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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect dh to pick dd up when he comes home early?

21 replies

Pinkjenny · 28/03/2008 14:44

Just spoken to dh about an-un-baby-related matter. He is sitting on his fat bum at home, after being to a meeting this am and deciding not to go back to the office. In the meantime, my mum is looking after dd. He was saying he's just had beans on toast and was 'sitting on the couch'.

I said, 'Aren't you going to go and pick up dd?', he said, 'I'm going to do some work now', I said, 'I thought you were having beans on bloody toast', he said, 'Oh aren't I allowed lunch now!' and put the phone down.

It infuriates me, he'll go and pick her up just before I am due home from work, mark my words. He's got no intention of working from home. He's just a lazy git. I would never get home from work early and just watch tv without going to get dd, even if I fancied a bit of peace.

He'll bugger off to the football tomorrow as well, I bet, and he didn't get in til midnight last night.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

gagarin · 28/03/2008 14:46

A bit? You can't turn a man into a woman

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 28/03/2008 14:46

Ha ha, more's the bloody pity.

OP posts:

oranges · 28/03/2008 14:48

god i sit on the couch and eat beans on toast quite happily is some other childcare is in place.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 28/03/2008 14:49

Yeah to a certain extent if she was in nursery, but with my mum, who I'm sure has stuff of her own to do, and has sacrificed by dropping two days a week at work to look after dd since my mat leave ended.

OP posts:

oranges · 28/03/2008 14:52

That;s very kind of your mother, but getting your dd early this once does not mean your mum will go back to work on those days, does it?
I still think it's okay to take a break from work and the children if they are safe elsewhere. Unless your dh knew your mum had other things to do, I honesstly think this is fine.

cupsoftea · 28/03/2008 14:52

yanbu - he should think of your mums time as well.

Harrybee · 28/03/2008 14:52

You are so not overreacting. I am in the same situation!! My DH works shifts and sometimes he has 2 days off in the week but never offers to have our DS.
Our son is look afrer by my mum also and she is great with flexibility but my DH will never offer to have DS, he says they are his days off and should be allowed to have some time out!!!

I ask myself.. when do i have time out ah?? Never Never Never!! Its so frustrating isnt it. I would mind he did the housework on his days off but he doenst do anything apart from go to the gym or watch tv.

Im going to stop ranting now as its making me more angry thinking about it! lol

oranges · 28/03/2008 14:54

why don't you take time for yourself? It's just makign life really tough on both of you to be so self sacrificing.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 28/03/2008 14:57

Harrybee - exactly! Couldn't agree more.

Understand what you're saying oranges, but IMO dh gets more than enough bloody time to himself. Who put her to bed every night? Who gets up when she wakes? Who gives her breakfast? etc etc etc. And then when he does have her, if for example, I'm trying to brush my goddamn teeth, he picks her up and follows me around, saying things like, 'I know you want your mum, but she's busy'.

OP posts:

Harrybee · 28/03/2008 14:59

We do things as a family and i do get to see my friends (with kids also). the point is that if i finished work early or had the day off i woulnt dream of giving DS to my mum for the day. Its hard enough leaving him all week as it is,

LoveMyGirls · 28/03/2008 15:02

I think he should have his lunch then go and get her, not fair that he expects your mum to look after her when she could be with him.

perpetualworrier · 28/03/2008 15:05

I could understand your Mum being fed up with it, but I can't see why it bothers you so much. I doesn't actually change anything for you does it, whether you Mum or DH have LO?

SmugColditz · 28/03/2008 15:07

Take some time to yourself - dont ask, take - then you won't feel so resentful when he does it.

oranges · 28/03/2008 15:08

but why do you put her to bed each night? and why do you let him follow you around the house with her? It sounds like that stuff needs to be changed, not the fact that he fancies an afternoon off.

branflake81 · 28/03/2008 15:09

I think if your mum is OK about having your DD then YABU as it's nice to have a bit of time to oneself.

Maidamess · 28/03/2008 15:11

I think you have highlighted one of the many differences between men and women.

If my dh has ANy time to himself, he's reading the paper, watching the racing on the telly etc etc.

Me on the other hand, if I have a spare minute I will push the hoover round, sort the washing etc.

I wish I could 'not see' what needs doing the same way he does. but then it wouldn't get friggin done!!!

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 28/03/2008 15:16

It just feels a bit like he should want to go and get her. I would. But he's not me, I suppose.

I just feel like both of their mother sometimes!

OP posts:

SmugColditz · 28/03/2008 15:20

i wouldn't. I would want to leave the child safe and happy and have my lunch in peace.

if you don't want to be his mother, you need to refuse to take responsibility for the things he should be doing - so if he is following you around the house say "Oh I know you want mummy" just look him in the eye, and say "Take her downstairs please, and occupy her, then she won't want me at all. I am busy, you are right, so stop following me around with her please. It's your turn."

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 28/03/2008 15:21

Oh I like that Smug - maybe you could come round and tell him

OP posts:

SmugColditz · 28/03/2008 15:23

Sure thing, be there in five.

seriously. Men are not women, and people in general are very good at getting out of the things they don't wna to do. If you say outright that the fact you never get any free time and he does is unfair, and is going to change, how can he refute it when it's blatanly true?

lupo · 28/03/2008 23:43

no yanbu, my dh works five minutes down the road and buggers off an hour before he is due to start so he can have a nice coffee and breakfast somewhere, while I have to struggle with ds ..who throws about 100 tantrums a morning...and get myself to work.

when i complain he says 'i even get told off for going to work.' he literally scampers out the house very morining with steam coming out of his butt, would be great if he could just hang around and help a bit

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