be in the care of someone who is stoned.

We did 50/50 when she was 2 months old as I was pressured into it . Told me I couldn’t do it alone so ofcourse I listened . But I didn’t know at the time he was smoking around her ..
50/50 was only till she was 3 months so just a month . They’re trying to use that as a reason why it should be 50/50 because we did it for a month before I found out everything

yeah my solicitor asked me if if trust his mum to supervise him but absolutely not . His mother is just as bad and would probably leave to go to the gym or to go out with her new boyfriend . She’s not trust worthy either so she did mention a contact centre

sorry , should I let her keep going there when he’s smoking around her ? Ok lol ..

Er, YOU were the one who kept contact going...

When you saw him smoking whilst with your DD what did you say to him?

I definitely did not ? I was told that when he had a smoke she would be with his mum so that was fine . It wasn’t until there was witness of him going to his friends house to smoke cannabis is his kitchen WITH my child ? That I went to a solicitor and was told to stop contact . I’m a first time mum , I thought because he’s on the birth certificate that if I did that he could ring the police .
solicitor said no I can stop contact so that’s what I did

Listen to your solicitor. Ask for a contact centre. He doesn't sound like he is in any fit state to be parenting a child solo.

I told my solicitor that I reduced contact because I genuinely didn’t know I can stop it . I thought because he’s on the birth certificate that he could ring the police and take her back , wasn’t until I saw a solicitor that I found out that I can stop it if I had concerns

Well then no, I think it’s highly unlikely he’d get 50/50 and he’s probably a bit delusional.

I definitely did not ? I was told that when he had a smoke she would be with his mum so that was fine . It wasn’t until there was witness of him going to his friends house to smoke cannabis is his kitchen WITH my child ? That I went to a solicitor and was told to stop contact

That was fine? I’m struggling to understand your thinking here. It sounds like you’re saying it was fine that he goes off with his mates for a smoke, then comes back stoned and stinking of weed to hold the baby? And it was only when he was smoking weed in the same room as her that you began to have a problem with it? And why have his temper issues only just become a concern? If they’re enough of a concern now that they form part of your reasoning for having full residency, why weren’t they enough for you to end the relationship the second you found out you were pregnant?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he should have unsupervised contact with a cheese sandwich, let alone an infant. I just don’t really understand why none of these serious safeguarding issues bothered you before.

What? I said it was fine because his mum had her , as in she literally kept her overnight , not him ?
it was always an issue , I brought it up to loads of different people , who shrugged it off
i broke up with him when I was 6 weeks pregnant due to his threats which got social services involved. The reason why contact with his child went ahead is because they were happy enough with him and thought he was safe . Then once I found out he was actually around my child doing it is when I had enough and got a solicitor . It was always an issue , I was just told by professionals that it was fine ?

Also socials got back involved again because of his behaviour… again

But how did they know about his behaviour in the first place? This seems like a dysfunctional situation from the start....

How long were you together before you fell pregnant? What ages are you? Are you both in stable employment etc? It just seems a bit of a mess without further detail and difficult to advise on?

Do you have an update on how this went?

Tbh I don't think they'd stop his access over weed. Stronger drugs probably, but unfortunately weed isn't entirely uncommon. Unless you've evidence he did something risky with her because of it i doubt it would matter.

As for keeping her longer than his scheduled time I think it depends. If you have a court order and he violates that its a civil and sometimes criminal offence. But legally he's as much a parent as you, as long as he ensures she attends medical and dental apps and school it would be harder. It's understandable you'd worry.

But unfortunately you picked him and she is entitled to a dad. I hope you manage to work it out so he can reassure you he can have her in a safe way

Why did you put him on the birth certificate? Because unless he's your husband he could only be on if he went to register her with you?