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AIBU?

Or will it never happen happen again?

7 replies

CharlieDickens · 29/03/2024 10:07

I need to hear positivity.

A couple of months ago, I broke up with a man who was sexually abusive and manipulative.

At the moment I can't think of anything worse than having something to do with a man again. I absolutely hate them all. However, I hate this new part of me that seems to feel bitter. I need to believe in love. I want to hear stories from people who have had a rubbish time and have managed to meet someone nice and settle down. Please remind me there's such a thing as love and thar it can happen, at any age.

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CatCatCatCatCatCat · 29/03/2024 10:17

It’s been a few months? Why even think about dating again.

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ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 29/03/2024 10:50

Couple of months.

Give yourself a couple of years

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Booksoverbros · 29/03/2024 11:12

My husband loves me more than anything.

I have put his passport through the washing machine TWICE in the space of 6 months and he comforted me because I was upset with myself.

He gets me silly little treats and is fiercely protective.

One time he threw a soaking wet t shirt without looking and it hit me hard in the face and he cried because it upset him so much.

He also leaves cupboard doors open and his farts stink... but good, decent, kind love exists.

It is out there, but my biggest advice is to have iron clad boundaries before dating again.

Narcissists and abusers are attracted to prior abuse victims like moths to flames.

Revictamization rates are so high for a reason!

I was physically and sexually abused and was attracted to those sorts of people again and again before meeting my husband.

We arent to blame for abuse, but we can arm ourselves with the tools to see patterns in behaviour

Heal, take care of yourself and when you feel ready (no one here can put a time frame on it) you can put yourself out there

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mrswinter69 · 29/03/2024 11:46

My ex(2yr relationship) was a narcissist, threw a plate of food at me one Sunday night and dumped me by text message after leaving for work the morning after. Exactly 7 days later I ran into an old family friend in a place neither of us was meant to be and we're now 4yrs into a loving stable relationship. I'm a great believer in fate and finally aged 48 it stepped in for me. Life's short do what makes you happy 😊

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Katemax82 · 29/03/2024 12:24

My younger brothers dad left my mum for his AP. Her second husband was a violent alcoholic. Her current husband, who she's been married to for 20 years now does everything for her since she became dependent. He doesn't drink and has never been violent or a cheater

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CharlieDickens · 29/03/2024 16:02

CatCatCatCatCatCat · 29/03/2024 10:17

It’s been a few months? Why even think about dating again.

I'm not really thinking about dating again.

I was just always so hopeful before it happened and now I just feel like I've lost my optimism. I miss my optimistic streak.

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SENMUM95 · 29/03/2024 16:06

You’ve been out of the situation for literally a couple of months… it took me 6 years to start dating again after leaving a highly abusive relationship. Forget all this crap about love and focus on yourself for as long as it takes - healing and growing - otherwise the likelihood is you’ll end up straight back to where you was but with another abusive individual. There’s more to life than relationships.

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